Ever wondered why someone pays to be dominated? In this electrifying episode, I sit down with Miss May, a professional dominatrix, dungeon owner, and kink educator based in London and Berlin. We unpack what it really means to be a dominatrix — from understanding BDSM and power exchange to why humiliation and taboo fantasies can actually be healing. Ms. May shares what her clients request most, how kink can create emotional release, and what it’s like to separate her professional “Mistress” persona from her personal life.
This is not your typical sex conversation — it’s raw, fascinating, and deeply human.
👉 Watch Part 2 on Substack for the full unfiltered visual version (YouTube gets a little sensitive).
Head to Substack here: https://karenbigman.substack.com/p/why-people-pay-to-be-dominated-and
Timestamps:
00:00 – Show intro: mission + midlife sexuality
00:35 – Why people pay to be dominated
01:05 – Guest intro: Ms. May, dominatrix & dungeon owner
01:45 – Path to pro: from private submissive to domme
03:00 – Learning the dungeon “pro” side
03:40 – Berlin studio years (Fetish Institute)
04:20 – BDSM 101: terms, roles, “vanilla” clarified
05:30 – Who hires a domme: client diversity
06:10 – Common requests: latex, bondage sacks, hoods, sensory play
07:05 – Subspace and meditative states explained
07:45 – Taboo play and humiliation: why it appeals
08:40 – Power release for high-status clients
09:15 – Can kink heal? Shame, consent, reclamation
10:05 – Re-writing past scripts and saying “no”
10:45 – Is kink always sexual? What “sex” means here
11:35 – Outcomes: orgasm vs experience, cages, spanking, observation
12:25 – Boundaries and emotional detachment as a pro
13:05 – Dating while a sex worker: stigma and challenges
13:55 – Visual segment setup: toy wall preview
14:15 – Collars, leashes, gags, cuffs: use cases
15:05 – Latex bondage jacket: full restraint demo
15:55 – Session length: 2–6 hours or longer with breaks
16:25 – Safety checks: breath, numbness, positioning
16:55 – Pre-scene negotiation: activities, health, tools, marks
17:45 – Consent frameworks: traffic-light safe words
18:25 – Mid-scene check-ins and non-verbal protocols
18:55 – Aftercare: down-ramp, tea, biscuits, grounding
19:30 – How to hire a pro: research, screening, deposits
20:20 – Red flags and scams: who contacts whom
20:55 – Pricing in London: typical hourly range
21:20 – Legal landscape: UK partial legality
21:55 – Germany model: registration and limits
22:30 – Why decriminalization is preferred
23:00 – UK vs Germany studio culture and isolation
23:35 – Personal switch: being submissive privately
24:00 – Lightning round: definition of sex
24:25 – Lightning round: best orgasm
24:45 – Lightning round: untried fantasy
25:05 – Key takeaways
25:35 – Substack CTA: full video and sensitive visuals
26:10 – Like, follow, review, share
Want a deeper look? Watch the full episode on YouTube for a more visual experience of today’s discussion. This episode is best enjoyed on video—don’t miss out!
Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Menopause Coach, tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. We explore the intricacies of sex during perimenopause, post-menopause, and andropause, offering insights and support for all those experiencing these transformative phases.
This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed...
33 mins