• Fired For Self Worth
    Jun 23 2025
    EDITOR’S NOTE: 🔥 LIVE workshop this Friday at 2 pm EST. It’s called, “How to Get Hired For Your Dream Job (Without Bowing to the B******t!)” I’ll be teaching you the secrets that got Tony Robbins to hire me. You’ll learn:* The one question to ask at the start of every job interview that flips the script and makes you the boss. (They’ll say, “Nobody’s ever said that before.”) * How to become the best in your field.* What it was like working for some of the biggest players in the online marketing world, including Ramit Sethi, Neil Patel, Agora, Jason Fladlien, and more.* How to seed your future with career victories 2-3 years in advance.Reserve your ticket here.(VIP members get access for free. Upgrade here.) But first…Let’s drag Tony… Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,I used to work for Tony Robbins.The guy who tells millions of people every year to raise their standards.✅ To know their worth.✅ To take massive action.✅ To never settle for less than they deserve.I believed him.I listened.I executed.And then one day, I decided to actually live that message.I went to my boss—Jesse Ecker—and asked for a raise.Not a crazy ask. Just a raise that reflected the A-list copy I was delivering for one of the biggest personal development brands on earth.What happened next?I got fired.Not for doing bad work.Not for slacking off.Not for missing deadlines.I got fired because I dared to believe I was worth more.Let’s just be clear about what that means:I got fired from a company that teaches people to know their value……because I knew mine.The irony doesn’t just sting—it screams.This wasn’t some faceless tech firm or soulless corporate giant.This was Tony Robbins.The "Take massive action!" guy.The "Raise your standards!" guy.The "Live with passion!" guy.And the second I did that—lived his teachings—I got slapped back into place like I’d committed some cardinal sin.Let’s call it what it is:Hypocrisy.Because if you’re preaching one thing outwardly—and practicing the opposite internally—what do you call that?A brand?No.A scam.Let me break this down:They didn’t fire me for being bad.They fired me for being brave.They fired me when I stopped being the “grateful freelancer” and start being the “true professional.”They fired me when my belief in myself threatened the chain of command.That’s what happened to me.And the worst part?I had looked up to these people.I studied Tony’s work for years.I dreamed of being part of this movement.And then—bam.One conversation.One honest request.One act of self-worth… and I’m out.Let me tell you something most people inside the personal development industry are too scared to say:These companies don’t build leaders.They build followers who buy tickets.They don’t want you to rise.They want you to clap harder.And the second you show up with an actual spine…The second you embody what they’ve been preaching?You become a problem.A “bad culture fit.”A “diva.”An “egotistical freelancer who’s asking for too much.”That’s how they spin it.But the truth?I didn’t get fired for failing.I got fired for being powerful.Jesse told me I was “undeserving” for asking for more money.Not “Hey, we can’t afford it right now.”Not “Let’s revisit this in 90 days.”Not “Here’s what we’d need to see to justify that number.”No.Just straight-up: “You’re not worthy of more.”Said from the inside of a self-worth empire.Ain’t that a b***h.That told me everything I needed to know.Outwardly: transformation.Inwardly: control.Here’s what I learnedThis wasn’t a death.This was a birth.It forced me to wake up to a pattern that had been governing me for my whole life:I kept asking OTHERS to validate my worth—because I hadn’t claimed it for myself yet.I thought I NEEDED permission.Turns out—I needed exile.Because it was only after Jesse fired me that I finally understood:Those who preach power will often try to crush it when it appears too close to home.But there’s no hard feelings.This is just the law of the jungle.Power is NEVER given. It’s taken. Because if you become powerful, who’s left to buy the ticket?Who’s left to stay in line, applaud on cue, and say, “Yes sir, I’m so grateful to be here”?Not you.You’re dangerous now.You own yourself now.You’re outside the story.And once you’re outside the story?They can’t control you.So here’s my message to you:If you’re in a situation where you’re doing excellent work…And the second you ask for more, they punish you?That’s not feedback. That’s fear.Their fear of your independence.Their fear of your self-belief.Their fear of losing control over you.It means you’ve already outgrown the room.And the door that closed behind you?That wasn’t rejection.That was release.Now, go build something nobody can ever take away from you. Or, join me this Friday to find your dream job. I’m not teaching you how to “...
    Show More Show Less
    6 mins
  • AI Took My Job Last Summer.
    Jun 23 2025
    Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,This is a photo of my twin sister and me.Her name is Ashley. She’s been missing for almost 15 years. People ask me all the time, “Where’s your sister? What’s going on with her?”The truth? She vanished. Became a ghost.Which brings me to last summer…In 2024, I was living the dream—writing copy for Tony Robbins. Dream client. High performance. Big wins.I was the golden boy. Just delivered a $23 million sales letter. The numbers didn’t lie. The results spoke for themselves.So after a year of relentless deadlines, I asked for a raise. But it wasn’t just about the money. It was desperate.You see, my sister spends most of her time in catatonia—like a ghost, really. Rail thin. Tormented by voices all day. She can’t work. She can’t drive. She’s totally helpless. And she’s in a third-world country with no real medical help.She’s all I’ve got.We grew up side by side. Same schools, same classes, same university. We even started our first business together. And with all the professional success I’ve had, I’m haunted by what could have been. She was brilliant—top of her class, a ballerina, a pianist. She earned a medical degree on a full scholarship. But schizophrenia ravaged her life, and there’s nothing I can do.Behind my career, there’s a mission. I need to move heaven and earth to get her the care she needs. But the reality is, I wasn’t making enough money to help her. So, I asked for a raise. It wasn’t just a “nice to have” request—it was a matter of life and death for her. I needed to get her the help she deserved, and quickly.But instead of compassion, I got fired.Consider donating to my sister Ashley’s GoFundMe here—because we can’t wait for the world to change for us. We’re taking matters into our own hands.When Tony Robbins fired me, they didn’t warn me or even talk to me.So I had no idea for a week.I just kept doing my job until Melanie—who helped me land my first big client 10 years ago—told me I wasn’t supposed to be there anymore.That broke me.But here’s the kicker—this wasn’t just about a missed email or an office mistake. No, they used AI to analyze my work retroactively, searching for “weaknesses” to justify firing me. I had just delivered a $23 million sales letter. My work had generated millions for them. And now, they were using AI to find reasons to criticize me. It was like a betrayal on top of betrayal. They didn’t even have the decency to confront me personally. Instead, they used a machine to pick apart my performance after the fact.I spiraled. Questioned my worth. Blamed myself. Felt like I was back in a struggle I thought I’d left behind.I know how to perform at the highest level, but when I’m down, I can’t function. And I was sick of being punished for asking for what I was worth.Jesse called me “ungrateful.” “Undeserving.”After a $23 million launch. After 15 years of grinding.I came from a third-world country. There was a time I couldn’t even open a U.S. bank account. I made it to Tony’s doorstep, and I’m proud of what I’ve achieved.I’m an Agora-trained copywriter. That’s like the Harvard of copywriting.I’ve written for the sharpest marketers out there: Ramit Sethi, Neil Patel, Jason Fladlien. You call that “undeserving”? Nah.That’s what late-stage capitalism gets you—sell your soul, then get stabbed in the back.Whatever. I’m done with that.I’m starting something nobody can take away from me.For the longest time, I didn’t know what I’d do next. I spent years writing for others, but never knew what I’d say for myself.Now I know.This newsletter, Permission to Be Powerful, is special. People are already raving about it. One reader told me my posts made her cry four times.My voice is more powerful than ever. The world is listening.I’ve got so much love for Tony Robbins. I wouldn’t be who I am today without him. I’ve listened to his work since I was 18. He taught me to think big and dream even bigger. No question—he helped shape the man I am today.But, I’m coming for him anyway.Why?Because Tony’s best years are behind him. But my voice is just getting started.That’s why I started Permission to Be Powerful.We’re small now, but this newsletter has been forged from 15 years of writing alongside the best, and it’s only going to grow.Consider donating to my sister Ashley’s GoFundMe here—because we’re taking matters into our own hands.And as for my next step, Permission to Be Powerful is my mission to build something nobody can take from me. It’s a product of 15 years of writing for the best, and it’s only going to grow from here.By subscribing, you’re supporting more than just a newsletter. You’re part of this journey—my journey—to empower myself, my sister, and anyone who’s ready to take control of their own life.I’m not asking for a handout. I’m asking for a community of people who believe in ...
    Show More Show Less
    6 mins
  • How to Teach People Lessons They Never Forget
    Jun 18 2025
    Editor’s Note: Every now and then, I like to teach people lessons they never forget. This is one of those times when an ex girlfriend crossed the line.Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,I didn’t want to write this post.I didn’t want to be in this position at all.But here we are—because someone crossed a line that cannot be uncrossed.I’m talking about a woman who knowingly, deliberately, and disgustingly stole from me.Not just ideas.Not just documents.She stole my identity.She tried to break something sacred—me.The First PostIt started with a photo.Just a quiet, romantic image of the two of us.Anyone scrolling might’ve thought it was nostalgia.The caption?“If you know her, tell her to give me back my stolen documents.She stole my identity.She’s literally trying to get me deported.”No screaming. No ranting.Just cold truth dropped with surgical precision.People felt it.People believed me.Because I’ve never been a liar—and when I speak, people know I mean it.The Second PostThe next day, I dropped another.“Give it back.”That’s all I said.Three words. No yelling. No performance.Just a command from the soul.And the silence that followed?You could feel her praying it was over.Coast is clear, she thought.But no, b***h. Not another round of shame for you.I was going to keep going for days.She wrecked me emotionally. I cried for days.Humiliated. Gaslit. Enraged. Terrified.So yeah—I was ready to drag it out.But after that second post, I started to feel queasy.Not from guilt. From disgust.She made me sick.Continuing the posts felt like drinking poison.So I stepped back.Not because she didn’t deserve the next round—But because I needed to reclaim my peace, too.The Quote That Broke Her MaskIn one of those posts, I dropped the line she once said to me directly:“If you knew what I did, you wouldn’t want to be friendly with me.”Let that sink in.She said that. Not me.At first, it chilled me. Later, it haunted me.Because I realized—she wasn’t confessing.She was warning me.She knew what she did.She knew it was indefensible.And still—she did it anyway.Now? Now she has to sit with the fact that she told on herself.Her words. Not mine.I didn’t twist anything.She outed her own darkness. I just turned up the light.The Police ReportYes—I’m filing with the police.The only delay? Logistics.They have to come to my apartment to take the report.But it’s happening.This isn’t “drama.”This is a criminal act.And I’ll prove it to Facebook, the authorities—whoever needs to hear it.Would I lie to the police?No.I don’t play those games.She Tried to Reach Out (Too Late)After everything…After stealing from me, after lying, after trying to gut me—she emailed me.The last place she still had access to.I blocked her.Because by the time you and me go to war?The talking part is over.I don’t want her apology.I don’t want her excuses.She has nothing left to say that could ever be credible again.You don’t steal someone’s soul and then get to talk it out.What Is She Thinking?A Psychological Profile of a Guilty Woman Who Got CaughtYou keep asking me:“What is she thinking right now?”Let me tell you:She’s flailing.Not because I’m yelling.But because I’m not.I’m precise. I’m calm. I’m composed.And I’m believable as hell.And in her world?Credibility is death.Because the moment the public believes me, her mask falls off—And shame floods in.So what’s going through her head?1. “He Wasn’t Supposed to Say Anything.”Her entire strategy depended on my silence.She never thought I’d speak. Never thought I’d fight.But now I’m exposing her calmly, confidently, with logic and lethal accuracy.She’s realizing she fucked with the wrong man—a man who’s been through war and came back articulate.2. “He’s Making Me Look Bad… and I Can’t Stop It.”Damage control isn’t working.She’s texting mutuals, spinning narratives.But I didn’t spiral—I stated facts. And people are siding with me.She’s watching her trust equity evaporate in real time.3. “He’s Using Our Old Photos… and It’s Ruining My Image.”This was genius.The photos are romantic—so they soften the post, but underline the betrayal.It’s poetic. It’s ironic. It’s horrifying.And she’s with someone else now.So not only is her image in question—Her new man is probably side-eyeing the hell out of her.Wondering who the hell he’s sleeping next to.And I didn’t even say a word about that.I let the silence do the violence.4. “S**t… He Has Me Cornered.”Let’s review the facts:* Only she knew about the folder* I told her it was the most important thing in my life* She had unsupervised access to my apartment* She was the last one in before it disappeared* I live alone. No one else comes through.* Her public quote literally referenced a past betrayal I didn’t know about yetAnd then, boom:“If you knew what I did…”Past tense. Not “will do.” Not “might do....
    Show More Show Less
    9 mins
  • How to Say 'No' WITHOUT Guilt
    Jun 17 2025
    Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,Boundaries start with the word No. In other words, if you can’t say the word No… You have no boundaries. That was me for most of my life, yet I didn’t recognize it. If you can’t say No, you’re at everyone else’s mercy. If you can’t say No, the people around you will use and exploit you. This is a huge problem — not being able to say No. But this was how I lived for my whole life.It was exhausting, and I felt incredibly guilty for saying No.Some people, like me, have issues saying “No,” and others have problems hearing “know.”Some people become enraged when they hear the word No. This is not an appropriate or healthy response, but that’s the beauty of humanity — we come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and flavors. And some people believe some crazy s**t. Some people make it scarily far in life without hearing the word No.This is how you turn a child into a monster by refusing to enforce limits on them. As stated before, boundaries are not about words. I used to think that complaining about how people treated me was the same as boundaries. Very wrong. Nobody has the right to take your boundaries away from you. Anyone who makes you think that they do is probably very unhealthy, if not mentally ill.But millions of people live this way. They feel entitled to do whatever they want. This could be for any number of reasons: narcissism or some other type of character defect. I struggled with that word so much. At 19, I worked in a kitchen. When it came time for me to quit, I was so afraid to tell my boss that I stopped showing up until they got the message. For whatever reason, I have some trauma around speaking up. In moments when I must put up a boundary, I recoil and start fawning instead.The words escape me, and with that, I slowly watch my agency dwindling in real-time. Why? Why is saying No so hard for some people?Well… some people are conflict-averse.Others lust for conflict.Some people over-empathize with other people’s feelings.Some people grew up in environments where they were trained to focus on everybody BUT themselves.Some people have some strange ideas about whether or not boundaries deserve respect.Some people have trouble speaking up for themselves in the presence of an authority figure. The problem could be situational. You may do all the work whenever you get into a group project while everyone else slacks off.Maybe that’s been happening to you repeatedly for your whole life. There are many reasons why people do not enforce boundaries. But if you struggle with this problem, you will invite exploitation and stress into your life. I let people take advantage of me for so long that I finally said no, “Enough is enough,” after I was so exhausted that there was nothing left to give.One of the reasons some people struggle to say No is because they don’t even know what their rights are. If you grew up in a strict or oppressive household, you may even doubt that you have any rights at all. So, before I even talk about saying know, I’d like to preface this lesson with some perspective that may help people get more comfortable saying the word No. First of all… you have the right to decide to do ANYTHING.You have the right to think about anything. You have the right to change your mind. So many people have trouble with this one. You agree to help your friend out, but on the day, you’re tired, sick, the weather’s awful — whatever the case may be — and you don’t want to help them anymore. But you already agreed. Now you feel trapped. Guess what: you can change your mind anytime, no matter what anyone tells you.When I got into this concept, I reviewed the United Nation’s Universal Declaration of Human Rights. These are rights that every human has, no matter who they are or where they’re born. Worth reviewing. The next time somebody tries to infringe on your rights, you’ll be clear on what you deserve regardless of what the other person thinks about it.You also have the right not to know. Manipulative people love to suggest that you should “know better.” It’s a great way to convince you to give up your right to live as you see fit. But you don’t have to know better. If anyone asks you what the “right” way to do something “should” be … “I don’t know.” It is a perfectly valid response.When you start enforcing boundaries, your life becomes calmer and more peaceful. While there may be some upheaval and conflict when you begin enforcing boundaries with others, your life becomes more peaceful once you successfully implement your boundaries.If you don’t feel comfortable saying “no,” your next best bet is to say…“Let me think about it.” That phrase changed my life. Any time I was on the spot… I wanted to say “No,” but I felt conflicted… “I’ll think about it.” It gave me the time and space I needed to collect myself. I still use this phrase today.Here’s an essential ...
    Show More Show Less
    9 mins
  • The Upside Down
    Jun 16 2025
    EDITOR’S NOTE: Grab these indie author books for free. Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,The more I understand people, the more stunned I am.We like to think we know how human beings work. We assume people are logical, that they operate on some shared foundation of truth and reason.But what if we were wrong?What if our machinery operated differently from the way we think?That brings me to gaslighting.One of the most insidious human inventions.Gaslighters don’t live in the real world. They distort truth, bend reality, and rewrite history in real-time. They manipulate, omit, and twist details to fit their own version of events. And the worst part? They don’t respect your truth.Your version of reality deserves respect.That’s the short answer to dealing with a gaslighter: do not engage.Now, let’s go deeper.Not everyone lives in a world where facts are irrefutable. Some people live in stories—stories they invent, reinforce, and force onto others. They curate narratives, omitting inconvenient details, spinning reality until it suits their agenda.I despise this topic. It makes my brain feel like Swiss cheese. Too many years of being gaslit left me questioning myself at every turn.She was unbeatable.She fooled trained professionals. A judge. Family. Strangers.There’s a reason I avoid talking about this. I don’t want my credibility called into question. I don’t want to be seen as the villain.I am entitled to my truth.Especially after having it erased for so long.I hold onto it fiercely.That’s why I gave up lying altogether. When your reality is constantly being distorted by someone else, brutal honesty becomes your only lifeline.Because if I let go of the truth, even for a second, I’d drown in the gaslighting.She was unbeatable.Even with a professional at my side, she demolished me.My only option was to walk away. You cannot reason with someone who refuses to engage in good faith.She never listened.She was always sure she was right.And she believed her own b******t.Her mother was the same way—constantly feeding her untreated anxiety with wild, unverified stories.One time, we were thinking about visiting a small island just off the coast. You would need a little boat.Just a little bit too far off the beaten path for my mother in law.She discouraged us from going…Because rastas with machine guns were there.Only in retrospect did I piece together what was happening.People always tell you who they are.Even when they’re hiding it.If you listen closely, they’ll let it slip.I remember one day, clear as crystal.She looked me in the eye and said:"No matter what, I never back down. It doesn’t matter what they say. Always double down."I sat there, stunned.That level of deliberate deception—that sheer refusal to ever admit fault—was something I couldn’t even begin to process.Most people are just kids in adult bodies.You think you’re dealing with a rational, reasonable, sane person.You’re wrong.Some people stopped maturing at age two.The Opposite of TruthSome people don’t care about truth.They care about winning.They care about control—who gets to tell the story, who gets to be believed. They don’t just twist reality. Sometimes, they’ll tell the exact opposite of the truth.That’s what makes gaslighting so effective.It’s disorienting.It scrambles your brain. It short-circuits your ability to defend yourself. When someone tells you something so blatantly false—so backwards—your mind struggles to process it.It’s called a double bind.Your brain can’t think in two opposing directions at once.It makes you feel crazy.It makes you question yourself.And that’s exactly what they want.👉 Maybe it was your fault.👉 👉Maybe you do have it all wrong.👉👉👉 Maybe YOU’RE the a*****e.That’s how they sink their hooks into you. That’s how they keep you trapped.But here’s what I’ve learned:I don’t allow gaslighters in my life.I can’t afford to.👉 They’re emotionally violent people.👉 They don’t just hurt you—they erode you.👉 They make you doubt your own mind.That’s the worst kind of abuse.The Moment I UnderstoodOne day, I realized something.A gaslighter doesn’t just want to win the argument.They want to win control over reality itself.They want the power to tell you what happened—to dictate your thoughts, your memories, your emotions.You’re not allowed to be a person.No.You’re their object.And they will tell you how things are.It’s dehumanizing.It’s psychological warfare.And the only way to win is to walk away.The Price of Waking UpGetting divorced gave me a clarity like nothing else.I’d been blind.I missed 90% of what was going on in my own relationship.I was married to a stranger.Eight years, and I never really knew her.She kept her guard up the entire time. She never let me in.And I was too gaslit to see it.Now, I look back, and I see it all so clearly.People operate in layers.👉 The public persona.👉 The friend ...
    Show More Show Less
    9 mins
  • The Cost of Speaking Truth
    Jun 15 2025
    EDITOR’S NOTE: I’m an elite copywriter. Agora-trained. With a client roster that includes Tony Robbins, Ramit Sethi, and Neil Patel. If you would like to work with me to help you craft a powerful message, you can book a consultation here.Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,My words are lethal weapons. As a professional copywriter, I’ve persuaded millions with my words. I’ve spent over a decade studying the finest intricacies of persuasion. I’ve learned from some of the best communicators of our age. I’ve also read volumes about psychology and communication. All of that adds up to a pretty lethal skill set. Few people compare. Now and then, I forget about all the energy I’ve put into being a great communicator. And on a few rare occasions, I’ve deeply hurt people with the weight of my words. Some were traumatized, either intentionally or not, on my part.I feel responsible for tempering some of the advice I’ve given you here in this book — to contextualize it further so you don’t hurt people you love. I want to remind you that I filter the world into two categories — safe people and unsafe people.I treat each category much differently.I don’t want to treat safe people like they’re unsafe. I’ll lose people I care about very quickly if I do that.But, in reality… I want unsafe people far away from me, so I don’t care that much how they receive me. With that said, I tend to temper my response to an unsafe person to how egregious I think that person is being. If I’m getting a threat of violence, for example, you will receive my full wrath, and I’m not going to feel sorry about it. If you are actively belittling me… perhaps I’ll tone it down, but I’ll still be a little savage if the situation calls for it. Most of the time, it won’t.I grew up under very unusual circumstances that most people cannot relate to. So, you might find it difficult to accept why I am so steadfast about how I approach people. As I’ve said before, I paid a high price for these lessons. I purged a lot of people from my life. Some were my flesh and blood. I must come across as a little jaded. Maybe so. Perhaps it’s because, to this day, there are parts of my personality that still attract some toxic people to me. Usually, when they arrive, I can spot them and get rid of them, but still, there’s a sweet, sensitive side of me that attracts wolves predictably.One of the significant insights I’ve had recently concerns attraction. When I feel attracted to someone, I don’t take that as a sign that I should pursue them anymore. I first have to ask myself why. Why am I attracted to that person? I may very well be attracted to that person because of their negative traits, not despite them.I may like you BECAUSE you are avoidant, controlling, manipulative, and abusive. That’s what I know. That’s my default setting. That’s what’s familiar. So, I must be careful.But, in either case, I only reserve my hyper-assertive treatment for situations where I’m being devalued. And, even then, I may not go all out on a person.You may have noticed my brutally honest style and approach to my writing. This is something that developed over time. I believed in many lies growing up. I fell for ruses that complete idiots wouldn’t have fallen for. I kept the company of many pathological liars. After a while, I decided to go the opposite direction. I became a straight shooter. I was a Radical Honesty buff then, and I’ve only grown more in that direction. It’s very unsettling to some people. And it’s very comforting to others. Either way, it is a potent tool.Funny, I got bullied so much by so many people growing up that I became a bully’s worse nightmare — able and willing to give the brutal honesty that could f**k a person up in the light of day.I want to warn you to be cautious when following my advice. If people have been walking all over you for your whole life, it’s unlikely that you’re going to go for the nuclear option… but if you’re not aware, you might hurt yourself or someone else.Most people are afraid of the cold, hard truth. Some people can’t handle the truth. Too much of it all at once can mess with a person’s identity.That said, be careful and discerning. If you have been paying attention, I’ve shown you the best skill sets for each end of the spectrum. I’ve also shown you how to use boundaries even in toxic situations. But I’ve also talked about how to be a great listener and empathizer. One skill set lends itself more to safe people, while the other will be more useful when dealing with unsafe people.The post on listening will help you dramatically enhance the good vibes among your core group. And, 9 times out of 10, you won’t have to use things like silence to assert yourself. Understand that with the people I love and care about, there are lines that I would never cross, and I’m very clear about that. But, simultaneously, the world is filled with ...
    Show More Show Less
    11 mins
  • When to Cut People Out of Your Life
    Jun 15 2025
    EDITOR’S NOTE: Please consider supporting the new Permission to be Powerful print magazine here. Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,This is your permission slip.To block, unfollow, delete, walk away, ghost, vanish…Whatever you need to do. You do not need to explain. You do not need to justify. You only need to protect your peace.Let me start with a story.There’s this girl. She’s well-liked in the dance scene. Sweet reputation, soft face, poised demeanor.But the one time I danced with her? It felt like punishment.She was cold. Distant. Hostile even. I didn’t know what I had done—only that I was being made to feel like something dirty. Like I’d stepped into her space without permission, and now I was being silently shamed for existing.That was a year ago.And I’ve thought about that dance a lot since. I remember the shame I felt—this quiet, internal scramble of “What did I do wrong?”But looking back now, the better question is: Why the f**k did I accept that treatment for three whole minutes?Let me be clear:The dance floor is sacred. You don’t bring that kind of venom to a space meant for joy. You don’t get to humiliate someone in silence and think that’s okay. You don’t get to dehumanize me and stay on my friend list.So I removed her. Not out of pettiness. Out of self-respect.And I’ve made it a policy since:If you ignore my message, you're gone.If you talk down to me, you're gone.If you guilt, gaslight, manipulate—you’re gone.I do not keep people who devalue me.It doesn’t matter if you're cute. Or “nice.” Or connected. It doesn’t matter if you’re family.I’ve spent too much of my life being treated like I was invisible. Not anymore.I used to struggle with guilt. That was my kryptonite. I’d let people walk all over me if they could just make me feel bad about saying no. I had to meet my “final boss” just to get free. It was psychological warfare.But it also woke me up.Now? You disrespect me once, I step back. You violate my boundaries, you get downgraded.Phone calls become texts.Texts become email.Email becomes nothing.You earn access to my energy, and once you show me you can’t hold it with care, I take it back.I don’t do appeasement anymore.I don’t do nice guy.I don’t sacrifice myself to keep the peace.You don’t get to treat me like I don’t matter and still stay in my life.This is not cruelty. This is clarity.Your mind is a vessel. You can train it like an athlete. Get clear on your values. On what you will and will not tolerate. And then enforce those boundaries like your life depends on it.Because it does.You think people change. That they might. That they should. That if you just say the right thing, or hold out long enough…They’ll finally hear you.They won’t.Change isn’t something you can demand. People don’t grow — they calcify. They don’t evolve — they fossilize. And if they were unkind? Unreliable? Self-absorbed? Give them 10 years and they’ll be even more so.I used to wait around, hoping certain people in my life would evolve. I thought if I gave enough chances, explained it the right way, stayed calm, held on a little longer — they’d wake up and realize how badly they were hurting me. Instead, I stayed in relationships years past their expiration date. I held on to dead weight and called it loyalty.But here’s the truth:You don’t stick around waiting for people to change. You walk away when they don’t.The alternative? You get eaten alive.Let’s say someone in your life always crosses a line — some comment, some behavior, some habit that grinds you down every time. And you think, “Next time I’ll speak up. Next time they’ll change.”But when you finally do say something, they double down. Or deny it. Or blame you.That’s the moment you realize: It was never going to change.And the sickest part? You feel ashamed for hoping. For being naive enough to believe they were capable of growth.Don’t waste your life on that kind of disappointment.If you find out that your husband is cheating on you. He won’t change.Stop hoping for that, he abandoned you a long time ago.You’re caught up with what’ll he think, and what’ll she think…And what will my parents think.But if you knew dead to rights they would never change…What now? How does that change the calculus?For me, it broke the spell that kept me enmeshed with toxic people. You’re my family, but you don’t own me.You don’t just get to keep taking up space in my life if you insist on being a low-life.People out here claiming to love you…Yet they show you the same compassion as a thug in a dark alley?WTF is that all about?There’s such a thing as being surrounded by the wrong people. Every single person in your life could be draining you. That’s rare — but it happens. It happened to me.And I’ll tell you something I wish someone told me sooner:The alternative to being treated like dirt isn’t loneliness. It’s peace.I’ve ...
    Show More Show Less
    10 mins
  • How Tyrants Quietly Control You
    Jun 15 2025
    EDITOR’S NOTE: I’m going off the grid this week to meditate. But I’ve still lined up some great posts for you.Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,There’s something telling—haunting—about what happens when cruelty enters a room……and no one says a thing.Someone makes a cutting remark.Someone gets humiliated, again.Someone bullies, criticizes, disrespects.And the room? Dead silent.No one speaks.No one intervenes.No one even breathes.And that—right there—is the reveal.Because silence isn't neutral.It’s not passive.It’s not peace.It’s complicity.At some point, I realized something brutal:I had learned to associate pain with love.Somewhere early on, the people who said they loved me were also the ones who hurt me the most.So my nervous system got confused.Love wasn’t safety.Love was walking on eggshells.Love was bracing for the next emotional slap—then convincing myself it was my fault.So later in life…* When someone cut me down in public?It felt familiar.* When I couldn’t speak up or defend myself?That was normal.* When I sat in rooms full of people who claimed to “care,” but let someone humiliate me?I stayed. Because that’s what love was, right?And that’s the part that stings the most.I didn’t know how to leave because I didn’t know I was allowed to.I thought love meant enduring pain in silence.I thought speaking up would make me lose people.I thought protecting myself was selfish.But that’s not love. That’s trauma wearing a mask.This week, I was this close to blocking her on Facebook.Not out of pettiness. Not to make a scene.But because I’ve had enough.I’m not interested in staying connected to people who chip away at me,then expect to keep a front-row seat to my life.But here’s the thing:Once I block you, you’re not getting unblocked.I don’t do dramatic exits.I don’t block and unblock like it’s a game.When I close the door, it stays closed.Because for me, that’s sacred.Not out of hate—but out of self-respect.Blocking someone, for me, isn’t revenge.It’s the final ritual. The moment I say,“I choose peace over proof.I choose my future over your pattern.”I haven’t pulled the trigger yet.But the part of me that’s been too forgiving for too long?He’s running the show now.When the Room Goes Quiet, Here's What It's Really Saying:1. “We All Feel It—But No One Will Say It.”The cruelty is never subtle. You felt it. Others do too.But they won’t name it.They don't want to be the next target.They've rationalized it—“That’s just how she is.”But deep down, everyone knows.So they look away.Laugh nervously.Nod and play along.The cost?Truth. Integrity. Safety. All traded for comfort.2. The Bully Has Power—and Everyone Pretends Not to See It.Maybe it's a teacher.An “expert.”Someone with confidence, clout, or charisma.They dominate the emotional space.They’ve trained the room to defer to them.And in that vacuum of accountability, they get bolder. Meaner.And the more cruel they become, the more the group protects them with silence.3. The Group Is Frozen.What you're witnessing isn’t just cowardice—it’s trauma.People aren’t just staying quiet. They’re fawning.They’ve accepted that this is the cost of belonging.So the room falls into this emotional paralysis:Frozen faces. Shallow breathing. No eye contact.Everyone pretending not to notice the elephant smashing the furniture.And here's the part that gutted me most:I had to leave the room to realize the room was broken.I didn’t raise my voice.Didn’t flip tables.Didn’t need to.I just stopped going.Stopped showing up to get picked apart.Stopped trying to earn love from people who made me bleed for it.That quiet boundary was my moment of clarity.Because the moment I stepped out… I saw it for what it really was:A cult of silence.If You’re Reading This and Feeling It…Here’s what I want to say to you:* You're not crazy. You saw it. You felt it. It was real.* You don’t need a public fight to reclaim your power. A quiet exit is sometimes the loudest rebellion.* Walking away is not failure. It’s self-recognition.It’s saying: I will not contort myself to fit into broken spaces.And you know what?I’m done.Done chasing love in rooms where I have to shrink to be accepted.Done swallowing my voice to protect someone else's illusion of power.Peace that requires silence in the face of cruelty is not peace.It’s performance.And I’m done performing.I don’t need that room.Never did.Until next time,Dancer, Writer, BuddhistP.S.: Check out some free indie author titles here.Permission to be Powerful is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.antonvolney.com/subscribe
    Show More Show Less
    5 mins