I thought I was being polite.

I thought I was keeping my options open.

But somewhere between exhaustion, people-pleasing, and old survival habits, I abandoned myself — again.

In this episode, I share the exact moment it clicked: my 'soft no’s' weren’t boundaries at all. They were apologies wearing polite outfits. And when everything finally caught up with me, my nervous system had already run out of fuel.

This is a deeply human conversation about people-pleasing, the fawn response, ADHD overwhelm, and why saying no can feel genuinely unsafe — even when you desperately need to.

• Why 'maybe' is not a neutral response when you’re exhausted
• How people-pleasing is a nervous-system survival strategy, not a personality flaw
• What the fawn response actually looks like in ADHD mums
• Why overwhelm makes boundaries collapse
• The hidden cost of keeping the peace

If this episode landed for you, these conversations explore the same patterns of people-pleasing, masking, self-sacrifice, and nervous-system survival:

• Stop People-Pleasing: The ADHD Mum’s Guide to Boundaries, Balance, and Breaking Free
• 👉 Listen here
• You Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now.
• 👉 Listen here
• High Camouflaging ADHD and ASD
• 👉 Listen here
• Self-Sacrifice Is Not Your Friend (And Here’s Why)
• 👉 Listen here
• QUICK RESET: I Cancel Plans Because I Don’t Have the Energy to Fake My Personality
• 👉 Listen here

🤍 FB Group:

If you want a space where you don’t have to explain yourself:

👉 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

December brings presents… and pressure. Family dynamics get loud, expectations get heavier, and suddenly you’re managing everyone’s feelings and your ADHD child’s reactions — all while trying not to implode.

This episode answers a powerful listener question: How do I handle gift-opening with my ADHD/PDA child without feeling ashamed, judged, or like I’m failing?

It’s not just about presents. It’s about generational conditioning, people-pleasing, masking, and the old belief that ‘being liked = being good.’

What We Cover

• Why ADHD/PDA kids may not react the “expected” way to gifts
• The inherited ‘good girl’ conditioning mums carry into adulthood
• Fawning as a trauma response (and why it flares during Christmas)
• How masking is taught — and why many of us learned adult comfort > child honesty
• How to script boundaries with family without apologising
• What to do before, during and after gift-opening to reduce conflict
• Why guilt shows up (and why it doesn’t mean you’re wrong)

This Episode Is For You If…

• Your stomach drops any time someone comments on your child’s reactions
• You’re torn between protecting your child and appeasing adults
• You feel responsible for everyone’s comfort — except your own
• You want to break the ‘good girl’ cycle, but December makes it hard
• You need language, scripts, and validation for navigating family events

Resources & Links

Related Podcast Episodes

• The Good Girl Episode
• The Red Pen Christmas: How to Stop Editing Yourself for Everyone Else
• Christmas Is the Finish Line — And ADHD Mums Are Crawling There

Relevant Tools & Programs

• Festive F* It Plan** — your calmer, kinder December blueprint
• ADHD Mums Guide to Boundaries & Breaking Free from People-Pleasing
• ADHD Mum’s Guide to Managing Overwhelm During Busy Seasons
• Navigating Impulse Spending During the Holidays with ADHD

Community & Forms

• Listener Question Form
• ADHD Mums Facebook Community — collective wisdom + real-life scripts

Content Warning

This episode touches on masking, childhood invalidation, and trauma-related people-pleasing patterns.

Listen Now

Spotify | Apple | adhdmums.com.au

Mentioned in this episode:

🎁ADHD MUMS PROGRAM LINK🎄

Four short audios. One simple workbook. Plan Christmas your way — calm,...

Silent rage at Christmas isn’t a personality flaw — it’s a nervous system collapse.

In this episode, we unpack why ADHD mums hit overwhelm earlier and harder during December, why the “tiny straw” moments feel massive, and how the invisible mental load of Christmas pushes your brain into shutdown mode long before anyone notices.

This is a compassionate, nervous-system-first explanation of why you’re so tired, so overstimulated, and so close to snapping… and why none of this is your fault.

• Silent rage = a responsibility overload response, not “being grumpy.”
• ADHD brains spend more effort on planning, remembering, switching tasks and emotional labour — Christmas multiplies all of these.
• The “tiny” trigger never is tiny — it’s the final task hitting a system already at capacity.
• Your body reads “too much responsibility” as danger, shifting into tension, heat, and shutdown.
• Sensory load + task load + emotional load = the perfect storm that makes Christmas feel impossible.
• You’re not the problem — the load is.
• Micro-shifts can interrupt the bracing response before it becomes collapse.

Listen: www.adhdmuns.com.au/magic-of-christmas-but-im-grumpy

Free resource:

👉 Download the Energy Accounting Guide

‘The Red Pen Christmas: How to Stop Editing Yourself for Everyone Else’

👉 Listen here

‘The Year I’ve Decided Good Enough Is Enough’

👉 Listen here

‘Christmas Is the Finish Line — And ADHD Mums Are Crawling There’

👉 Listen here

ADHD Mums Facebook Community

Post a #vent, get solidarity, and be witnessed by other mums who get it.

👉 Join the Facebook group

Listener Question Box

Send in your own ‘washing machine’ or ‘silent rage’ moment for future episodes.

👉 Submit a listener question

Mentioned in this episode:

🎁ADHD MUMS PROGRAM LINK🎄

Four short audios. One simple workbook. Plan Christmas your way — calm, doable, and actually includes you in it. 👉 www.adhdmums.com.au/plan

Xmas: Sign Up Link

Christmas isn’t “cosy magic” for many ADHD mums — it’s a high-pressure, high-sensory, invisible-load marathon that no one else sees. In this episode, Jane breaks down why holiday overwhelm hits harder, why silent rage feels frightening and unfair, and what your nervous system is actually doing long before the wrapping-night meltdown. You’re not failing Christmas — you’ve been carrying it.

• Why ADHD mums hit Christmas overwhelm weeks before the day arrives
• The collapse moment: when invisible load becomes unmanageable
• Sensory + emotional overload during holiday tasks
• How ADHD brains burn dopamine faster under combined pressure
• The physiology behind “Christmas rage,” shutdown, and snapping
• Why joy disappears when you’re the one creating the magic
• How to shift the load, communicate earlier, and prevent holiday burnout

• You dread Christmas because you’re the one doing everything
• You crumble under the wrapping + fairness + noise + pressure
• You feel guilty for not loving the season
• You hit a snapping point you didn’t see coming
• You wonder why one small question can tip you over
• You want to understand what your body is actually trying to tell you

Your nervous system cannot enter joy while running executive load, sensory filtration, conflict prevention, and emotional labour. It’s not personal — it’s physiological.

• Energy Accounting Guide — A tool to reduce invisible load and prevent overwhelm
• Perimenopause Self-Check (because hormonal load amplifies Christmas overload)

✨ Festive F*ck It Plan — your calm, realistic December planner

🆓 Free Resource: The Energy Accounting PDF

• Stop People-Pleasing This Christmas — The Year I Stopped Apologising for My Child

Mentioned in this episode:

🎁ADHD MUMS PROGRAM LINK🎄

Four short audios. One simple workbook. Plan Christmas your way — calm, doable, and actually includes you in it. 👉 www.adhdmums.com.au/plan

Xmas: Sign Up Link

If December already feels like you’re sprinting through wet concrete, this episode is your deep breath. Christmas asks ADHD mums to hold the magic and the mess — late-night wrapping, invisible labour, the Boxing Day guilt hangover — and still somehow feel like we’re not doing enough.

This is the story of the year Jane finally said: good enough is enough. And maybe this is the year you get to say it too.

• Why ADHD brains don’t recognise ‘done’
• The difference between maximising vs satisficing (and why one burns you out)
• The ADHD tax of “perfect Christmas” expectations
• How our reward loop drives over-performing and overwhelm
• How to recognise your internal ding — when good enough is actually safe

• You’re carrying the emotional load + logistics + all the extras no one sees
• You keep adding “just one more thing” to your already impossible list
• You feel guilty resting, stopping, or being less “magical”
• You need permission to drop the bar, not raise it

✨ Festive F*ck It Plan — your calm, realistic December planner

📘 The Paradox of Choice — Barry Schwartz on maximisers vs satisficers

🆓 Free Resource: The Energy Accounting PDF

• Stop People-Pleasing This Christmas — The Year I Stopped Apologising for My Child
• Unhealthy Habits & ADHD: Why We Get Stuck & How to Shift
• QUICK RESET: How We Survive the 3–6PM Sh*t Show When Kids Are Coming Down Off Meds

🎧 Listen now: Spotify | Apple | adhdmums.com.au

Some days it feels like you need a medical degree just to parent a neurodivergent kid. The waitlists, the myths, the pressure to ‘get it right’ — it can all become overwhelming fast. In this episode, child psychiatrist Dr Mimi Xu finally gives mums clear, compassionate answers about ADHD meds for kids, without judgement or jargon.

💡 What We Cover

• Why ADHD medication is never a one-size-fits-all decision.
• When to see a paediatrician vs a psychiatrist — and why access is so broken.
• The truth behind ‘zombie kids’, personality changes, growth, appetite and sleep.
• What’s actually happening in the afternoon crash (and how to survive it).
• ADHD + Autism: does it change the medication conversation?
• What parents can do while they wait on endless public and private waitlists.

💭This Episode Is For You If…

• You feel scared of meds, scared of not trying meds, or stuck between two parents who disagree.
• You’re drowning in the 3pm–6pm chaos when everyone’s meds (including yours) have worn off.
• You’re exhausted from uncertainty, judgement or mixed messages from professionals.
• You want clarity without shame, pressure or clinical coldness.
• You’re parenting a neurodivergent child and just need someone to explain things like a human.

🧠 Resources & Helpful Tools

📌ADHD Screening & Support

Child ADHD Parent/Self-Test

A good starting point for parents wondering whether ADHD traits are showing up at home or school.

🔗 https://form.jotform.com/251610961002444

📌Medication-Specific Guides

A Guide to ADHD Medication

Perfect fit for this episode — covers stimulants, non-stimulants, side effects, appetite, sleep, titration and what’s expectedin the early weeks.

🔗 https://adhdmums.com.au/product/a-guide-to-adhd-medication/

📌Related ADHD Mums Medication Episodes

Stimulants vs Non-Stimulants – Solo Episode (S2E40)

Jane’s clear breakdown of how different medications work and how they often feel in real life.

🔗 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-40-adhd-medication- stimulants-vs-non-stimulants-solo-episode-with-jane-mcfadden/

What Happens If You Don’t Have ADHD & Take ADHD Meds (S2E47)

Important context for safety, myths, and co-parent disagreements.

🔗 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-47-what-happens-if-you-take-adhd-medication-without-adhd-solo-episode-with-jane-mcfadden/

📝 About Dr Mimi Xu

Dr Mimi Xu — Website (General Info + Resources)

🔗 IG Account - https://www.instagram.com/drmimixu/

🔗 https://www.child-psychiatrist.com.au/

Lionheart Clinic

🔗 IG Account -...

If you’re already running on caffeine and obligation — this one’s for you. December has a way of convincing ADHD mums that magic only counts if it hurts. But what if “good enough” was actually enough?

This week, Jane shares the story of the Christmas she finally stopped performing for everyone else — and started living it for herself.

💡 What We Cover

• Why ADHD brains struggle to know when to stop
• The difference between maximising and satisfying
• How burnout hides under “just one more thing”
• The real cost of the ADHD tax at Christmas
• Why rest isn’t lazy — it’s regulation

💬 For You If

• You’re drowning in invisible labour and still feel behind
• You keep adding “just one more thing” to your list
• You’ve ever spent more money, energy or guilt than you had
• You need permission to stop — before you collapse

🧠 Resources & References

• 🎄 Festive F*ck It Plan – Your ADHD-friendly Christmas plan: fewer tasks, more peace, and an actual vision for your Christmas too.
• 🎄 Listener Question Form – Want to submit a question for the next episode? Share anonymously here.
• 📚 Barry Schwartz – The Paradox of Choice
• 🆓 Free Resource: The Energy Accounting PDF (Free Download)
• Kit Available: Managing Overwhelm During Busy Seasons

🔗 Related Episodes

• S2 E60 Stop People-Pleasing: The ADHD Mum’s Guide to Boundaries, Balance, and Breaking Free
• S3 E17 QUICK RESET: How We Survive the 3–6PM Sh*t Show When Kids Are Coming Down Off Meds
• S3 E61 Unhealthy Habits & ADHD: Why We Get Stuck & How to Shift

🎧 Listen now: Spotify | Apple | adhdmums.com.au

JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!

FOLLOW FOR MORE:

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If you’ve ever thought, 'I’m just tired,' but deep down you think it’s more than that — this conversation is for you. Perinatal Mental Health Week isn’t about hashtags or general awareness. It’s about honesty.

Jane speaks with Julie Borninkhof, CEO of PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia), about the hidden crisis facing new parents. One in three new parents who complete PANDA’s mental-health checklist report thoughts of running away or self-harm. Yet most never say, 'I’m not coping.'

Together they unpack why we downplay our pain, why neurodivergent mums face even higher risk, and what real support looks like — beyond 'self-care' slogans.

What You’ll Hear

• The confronting reality of PANDA’s national data — and why so many parents suffer in silence
• How unrealistic expectations and glossy 'good mum' culture stop women from seeking help
• Why perinatal depression looks different for neurodivergent mums — and how to recognise the signs
• Practical ways to check on a friend (or yourself) when you sense something’s not right
• The truth about the word failure — and how PANDA reframes it into survival and strength
• How better funding — and normalising help-seeking — could change the future for Australian families

This Episode Is For You If …

• You’re a new parent who feels constantly 'on edge' or ashamed for not enjoying motherhood.
• You’re supporting a friend who’s not herself and don’t know how to help.
• You’re neurodivergent and struggling to separate exhaustion from depression.
• You’ve ever wondered why asking for help feels so hard.

⚠️ Trigger Warning

This episode discusses perinatal mental health distress and self-harm.

Please take care while listening.

Key Takeaway

You’re not broken — you’re overwhelmed.

Being a good parent doesn’t mean being okay all the time. It means recognising when you’re not okay and reaching out before the darkness deepens. Help-seeking isn’t weakness; it’s leadership.

• PANDA Helpline: 1300 726 306 | www.panda.org.au | 9 am – 7:30 pm AEST Mon–Fri | 10 am – 4 pm Sat
• Mental-Health Checklist: Check how you’re really going → panda.org.au/checklist
• Lifeline (24/7): 13 11 14
• Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
• Gidget Foundation Australia: www.gidgetfoundation.org.au
• For When — Free parent mental-health support: forwhenhelpline.org.au

• 🎧 CONFESSIONS: I Don’t Always Like Being a Parent — A brutally honest look at the guilt, grief and relief of saying what most mums secretly feel.
• 🎧 CONFESSION: Mums wrote in anonymously… and what they shared wrecked me — The raw, unfiltered truth about motherhood’s darkest moments, shared anonymously by real...