I fucked up a lot this year.
I mean … I said yes when I should have & needed to say no.
I hesitated saying “HECK YES” to what felt in alignment.
I waited too long when opportunities came up.
I put off doing the big things & the small, almost inconsequential ones.
Some days I ended up with a longer to do list than I started the day with.

Point is, I failed A LOT.
I fucked up one too many times.
And yes, I took multiple detours in 2024.

But you see, in the detours, failures & fuckery / fuckedupness, I grew, I stretched & ended up exactly where I was meant to be.
I became who I am & I drew invaluable life lessons that I will take with me to the next phase of my life.

How about you? Did you win a lot? Did you kiss rock bottom at least once in 2024?

Join my beautiful soul sister @claudiachan.co & I, for our 10th & final Radiant Blossom in 2024, on the 28th Dec 9:00am, Beijing Time (8pm Eastern 27th), where we will all celebrate the detours, fuck-ups & wins in a safe space.
Come as you are & Bring all of who you are.

DM for the Zoom link.

From the deepest parts of who I am,
I see you & I love you.

Sometimes when two people come together, we may come into conflict.

If only this person can do that! Or I have to behave this way.

Many of it can be traced back to our childhood, while growing up, we had written ourselves a book of expectations.

And the only way to make changes to the list is to get to know what is written in this book.

That’s why Phoebe Maina and myself hosting our 9th Radiant Blossom: My expectations in and within my relationships.

WHAT'S HOLDING ME/YOU BACK?

When the world is quiet and you’re truly alone and with your mind, what do you think about? What do you hope for? Follow that. - Bianca Sparacino

Now, what's holding you back from going all in after the deep seated desires of your soul? What's holding you back from saying Yes and jumping in head first? What's holding you back?

Join us for Part 2 of The Becoming Series, on the 17th of August, 9:00am Beijing Time (16th of August, 9:00pm Eastern) where my girl @claudiachan.co and I, will sit with you and explore this question deeper.

I can't wait to see you then!
Love you loads.

When the world is quiet and you’re truly alone and with your mind, what do you think about? What do you hope for? Follow that. - Bianca Sparacino

Man, this quote ... When all the distractions are gone ...
When your phone's off & your laptop is shut ...
When all your friends are away ...
and you're by yourself ... all alone ... with nothing but time & quiet ...

What do you think about?
What do you dream about?
What do you hope for? Wish for?
...

Join us this Saturday where my girl @claudiachan.co and I will be holding space for us to explore this question ... What do I really want? ...

As always,
I see you & I love you.

9th August, 2020, I walked into a changing room that changed my life.
The stylist took one long look at me, sized me up & down … and blatantly said how not quite right my body was.
How unokay & unpropotional I was.
Hips too wide … check.
Boobs too small … check.
Ass too big … check.
…
& that ripped away at my self-confidence.
I thought I was enough & pretty enough & good enough to be a model. To be a pretty girl. To be a p… person.
But here I’m standing … blinking away at these hot tears fighting their way through & eventually streaming down my face … two minutes away from my runway walk. Damn!

You see … your body is your own, with all its perks, all its perfections & imperfections.
Your body is your own.
There’s no body like it out there.
Only one of a kind. And that’s the one you’ve been gifted to walk this life with.

& yet sometimes we have a tendency to perhaps look outside of ourselves, for validation.
To maybe wait for someone else to praise how we look, move & do life, with our bodies.
Sometimes, we may end up using what someone may have said about us as evidence that we aren’t good enough.

Has there been a time in your life, where maybe just maybe, you may have felt this way?

Mmmh.
I see you.
Yes. I do.
And sis, you are not alone.

Join us on the 28th June @9pm EST / 29th June 9am Beijing Time, where my incredible friend @claudiachan.co & I will be sharing from our souls, some struggles we’ve had when it came to loving & appreciating our bodies … as they are …
Bring your heart, your soul & be ready to get loved on as you also get to love on your beautiful body.

Because the truth is …
You have a beautiful body that matches your beautiful soul.

Just before my 23rd birthday, I asked my best friend Carren, who’s now my Angel ,
What does friendship mean to you?
What does a healthy friendship look like for you?
What’s the point of friendship? Really?

Having had a lot of failed friendships in the past, I truly thought that I was just terrible at this thing!

I had a tendency of leaving people before they left.

What’s the point of having them if they’re gonna hurt you & leave you, was a question always never too far away from my mind.

So you know what Carren said to me?

Phoebe, I don’t always know if a friendship will always work out or not. But I think the experience is worth it.
Even when it doesn’t work out in the end.
Because the moments of connection, the safe space, the vulnerability, the rib-cracking laughter, bad jokes & all … those will always be with you even after the person is no longer in your life.

And a healthy friendship really just means,
A safe space in the shape of a person.
Someone who sees you, loves you & is willing to lend you their strength till your wings grow back.
Someone who you call on the best days of your life & one who will sit with you on the other end of the call as you cry your eyes out till you go deaf from your own voice.
Someone who will be with you in the hallways of those in-between moments of life.
&
Whether a day or a decade,

No matter the length of time or depth of the season,
It will always be worth it.

Now at 26, with an Angel in the shape of my best friend Carren, I know like I know that I know … the power of friendship & community.

Yes, I can do life alone.
But no, I don’t want to.
& no, I don’t ever have to.

Of all types of wealth, what I’m most proud of & deeply grateful for, is my friendship wealth.
Which is why I’m fucking excited to be speaking on this very topic at our next Radiant Blossom #5.
The power of community .
I hope to see you there!!!!!
From my heart to yours,
I see you & I love you.

Loving all of you begins by building self-trust.
I wanna write a whole paragraph about why you should join us on the 20th at 9am, but my brain’s fried & I can’t formulate full sentences that make sense.
So, I’ll ask you this,
How different would your life be, if you trusted yourself a little more?
If you were able to fully show up for yourself & therefore show up for everyone else in your life in the best possible way?
How different would your life be, if you began feeling safe in your body, again?
Mmmh. Join us on the 20th of April at 9am Beijing Time, 19th April 9pm Eastern, and let’s explore self-trust together.
Bring your heart & soul.
I see you & I love you.

Grief is a damn heavy topic let alone sitting or being with it!
It's all the unspent love that gathers at the corners of your eyes and behind your throat.
It's the knot in your stomach when you see an old photo of you best friend that ... well, once made you happy.
It's the wailing in the middle of the night once you remember the last conversation you had or the last time you may have been too busy to pick up.
It's all the hours you spend wishing you'd had more time.
It's the quiet way your heart breaks when you remember that they won't be physically present for all your milestones.
It's in all the words left unsaid.
It's in the emptiness. The silence. The pain.
No! I don't wanna have this conversation!
Yes! We're gonna have this conversation!
So, bring your broken heart, a shovel, a blanket and a box of tissues. We're gonna go deep, be with it and sit with it!
But we'll do it together!
Always together.
From the deepest parts of me,
the healed and unhealed parts of my heart,
I see you & I love you!
Bring all of you!