The theme this month is "Gifts," and honoring what we want and what is best for us. This falls in line with having good boundaries instead of weak ones and choosing ourselves.

For Becky, honoring herself means that when she knows that she should be doing something she tries to follow through on it whether or not others are going to like her choice or not. She is a person who is kind, loving, and supportive of others and to herself.

So instead of trying to put everyone else first and make everyone else happy, which is an impossibility, she tries to do the things that will give her peace and help her become the person that she wants to be. Each day adding to the person she wants to be.

We can choose to honor ourselves in a self-loving versus a self-seeking way. Sometimes when people try to take advantage of those of us who choose ourselves, they will use manipulation or attack us in some way by telling us that when we choose ourselves, we are being selfish, which can create a feeling of guilt for someone who is a people pleaser.

But the truth is that when you act in your own best interest and are doing what is healthy and for you, you're not harming anybody. You're not out to hurt someone when you do this. This still might hurt people who really count on you to meet their own agendas. Your intention is to be peaceful and to be healthy, not to hurt anyone.

In the past, Kristen was a big people pleaser and would feel so guilty about choosing herself that she simply could not do it. And this created resentment toward those whose agenda she always felt she had to follow.

Creating boundaries creates self-worth and self-confidence. When you feel this way, you are not out to hurt anyone. Building up our own self-worth is the key. We can lovingly support other people, but it's really not our job to be carrying anyone else on our own backs.

When you truly love yourself, you can truly offer love to others. Obligatory love tinged with resentment is not real love. self-trust is also a good way to honor yourself. How I want to respond and who I am is the same in all situations instead of morphing into what I think the other person wants to hear.

Honoring your own best interests is also really important as well. As Dr. Phil says, "We teach people how to treat us." You need to tell people what you need and don't assume that they know already. They can't read your mind. It's on us to communicate our needs and we suffer when we expect people to meet our needs and expectations if they can't or don't know what they are.

You may inadvertently inflict pain onto someone else in the short term. You will have less conflict this way. But in the long run, you will suffer more because you will just be bottling up all the anger and resentment and then explode.

When we are in a situation that is not good for us, we always want to believe that it can return to when it was wonderful. It becomes important to recognize that when something is no longer good for you or healthy or working for you and that it is, in fact, bad for you.

We aren't suggesting that you just go out and end your relationship or quit your job if that's not right for you to do. But just pay attention to what is working for you and what isn't.

Just make sure that you communicate what you need and see how it goes and decide form there. Choose you.

Pain can be a great catalyst for growth and if it hurts someone when you stop choosing them and their agenda, it's a great opportunity for them to step up and start doing what was theirs to do all along.

You need to eventually take responsibility for what you have allowed from others. In the long run, if people start doing what they were supposed to be doing for themselves all along--taking care of what is already theirs to take care of--and us staying in our own lane.

If you come up against a brick wall with someone or some situation and it hurts every...

Merry Christmas and happy holidays! Becky gives a short Christmas message that will help you find peace amid the hustle and bustle. Remembering the reason for the season will help you on your path to greater self-love.

Today, Kristen and Becky discuss our personal narratives or the stories that we tell ourselves that run our lives. We can step out of the story, AND that takes some work. On the other side of the story is the unknown, which can make it difficult or daunting to even want to go there.

Author Debbie Ford used to be on Oprah often and she wrote many books about the shadow and our story, one of which is called: "The Secret of the Shadow: The Power of Owning Your Whole Story." There is a quote from this book and it says: "The deeper truth is that I have a story, but I am not my story."

Our story begins with our beliefs and our conditioning as children. In order to survive we create a story because as children, our inner critic takes over and reminds us every time we fail or mess up in some way. Then, we start to see the "proof" of our story in all our life experiences. We grow up living out the story more and more.

When you have thoughts that create your behaviors and your patterns, it creates an identity or the story you are living in. You CAN shift out of the story and start walking down a different pathway.

It's important to be able to step back and ask ourselves what the beliefs and stories are and also ask how they are really serving us. You really need to be aware of the story first and foremost.

You have been living in the story of your family for generations even before you are born, is when you are born, you already are inundated with the messages about who you have to be in the family what role you have to play, so this role and story you are in is already mapped out for you. You are already stuck in the story right off the bat. And this is the only identity you know, so it's just safer to stay in the story you are comfortable in. For instance, it keeps you safe believing that you have to measure up by doing x,y, or z to earn love. A lot of it can be about "I am not worthy unless I am doing this..."

The story keeps growing as we continue to "prove" to ourselves that we are not good enough in some way. The world just continues to reflect back to you the story you believe in.

This is how you start to notice your thoughts: by noticing your life experience being reflected back at you.

The story might be a horrible one, but it has kept you alive since you were little. And now, if you want to change it, you certainly can.

Once you realize that you have a choice, that is when you are able to make the change. Self-awareness is huge, and sifting through your beliefs and your needs that were not met as a child helps you start to be able to move onto a new neuropathway and to have the choice to do so.

This might all sound hard and negative but the cool part about it is that it is very empowering to be able to change your life in this way. You can feel so disempowered when you are in situations where you continue to get abused, lied to, or losing jobs.

These stories are lies. They are not the truth about who we are. Our brains try to protect us and keep us alive by telling us to stay small and to not get hurt. It can keep us in hiding. Once you become aware of the beliefs, they can loosen and be replaced by healthier beliefs.

It's about creating the life that you want. People often want to be loved but when they have to opportunity to be loved by themselves or others, it can actually be very frightening. And this can keep someone stuck because people often believe that they aren't worthy enough to be loved. This can keep you in self-sabotage mode.

When you decide to change your family's story, you are living in your power. Then your children have a chance not to do the dysfunctional things that you and your family have done for generations. This is, quite literally, how we change the world. If we all change ourselves--our beliefs, our patterns, and our stories and we start having new experiences that prove to us that we are living a better life, that...