Episodes

  • Signs You’re Projecting

    Signs You’re Projecting
    Apr 22 2025
    "She's just doing it for attention." "He's so arrogant." "They think they're better than everyone else."If you have ever caught yourself making these snap judgments about others,consider this: Those judgments aren't really about the other person at all.What if they're actually about the parts of yourself you've been conditioned to reject?This insight might be the most transformative relationship principle I've ever discovered – and the most uncomfortable to face.It’s my favorite part of my intuitive Blind Spot Calls.I love watching people’s faces when I hold up a mirror.I call it "The Dark Passenger" principle.Here's how it works:From early childhood, we're taught which emotions are "acceptable" and which are "bad." For many high-achievers, emotions like jealousy, envy, anger, or neediness were labeled as inappropriate, selfish, or even shameful.Good kids don't get jealous. Successful people don't need validation. Strong individuals don't feel insecure.So think about it– what happens to these emotions when we feel them? Do they simply disappear because we've decided they're unacceptable?Not even close.Instead, they get banished to the shadow – the unconscious repository of all the parts of ourselves we've disowned. Out of sight, but far from gone.This creates what I call our "Dark Passenger" – the collection of disowned emotions and traits that still affect our behavior, but from the shadows.And here's where it gets fascinating:The emotions we most strongly reject in ourselves become the exact things we most harshly judge in others.Let me share a common example:Picture a successful, accomplished woman who prides herself on her intelligence, work ethic, and character. She's built her identity around these qualities rather than physical appearance.What happens when she encounters a younger, conventionally attractive woman who seems comfortable with her sexuality and receiving attention for her looks?Often, an immediate judgment forms:"She's just using her looks to get ahead." "She's so shallow." "She's just trying to get attention."But what's really happening beneath the surface?The accomplished woman is experiencing envy or jealousy – natural human emotions. But since she's learned these feelings are "bad" or "inappropriate," she can't acknowledge them, even to herself.Instead, her mind quickly constructs a story about the other woman that helps her avoid facing her own uncomfortable emotions.This pattern doesn't just apply to appearances. It shows up everywhere:The leader who criticizes a colleaguefor being "too ambitious"might be disowning their own competitive natureThe person who judges others for "seeking attention"might be suppressing their own need for recognitionThe partner who accuses others of dishonestymight be disconnected from their own capacity for deceptionThis “shadow projection” creates a double burden:First, it prevents authentic connection with others because we're relating to our projections, not the actual person.Second, and perhaps more painfully, it disconnects us from parts of ourselves – leaving us fragmented and incomplete.And down right resentful.For high-achievers, this pattern creates particular suffering. Many have built their success on a carefully curated self-image that excludes "unacceptable" traits and emotions. The energy required to maintain this partial identity is exhausting.You may excel at work but struggle in intimate relationships. You can manage teams effectively but find yourself bewildered by personal conflicts. You achieve impressive goals but feel a persistent emptiness.These are often symptoms of a fractured relationship with your own wholeness.The cost of this pattern goes beyond just relationship difficulties:Physical health suffersas the body holds the tension of denied emotionsCreativity diminishes when substantial energy goes toward maintaining the "acceptable" selfDecision-making becomes compromisedwhen you lack access to your full emotional dataLeadership effectiveness decreaseswhen you can't recognize your own shadow in workplace dynamicsMost damaging of all: without access to your complete self, true intimacy becomes impossible because you’re walking around resentful most of the time.As long as certain aspects of your humanity remain unacceptable to you, you'll find yourself unconsciously pushing away or criticizing people who embody those qualities – often the very ones you're most drawn to.This explains why so many relationships follow a predictable arc from initial attraction to inevitable conflict. We're attracted to people who embody our disowned qualities, then grow to resent those exact same traits.Luckily, there’s an alternative to this painful cycle.It begins with a radical shift in how we relate to our "Dark Passenger."Instead of banishing uncomfortable emotions and traits, we learn how to dance with them.This doesn't mean acting on every emotion or ...
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    3 mins
  • Why Betrayal Feels Like Death

    Why Betrayal Feels Like Death
    Apr 18 2025
    Have you ever noticed how a certain triggercan instantly collapse your sense of self?One moment you're confident and clear.The next – in the presence of that trigger –It’s like you get a flashback…and become a different version of yourself.Smaller. Reactive. Disconnected from your power.This pattern has a name:Incomplete individuation.And it might be the invisible force keeping you trappedin painful relationship cycles –especially including the aftermath of betrayal.I was recently reviewing a conversationabout individuation that resonated deeplywith many high achievers in my community.The insight was profound:"It's not you I'm trying to run away from.It's the fear of losing myself becauseI can't have myself when I'm with you."For those who find this familiar,consider how this pattern might show up in your life:Perhaps you're highly successful professionally –making decisions confidently,leading teams effectively,navigating complex situations with ease.Yet in certain personal relationships,something shifts.Your boundaries dissolve.Your clarity fades.Your authentic voice becomes muted.You might find yourself thinking:"Why do I keep attracting the same type of partner?"or "Why do I become a different person in certain relationships?"The answer often lies in our earliest relationships –with our parents or primary caregivers.Here's what many people discover when exploring this pattern:There are typically two paths of incomplete individuation:The first is idealization.Perhaps one parent was placed on a pedestal –seen as perfect, infallible, the source of all wisdom and validation.Their approval became essential for your sense of worth.The second is persistent resentment.Maybe you defined yourself in opposition to a parent –"I'll never be like them" –yet find yourself unconsciously recreating similar dynamicsin your relationships– or to your horror:Becoming just like them.In both cases, the result is the same:you haven't fully separated your sense of selffrom these primary relationships.One woman I recently spoke to during an intuitive blind spot sessionwas still identifying as “the black sheep” and hada tough edge to her– and couldn’t see that she wasreaffirming this identity almost daily.All this came up after her husband’s affair.This becomes particularly painfulafter experiencing betrayal in adult relationships.When betrayal occurs,it doesn't just wound the present relationship.It activates every unresolved attachment wound from your past.The pain feels unbearable becauseit's not just about what happened now –it's about every time you've felt abandoned,unseen, or betrayed since childhood.And here's the cruel irony for intelligent folks:The very traits that make you successful in your careercan mask this wound.Your ability to compartmentalize.Your skill at managing emotions.Your focus on achievement rather than feelings.These coping mechanisms work brilliantly in professional contexts.But in intimate relationships–they can keep you trapped in cycles of disconnection.The physical experience of this pattern is unmistakable:That tightness in your chest when certain people call.The flashbacks of betrayal when you go to a restaurant.The way your voice changes around specific family members.The sudden brain fog when faced with conflict in close relationships.The inexplicable anxiety before holiday gatherings.Your body knows the truth before your mind acknowledges it.A client of mine – a successful executivewho had experienced a devastating betrayal in her marriage –described it perfectly:"I can command a boardroom of fifty people without breaking a sweat.But sitting across from my husband in therapy?I literally couldn't find my words.It was like I became a child again –desperate for approval, terrified of abandonment."This wasn't just about her husband's betrayal.It was about a lifetime of incomplete individuationthat made the betrayal feel like dying inside.Because when we haven't fully individuated,betrayal doesn't just feel like losing a relationship.It feels like losing ourselves.Here's where it gets even more painful:This pattern doesn't just affect our romantic relationships.It shows up in how we parent.In our friendships.In our professional relationships with authority figures.And until we address it,we remain vulnerable to people who –consciously or unconsciously – exploit this wound.The person who can't set boundaries with an unreasonable boss.The partner who tolerates infidelity because"at least he comes home to me."The friend who abandons their needs the moment conflict arises.All are showing signs of incomplete individuation.For high achievers,this pattern creates a particularly painful paradox:The more successful you become externally,the more disconnected you may feel internally.You build empires while your sense of self remains fragile.You manage millions while struggling to manage your own emotions.You advise others while doubting your own instincts ...
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    3 mins
  • What Is Individuation And Why We Need To Do It

    What Is Individuation And Why We Need To Do It
    Mar 20 2025
    There's a particular frustration many people experience on their healing journey.They've done extensive work on themselves.Read the books on attachment theory.Attended the workshops on communication.Polarity programs galore.Invested in the therapy sessions.Mastered the art of recognizing their patterns.Yet somehow, (even the therapists I talk to)many still find themselves:Making decisions based on what others will thinkAbandoning themselves in relationships to keep the peaceFeeling triggered by the same old conflicts, despite their awarenessWatching themselves react in ways that sabotage their deepest desiresIf you resonate with this experience,there's often a question that arises:"What's missing? I know in my head what I have to do,I just have no idea how to do it”.The answer is simpler—and more challenging—than most people think.Individuation.It's the critical piece absent from most personal growth work.The threshold one must cross to truly transform relationships.And it's what separates those who understand their patternsfrom those who actually break them.Here's what this means...Individuation is the psychological processof becoming one's true self outside the expectations of family,culture, and society.It's the hero's journey of separating from the identity constructedto belong and survive in a family system.Consider if any of these scenarios feel familiar:Still seeking parental approval, even if only subtlyHesitating to express truth for fear of disrupting family harmonyDifficulty making major life decisions without consulting others firstBuilding a career based on what was expected rather than what was desiredAbandoning personal needs to maintain relationshipsIf these scenarios resonate,complete individuation may not have occurred in your life.(And that’s not your fault– because nobody teaches it specifically).And here's the crucial insight most therapists miss:Until individuation happens, people often remain the child who reacts in self-sabotaging ways.This is why knowledge doesn't always translate into change.A person might understand their patterns intellectually.They can name their attachment style.They can identify their triggers.But in the heat of conflict,that intellectual understanding evaporates.The wounded child takes over.And all good intentions vanish.This dynamic plays out repeatedlywith high-achieving professionalswho excel in their careers but struggle in their personal relationships.The successful executive who can manage multi-million dollar projectsbut feels paralyzed when setting boundaries with parents or partner.The brilliant attorney who can command a courtroombut shrinks in the presence of a critical mother.The accomplished entrepreneur who built an empirebut still seeks validation from a father who never gave it.The undercurrent is always the same:extraordinary success in the external world,persistent struggle in the internal one.Ever wondered why?Because external achievement doesn't automatically create internal freedom.It's possible to climb to the top of a fieldwhile still emotionally operating from the programming of childhood.To master the art of leadershipwhile still being led by unconscious patterns.To build financial independencewhile remaining psychologically dependent.This is why so many outwardly successful peoplefeel like impostors in their own lives.They've built impressive external structures on fragile internal foundations.And the cost can be immense:Relationships that follow the same painful patterns despite different partnersA nagging sense of emptiness despite significant achievementsChronic anxiety that no amount of success seems to alleviateA persistent feeling of not being enough, no matter what's accomplishedIntimate relationships that are completely sexless that lack intimacyMost painful of allcan be the distance between who a person pretends to beand who they truly are.The gap between the persona shown to the worldand the authentic self never fully claimed.This is the shadow side of non-individuation.Living someone else's version of life.Making choices from fear rather than freedom.To be clear: Individuation isn't about rejecting family or culture.It's not about rebellion for its own sake.It's about the courage to define oneself beyond the roles assigned.It's about distinguishing between authentic desiresand conditioned responses.It's about claiming the authority to author one's own life.And yes, it will almost kill a person in the process.Because individuation requires risking not belonging.It demands facing the terrorof potentially being cast out from the tribe that raised them.It asks for stepping into the unknown territory of authentic selfhoodwithout the map a family provided.This is why it's so rare.It's easier to stay comfortable in the familiar discomfort of non-individuation.It's less threatening to repeat patternsthan to risk creating new ones.It's safer to remain “the good son or daughter” than to become the authentic ...
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    2 mins
  • How to Interrupt the Fawn Response

    How to Interrupt the Fawn Response
    Mar 16 2025

    Fawning as a trauma response is something I see so often in my work-people saying yes when they mean no, over-accommodating to avoid conflict, and ultimately losing themselves in the process. I know this pattern well because I've lived it, and breaking free from it changed everything for me.

    In this conversation with Michelle Chalafant, I dive deep into the roots of fawning, how it's ingrained in cultural conditioning, and why it leads to resentment and burnout. More importantly, I share how to recognize when you're caught in this cycle and the steps to reclaim your voice, set boundaries, and start living from a place of true self-worth.

    If you've ever struggled with people-pleasing, self-abandonment, or the fear of disappointing others, this conversation will give you a new lens to see what's really going on-and how to change it.

    Take a listen and let me know what stands out for you.

    #HowtoHealTrauma #StopAbandoningYourself #StopSelfAbandonment #consciousgrowth #consciousrecovery #conscioustransformation #empoweredhealing #empoweredliving #growthmindset #healingperspectives #identityhealing #identityreclaim #identityrestoration #nurturinghealing #nurturingself #overcomingvictimhood #positiveperspectives #selfcompassion #shiftingperspectives #victimmentality #victimrecovery #vulnerabilityinhealing #vulnerableself

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    Attachment Style Quiz:
    https://go.drnima.com/0fn1i
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    P.S. If this message struck a chord,
    and you're tired of the endless cycle
    of hope and disappointment in your relationships,
    I'm offering a limited number of Blind Spot Sessions
    (valued at $497) for those who are truly ready to transform.

    This isn't therapy.
    It's not about rehashing your past or learning more techniques.

    It's about identifying the precise blind spots
    keeping you trapped in the loop of doom.

    This is for FREE for the right person.
    To be considered, DM with:

    Your backstory (relationship patterns, key challenges)
    What you've already tried that hasn't worked
    What you hope to achieve through this work
    Finish with: "Nima, can I please get a link to your private calendar?"
    Only respond if you're ready to look in the mirror, not the magnifying glass.
    The truth will set you free, but first, it might piss you off.
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    46 mins
  • 𝗪𝗛𝗬 𝗪𝗢𝗠𝗘𝗡 𝗞𝗘𝗘𝗣 𝗔𝗧𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗡𝗔𝗥𝗖𝗜𝗦𝗦𝗜𝗦𝗧𝗜𝗖 𝗠𝗘𝗡 𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥

    𝗪𝗛𝗬 𝗪𝗢𝗠𝗘𝗡 𝗞𝗘𝗘𝗣 𝗔𝗧𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗡𝗔𝗥𝗖𝗜𝗦𝗦𝗜𝗦𝗧𝗜𝗖 𝗠𝗘𝗡 𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥
    Mar 13 2025

    Are you tired of attracting narcissistic men into your life,
    only to find yourself stuck in a cycle of toxic relationships?

    It's time to break free from this pattern and
    discover the underlying reasons
    why you keep attracting these types of men.

    In this video, we'll explore how unresolved trauma
    and poor emotional regulation
    can lead to a lack of healthy limits and boundaries,
    making you more susceptible to narcissistic abuse.

    By understanding the importance of
    nervous system regulation, polarity healing, and mindful living,
    you'll learn how to set resilient boundaries
    that empower you
    to create safe and authentic connections.

    Take the first step towards personal empowerment
    and join me on this journey of self-discovery and growth:

    Free attachment style quiz link:
    https://go.drnima.com/0fn1i
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    2 mins
  • 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐓𝐨𝐱𝐢𝐜 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐬

    𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐓𝐨𝐱𝐢𝐜 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐬
    Mar 11 2025

    Why do you keep choosing toxic partners? It’s not just about attracting them—it’s about being attracted to them. This deep-rooted pattern stems from unresolved anxious attachment and a fear of abandonment. In this short but powerful video, I break down how your avoidant tendencies push away your emotions, creating a blind spot that keeps you stuck in unhealthy relationships.


    Watch now to uncover the truth and break free from toxic cycles!


    🔔 Subscribe for more insights on relationships, attachment styles, and personal growth!


    📢 Share this with someone who needs to hear it!

    #AbandonmentIssues #AnxietyRecovery #AnxiousAttachment #ConsciousLove #ConsciousPartnerships #ConsciousRelationships #CouplesTherapy #EmotionalRegulation
    #FeminineEnergy #FeminineEssence #FeminineFlow #Gaslighting #GenderPolarity #LovePolarity
    #MindfulPartnerships #NervousSystemRegulation #PersonalEmpowerment #Polarity #PolarityPlay
    #PolarityTherapy #RelationshipEnhancement #RelationshipMastery #RelationshipPolarity
    #SelfAwareness #ToxicCycles
    Show More Show Less
    2 mins
  • From Soulmates To Cellmates: The Dark Side of Love

    From Soulmates To Cellmates: The Dark Side of Love
    Mar 4 2025

    In this video, we explore the phenomenon where initial 'soulmate' connections transform into confining 'cellmate' relationships. Discover how powerful first impressions can sometimes be rooted in unresolved traumas, leading to patterns that mirror our primary attachments. By understanding trauma bonds, we can break free from these cycles and foster healthier, secure relationships. Join us as we discuss the journey from recognizing these patterns to achieving personal healing and building fulfilling connections.

    Upcoming Overview Experience Virtual Event (Every month)
    Dissolve your current relationship resentment, heal your attachment wounds, resolve your past and bring clarity to your next step.
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    2 mins
  • What is Projection and how it shows up in relationships

    What is Projection and how it shows up in relationships
    Feb 23 2025
    If there was one thing I wished more people struggling with conflict in relationships understood,it’s this:IT’S NEVER ABOUT WHAT IT’S ABOUT.The disagreement? It’s only the tip of the iceberg.What’s really happening is something much deeper—a projection, like a movie playing on a screen.But the drama isn’t on the screen. It’s inside the projector—YOU.You know the cycle, don’t you.The same arguments on repeat, like a bad playlist you can’t escape.The rising tension that makes you feel unseen, unheard, and powerless.The emotional meltdowns that leave you drained, questioning if love is supposed to feel this heavy.You’ve tried everything—calm conversations, walking away, maybe even couples therapy. But nothing sticks. The same wounds keep showing up, dressed in different clothes.It’s exhausting.You’ve wondered:“Why do they keep doing this?”“Why can’t I just find someone who gets me?”“Is it me? Am I the problem?”And here’s the truth you don’t want to hear but need to:Yes, it’s you (like the Taylor Swift song).But not in the way you think.This is the essence of “Projections" in relationships.Every time you’re triggered, two hidden dynamics are at play:Projection 1: “Just Like When”That trait in your partner—their tone, their distance, their bossiness—that sets you off-- It’s a carbon copy of someone from your past(you know who I’m talking about). Maybe it’s your partner’s dismissiveness that echoes your mother’s silent treatment. Or their criticism that feels eerily like your father’s impossible standards.You’re not fighting your partner. You’re fighting a ghost.Projection 2: “Just Like Me”This confronts many people at the Overview Experience Training: The thing you can’t stand in them— It’s a mirror to a part of yourself you’ve disowned or stuffed away, or rejected.Example: Their neediness makes you furious because you’ve buried your own parts that are anxious and needy.Their jealousy drives you mad because it reflects your own insecurities.This is why conflict feels so raw—it’s not just about the relationship. It’s about the unresolved parts of you.This is why having the courage to look at your own shadows is so magical. Imagine this:Instead of avoiding conflict, you lean into it as a tool for growth.Arguments stop feeling like emotional landmines and start becoming opportunities for intimacy.You no longer chase love, approval, or security. You become it.When you learn how to “integrate" these two projections, everything changes:You stop blaming your partner for your triggers.You reclaim your power and become the secure partner you’ve been searching for.You create a relationship where love feels like peace, not chaos.Try This: Shadow Work in ActionHere’s a simple exercise to take your first step:Pause. Take a deep breath the next time you’re triggered.Reflect. Ask yourself:“Who does this remind me of?”“What’s the first memory this situation brings up?”You will notice that this frustration is a reflection, just like when you were younger in a similar dynamic.You’re replaying it as a chance to heal.Then pick up the mirror. Now ask:“What trait in them might actually be a reflection of me?”“Where do I do the same in my own flavor?” "What part of myself am I rejecting right now?”Write your answers down when you’re reflecting.This is where things begin to shift.Imagine waking up each day, no longer held hostage by your triggers.No more arguments spiraling into chaos.No more chasing approval or fearing abandonment.Instead, you approach conflict with clarity and grace.You stand grounded in your truth—without anger, without fear.You create relationships that feel like a safe haven, not a battlefield.When you put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror, something extraordinary happens:You stop waiting for someone else to change, and you become the catalyst for transformation.This is the power of becoming Trigger-Proof.It’s not about being perfect.It’s about showing up authentically, owning your story, and learning to repair when things go off track.Because the quality of your relationships shapes the quality of your life—and you hold the key to both.This pattern didn’t start with you,but with the right tools, the power is in your hands for it to end with you.Your guide in breaking the cycle,Nima------P.S. If this podcast resonates,and you’re ready to stop losing yourself in relationships…I’m offering a free Blind Spot Intuitive Session ($497 value)to those who are serious about breaking free from this cycleand creating secure, thriving relationships.On this session, we’ll identify the exact unconscious patterns keeping you stuckin enmeshment and map out how to reclaim your independencewithout losing your connection.But here’s the catch: This is only for those who can follow instructions,and aren’t going to be too offended by some ...
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    2 mins