Welcome to SPECTRE etc. This is the James Bond podcast where we discuss the ins and the outs of each film. In this episode, Timothy Dalton takes us on a tour of an Afghan conflict and shows us the conflict of a Cellist tour in “The Living Daylights”.

* The pre-titles sequence is a welcome return to M’s office being out of his office. Bond has to jump a jeep off Gibraltar, before some music from A-Ha triggers memories of DJ Skat Kat.

* Bond must help Crybaby Saunders with Yorgi’s defection from the KGB. Bond spots a cellist acting as a sniper, and Kara can count herself lucky to escape with just a rash. Bond’s plan to cross the border leads to a much earlier (and shorter!) motorboat scene than previous films.

* A very frail Q still out of the office, but eventually 007 drags him back to the lab. Moneypenny is new and young and… still kinda lame. As is the ghetto blaster gag.

* Yorgi’s MI6 safehouse has incredibly lax security (and no cows, apparently), so an evil KGB milkman is able to break in and use a misappropriated Red Cross logo to steal Yorgi back for Mother Russia.

* Bond realises Yorgi’s defection was a scam and that Kara is his ticket to Yorgi. After some alone time in a public bathroom, Bond whisks Kara away. They are chased by an army of pursuers, but Bond is able to use car gadgets and Kara gadgets (a cello case) to evade them.

* James shows Kara an evening of culture (the opera and the circus) and then takes her, on the ferris wheel. Kara heads off for some post-coital postcard shopping, while Bond says a final goodbye to Saunders - who gets caught in a jamb.

* Bond breaks into Pushkin’s hotel room, and uses a naked girl to help set up a fake assassination. Bond beats Necros to the shot, and escapes by running across rooftops. Once again, 007 is kidnapped by an ally - this time he is brought to Felix Leiter’s frathouse for some solo cups of Jim Beam. Before Felix can rack up the Beer Pong table, James joins Kara - where Kara’s chloral-hydrate martini ensures his bad luck with drinks continues.

* Knocked out, Bond is captured and thrown on a plane to Afghanistan. Alongside him is a cooler carrying a heart, packed in ice. Upon arrival, Bond escapes the airbase and joins the Mujahideen in their fight for freedom.

* Bond heads back to the airbase to infiltrate the opium smuggling but gets sloppy with his disguise, so is forced to steal a plane full of opium. Just before take-off, James allows Kara to enter from behind. Unfortunately, Necros is also able to enter one of Bond’s openings.

* Necros tries to garrotte Bond with a net, but they both end up falling out the arse-end of the plane. James loses a show, but returns to the cockpit in time to prevent Kara piloting the plane into a mountain. He crash-lands in Pakistan - somehow close to both Karachi and Islamabad.

* Bond heads to Whittaker’s playroom to tie up a few loose ends. Whittaker has a lot of toys, including a remote-control cannon! Bond kills Whittaker, and then kills a witticism. Then, after all this work Dalton does to instil some realness in Bond, the idea of a Kara Milovy World Tour stretches the film’s credibility to breaking point!

Official SPECTRE etc Theory (OffSeT) #16: Q hates his wife. Why is Q always out in the field? Those dangerous duties could be handled by someone far less important. Did Q miscue when he chose Miss Q?

And of course, keep checking back for a link to our petition to have Q restricted to London duties!

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Welcome to SPECTRE etc. This is the James Bond podcast where we discuss the ins and the outs of each film. In this episode, we return to the safety of EON films so the Broccoli Family can Roger us one Moore time as we Walk-ento “A View to a Kill”.

* The pre-titles sequence is pre-empted by a legal disclaimer that strangely fails to warn the viewer about the upcoming Beach Boys sound-a-like.

* Q and Bond discuss microchips as they try to avoid kicking a Floor-Droid. Moneypenny has disposed of Penelope Smallbone, and she is overjoyed to be invited to join the boys at the races. Tibbett (yes, MI6 has an equine expert) also attends.

* Tibbett suggests Bond head to France to learn more about Zorin - the owner of a winning horse - so Bond is off to the Eiffel Tower! There he meets an incredibly French investigator. May Day kills Frenchie, and forces Bond to steal a car from an even Frencher guy - sacre bleu!

* Bond and Tibbett head to Zorin’s chateau, disguised as a Lord and his manservant. They “pull a Kananga” in order to sneak around - discovering Zorin’s vials and microchips and henchmen. A couple of test tubes is all Bond needs to join the dots on Zorin’s horse-cheating.

* Bond makes a move on Mayday, and - presumably as an act of revenge - Mayday kills Tibbett. After a little horseplay, Zorin tries to drown 007, but a tired Bond is saved by his prehensile tongue.

* Zorin’s blimp arrives at San Francisco, with Bond mystifyingly close behind. James tries to buy some crabs, but ends up with just a steaming cup of exposition. After 007 sifts through this information, he decides to sneak up on Stacey in the shower.

* Bond uses an a-SALT rifle to save Stacey, before whisking her eggs. A quick trip to City Hall reveals Zorin’s genius does not extend to naming Operations. Nevertheless, Zorin is able to find enough rum to give Bond and Stacey a hot shaft.

* Bond and Stacey escape the flames, and are forced into a silly slapstick subplot involving San Francisco’s stupidest police. James hijacks one of Zorin’s trucks, allowing he and Stacey to sneak into the mine.

* Zorin goes a bit mental, killing most of his henchmen. Bond saves Stacey, and then works with May Day to prevent Zorin’s master plan from coming to fruition. Enraged, Zorin uses his getaway-blimp to sneak up on Stacey, but Bond is able to hang from a rope - just as the film’s credibility hangs by a thread.

* Bond ties the blimp to some bridge, before throwing a flaccid Zorin into the Bay. Dr. Monocle tries to detonate Bond, but James is able to kill the remaining bad guys with their own bomb.

* Bond receives the Order of Lenin but misses the ceremony. Once Roger realises that MI6 sent Q to see Bond shower, he throws in the towel.

Worst Impersonation Trophy:

Matt tries to give us a bit of Bowie, but ends up channeling the Flight of the Conchords instead.

And of course, keep checking back for a link to our petition to have “The Spy Who Loved Me” officially registered as the best film of Roger’s reign.

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Twitter: @SpectreEtc007

Instagram/Threads: @spectreetc

Email: spectreetc007@gmail.com

Welcome to SPECTRE etc. This is the James Bond podcast where we discuss the ins and the outs of each film. In this episode, we risk the wrath of the Broccoli Mafia by straying from Eon Productions. Find out if Kevin McClory’s offer was one we should have refused in “Never Say Never Again”.

* The pre-titles and the titles are efficiently merged. Sean’s face fills the screen before his cinematically-shot training mission goes awry. resulting in an absolutely awful M sending 007 to detox.

* The SPECTRE meeting shows they are no longer the Industry Leader. It seems their sole focus now is to repeatedly spell out the acronym - which seems to excite McClory far more than it should. SPECTRE sends #12 to assassinate Captain Jack in the most contrived way possible.

* In a clear cry for help, Bond fills his rehab suitcase with contraband. Once at detox, Bond undergoes more colonics than one would think necessary. Then he is attacked by a henchman who is also a Count. Luckily Bond is able to give the noble thug a piss of his mind.

* On Largo’s boat, the office doubles as a peep-show booth. He watches Domino dance for a bit, then zips up and heads out to give her a “Tears of Allah” pendant before threatening to slit her throat. Nice guy.

* Before heading to the Bahamas, Bond visits Q’s lab. Unfortunately he only finds Algie - some degenerate cockney who tries to live vicariously through 007 anecdotes. In the Bahamas, Bond is greeted by his new offsider: Mr. Bean.

* Bond and #12 go deep, and then head underwater. They swim with the sharks, but Bond is able to find safety in an unflattering pair of overalls. Luckily, when Bond’s hotel room explodes, he is still wearing protection.

* Bond chases Largo to France, where he meets up with the best Felix yet. Bond sneaks into a spa to assault The Sister of the Guy Who Did the Thing. Domino tells 007 that Largo will be at the casino that night, helping out some local orphan kids.

* At the casino, Bond is coerced into competing against Largo at his own game. Domination is annoying to watch, and looks awful to play. But it is a whole lot easier to watch than Bond telling Domino about her brother’s death during a ballroom dance.

* Bond jumps on his motorcycle and chases #12 around town. She eventually traps him, and becomes a plot device enabling Bond to use his pen gun. Thankfully, this contrivance allows Bond to kill her before he and Felix strip down to their underwear.

* Bond pops up on Largo’s boat a little early for their lunch date. Largo captures Bond, but lets his prisoner wander free on the boat. This lax approach has many negative consequences for Largo. He responds by locking Bond in a tower, and giving Domino a spit-bridge kiss before putting her on the auction block.

* Bond escapes, rescues Domino, and kills a horse. Back on the boat, M uses the intercom to sexily serenade Bond and Domino. Bond realises Domino’s pendant is a clue - so it is time to bust out the jetpacks!

* A too-long gunfight scene leads to an underwater sequence in a saltwater drinking well. Before all that swimming killed Connery’s hairpiece, Domino (she is an agent now?) shows up to kill Largo.

* While the epilogue usually shows the viewer that Bond is never completely safe, this time the final scene puts the viewer in danger.

And of course, keep checking back for a link to our petition to have Kevin McClory locked in a room for an interrogation by Col!

Contact us:

Facebook: SPECTREetc

Twitter: @SpectreEtc007

Instagram/Threads: @spectreetc

Email: spectreetc007@gmail.com