Welcome to another episode of MenPlus40, where host Danny McMillan converses with special guest Izabela Hamilton. This episode delves into the complexities of male-female dynamics, a topic often oversimplified in many discussions. Unlike typical narratives, this episode promises a nuanced exploration, considering various perspectives to enhance understanding and communication in relationships.

The conversation kicks off with a fundamental question: What does it mean when a woman asserts, "I do not settle?" Izabela, with her blend of humour and insight, deciphers this statement as a reflection of a woman's self-respect and desire for a partner who matches her personal and professional growth.

Discussing evolutionary psychology, Danny highlights the tendency of women to seek partners who are financially stable, which is often misinterpreted. Instead, it's about finding a balance and mutual respect, avoiding the pitfalls of settling for less and the impact of the man they settle for.

Izabela defines a masculine man as someone who exudes confidence without arrogance, balancing assertiveness with empathy and respect. This ideal goes beyond physical strength to include emotional intelligence and the ability to provide safety and security. Similarly, when women speak of seeking connection, they yearn for more than just physical attraction. It's about emotional, intellectual, and bonds that grow over time.

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around communication. Danny and Izabela stress the importance of understanding and respecting each other's needs. Men and women often have different priorities and ways of expressing themselves, which can lead to misinterpretations and conflicts if not handled with empathy and openness.

For instance, the concept of vulnerability in men is often misunderstood. Being vulnerable doesn't equate to weakness; rather, it's about being open and honest with one's partner, sharing both strengths and vulnerabilities.

The conversation also touches on physical attraction, where both Danny and Izabela agree that self-care and fitness play a crucial role in attractiveness. It's not about having a perfect body but showing discipline and respect for oneself, which is inherently appealing.

Appreciation and respect are underscored as critical elements in a relationship. Men, often not vocal about their need for appreciation and respect from their partners. This, in turn, fosters a positive cycle of mutual respect and love and the female partner in return gets quality attention and care.

This episode of MenPlus40 offers a comprehensive view of male-female dynamics, emphasising the importance of understanding, communication, respect, and appreciation in relationships. As Danny and Izabela conclude, each relationship is unique, and its success hinges on the partners' ability to navigate these aspects with empathy and openness.

### Introduction

- **Host**: Danny McMillan

- **Guest**: Elise Micheals, men's mental health coach

- **Overview**: Discussing the impact and management of toxic shame in men's mental health.

### Elise Micheals - Rise to Prominence

- **Social Media Insights**: Elise's knack for condensing complex mental health topics into short, impactful social media clips.

- **Understanding Her Message**: Elise’s appreciation for being able to refine her message through social media platforms.

### Journey to Men's Mental Health Coaching

- **Initial Focus**: Elise started as a women's coach.

- **Shift**: Found herself increasingly approached by men, leading her to refocus her coaching.

### The Elephant in the Room - Toxic Shame

- **Definition**: Differentiating toxic shame from healthy shame.

- **Impact on Men**: Elise explains how toxic shame manifests uniquely for men due to societal expectations.

### Understanding Shame

- **Healthy vs. Toxic**: Discussion on how healthy shame can motivate improvement, while toxic shame leads to self-destructive behavior.

- **Emotional Intelligence**: Importance of understanding emotional triggers.

### Society's Role in Toxic Shame

- **Suppression of Emotion**: Elise speaks on societal norms that expect men to be stoic.

- **Importance of Emotional Literacy**: Danny stresses that understanding emotions is critical even in masculine settings.

### The Critical Role of Emotional Literacy

- **Triggers and Outcomes**: How understanding your emotional triggers can mean the difference between a healthy life and self-imposed emotional imprisonment.

- **Elise's Agreement**: Emotional intelligence as a cornerstone of personal growth.

### Insights from Both Speakers

- **Anger as a Mask**: Anger often hides other emotions men find difficult to express.

- **Childhood Influences**: Unconscious emotional norms established in early life can carry into adulthood.

### The Nuances of Shame

- **Background Dependent**: The impact of shame can differ depending on upbringing and environment.

- **Attachment Styles**: How childhood experiences can influence shame and emotional reactions in adulthood.

### Overcoming Emotional Barriers

- **Strategies for Men**: Viewing help-seeking as an aspect of growth rather than weakness.

- **Coaching Comfort**: The established comfort men have with coaches should extend to mental health counseling.

### Shame and Destructive Behaviors

- **The Underlying Issue**: Toxic shame is often the core issue in destructive behaviors like addictions.

- **Self-Compassion**: The need to identify and treat the root causes of shame.

### Societal Dynamics and Changing Norms

- **Women's Role**: How women can provide safe emotional spaces for men.

- **Potential Backfires**: The risks men see in opening up emotionally.

### Victim Mentality vs. Genuine Help-Seeking

- **Striking a Balance**: The need to differentiate between genuine calls for help and a self-imposed victim mentality.

### Wrapping Up

- **Final Thoughts**: Acknowledging that today’s world lacks the dangers of ancient times, emphasizing the importance of dealing with modern-day emotional challenges.

- **Elise's Last Words**: The significance of setting healthy boundaries and nurturing emotional growth for both genders.

### Contact Information

Follow Elise Below…

Follow 👉 @elisemicheals_

Coaching

👉https://www.elisemicheals.com/privatecoaching

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDawC6TVRpTdvvIwXj3fg_g

How Social Media Keeps You Sick.

## Summary:

In this episode, we discuss the role social media plays in shaping the emotional and mental states of men after experiencing a significant betrayal. The conversation touches on both the comforting and detrimental aspects of social media, particularly focusing on platforms like TikTok. We aim to help men identify healthier coping mechanisms for heartbreak and betrayal while challenging their reliance on social media content that may hinder the healing process.

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## Topics Covered:

- The power of social media in modern life

- Emotional resilience among men

- The role of algorithms in shaping our emotional state

- Confirmation bias and echo chambers

- Perceived Universality of Experiences

- Reflection exercises for self-awareness

## Episode Highlights:

### Introduction

- A look at how social media acts as both a connector and a disruptor in people's lives, especially following a betrayal.

### Emotional Resilience Among Men

- The varying emotional responses men can have to betrayal.

- How internal conflicts shape coping mechanisms.

### Social Media & Content Consumption

- The algorithms behind TikTok and other platforms that can both soothe and entrench emotional states.

- The risk of confirmation bias in the social media echo chambers.

### Perceived Universality of Experiences

- How content can distort men's perception of the universality of their experiences.

- The pitfalls of this distortion in forming future relationships.

### Reflection Exercises

- Questions to help identify weaknesses and habits in relationships.

- Why self-awareness is key to breaking the cycle.

### Ownership & Healing

- The importance of self-forgiveness and letting go of resentment.

- How living your best life is the ultimate form of 'revenge.'

- If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review on [Apple Podcasts](https://www.apple.com/apple-podcasts/), [Spotify](https://www.spotify.com/), or your preferred podcast platform.

- Share this episode with friends who may be going through similar struggles.

Until next time, stay safe, gentlemen.

Boundaries, Preferences, Ultimatums and Insecurities

## Summary

In today's episode, we delve into the complex and sensitive topics of setting boundaries, establishing preferences, issuing ultimatums, and dealing with insecurities in relationships. Through a hypothetical example, we explore how these elements interact and affect both men and women.

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## Key Points

### Scenario Overview

- A man starts dating a woman who posts racey images online.

- Initially, it doesn't bother him, but as he grows emotionally attached, he becomes uncomfortable.

- When the woman suggests taking the relationship to a serious level, the man raises his "boundaries" about her online images.

### Boundary vs. Preference

- **Boundary**: About asserting one's limits and values without trying to control others.

- **Preference**: An expression of desire for a partner who shares similar values but should not be used to manipulate or control.

### Ultimatums & Insecurities

- The man's request for the woman to take down her images is more of an insecurity-driven ultimatum than a boundary or preference.

- Ultimatums can be controlling and put unfair pressure on the other person.

### Open Communication in Relationships

- For a healthy relationship, it's crucial to have open communication, mutual respect, and autonomy for both partners.

### Be Upfront About Boundaries & Preferences

- Both men and women should be upfront about their boundaries and preferences to avoid future conflicts.

### Potential Pitfalls

- The scenario highlights how not being upfront can lead to feeling "strung along" or experiencing a "bait and switch," jeopardising the prospects of a long-term relationship.

---

## Takeaways

- Boundaries and preferences are healthy but should not be wielded as leverage.

- Understanding the boundaries you set for yourself is different from what you impose on others.

- The best solution for dealing with boundaries and preferences is prevention. It's better to opt-out at the beginning rather than face complications down the road.

Gentlemen, until next time, stay safe!

### Introduction

- Welcome back to MenPlus40! We continue our discussion on PTSD and CPTSD, focusing on their unique manifestations in men's lives.

- In today’s episode, we explore how CPTSD impacts relationships, the relationship between depression and CPTSD, and how these conditions surface during and post-divorce.

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### Key Topics

#### 1. CPTSD in Relationships

- **Fear of Abandonment**: The role of emotional distancing or isolation in triggering a profound fear of rejection.

- **Emotional Recollections**: How a partner's tone, actions, or facial expressions can trigger past traumas.

- **Trust Challenges**: The impact of early betrayals and their contribution to trust issues in adult relationships.

- **Co-Dependency**: How CPTSD can lead to an extreme reliance on partners for emotional support and validation.

- **Abuse Patterns**: The propensity to enter toxic partnerships due to childhood experiences.

---

#### 2. Depression vs. CPTSD

- **Emotional Instability**: Commonality and differences between CPTSD and depression.

- **Flashbacks vs. Persistent Negative Thoughts**: How each condition manifests differently in emotional experiences.

- **Relationship Troubles**: The origins and impacts of attachment issues, mistrust, and self-worth in relationships.

- **Trauma Triggers vs. General Symptoms**: How responses are triggered in CPTSD vs. depression.

- **Self-Identity and Self-Image**: The contrasting effects on self-perception.

---

#### 3. CPTSD and Divorce

- **Emotional Isolation**: The tendency to withdraw emotionally post-divorce due to past traumas.

- **Trust Challenges**: How divorce can further erode trust and lead to difficulties in forming new relationships.

- **Hyper-awareness and Emotional Reactivity**: The heightened emotional reactivity displayed by traumatised men post-divorce.

- **Disturbed Attachment Patterns**: The lasting impact of childhood trauma on romantic engagements.

- **Intimacy and Communication Obstacles**: Challenges in expressing emotional needs and clear communication.

---

### Upcoming Episode Teaser

- Next episode will cover self-soothing techniques and the impact of algorithmic bias in the content you consume, such as shows focusing on body count, red flags, and distorted perspectives of evolutionary psychology.

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### Closing Thoughts

- "Pain illuminates the problem, but it does not reveal the solution."

- Until next time, stay safe!

## Introduction

- **Overview:** Discussing how PTSD and CPTSD manifest in men

- **Alarming Reality:** Many men may be silently battling these conditions, especially in the gym

## The Illusion of Tranquility in the Gym

- **Gym as a Coping Mechanism:** Using exercise to find a momentary emotional high

- **Temporary Relief:** Once the endorphins fade, reality sets in and the cycle continues

## What are PTSD and CPTSD?

### PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

- **Definition**: A mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event

- **Examples of PTSD Manifestation**

  - War veterans with recurring nightmares, flashbacks, and heightened anxiety

  - Witnesses of violent crimes who struggle with insomnia and irritability

  - Children who have experienced abuse and show behavioral changes like aggression and withdrawal

### CPTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

- **Definition**: A more complex form of PTSD, usually resulting from extended or multiple traumatic experiences

- **Additional Symptoms**: Includes issues with emotional regulation, self-perception, and interpersonal difficulties

- **Examples of CPTSD Manifestation**

  - Chronic childhood abuse and neglect victims who also feel shame and self-blame

  - Long-term domestic violence survivors with dissociation and self-destructive behaviors

  - Individuals with multiple traumatic experiences who also have a chronic sense of worthlessness

## Diagnosis and Treatment

- **Seek Professional Help**: Both PTSD and CPTSD require professional evaluation for diagnosis and appropriate treatment plans

- **Universal Impact**: These conditions can affect anyone, irrespective of social, economic, or relational circumstances

## Quick Self-Assessment for CPTSD

1. Have you endured repeated or prolonged traumatic events?

2. Do you often experience emotional reactions or mood swings without an obvious reason?

3. Do you feel emotionally numb or detached?

4. Do you struggle to build trust, form close relationships, or fear abandonment?

5. Are you tormented by recurring memories, nightmares, or flashbacks?

*Note*: This self-assessment is not a substitute for a professional diagnosis.

## Conclusion and Takeaway

- **The Limitations of the Gym**: Though beneficial for physical and some aspects of mental health, the gym cannot fully address underlying traumas or mental health disorders

- **Rejecting the "Badge of Honour" Narrative**: Carrying the burden of untreated mental health conditions is not honorable but harmful

- **The Ultimate Goal**: Beyond physical strength, finding peace within yourself is the true victory

## Closing Remarks

- **Next Steps**: Commit to professional mental health treatment and give yourself the chance to find true peace

- **Final Note**: Taking care of your mental health is priceless. Stay safe until the next episode.

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Thank you for joining us on this important episode. Your mental health matters. Until next time, this is Danny McMillan signing off from MenPlus40.

Welcome back to Plus 40! In this episode, we dive into the key questions to ask before getting married. After 22 years of marriage, our host shares his invaluable insights, reminding you that a successful marriage takes hard work, sacrifice, and commitment.

The conversation takes a deep dive into why you want to get married, whether you plan on having children, and what your expectations are from your partner. He addresses the harsh reality of divorce statistics and advises a minimum wait of four years before tying the knot. This span allows you to truly know your partner and understand their habits, strengths, weaknesses, and most importantly, their authenticity.

The journey of love can be a euphoric one but it can also be destructive if not handled with care. Picking the right partner is one of the most significant decisions you'll ever make and we're here to guide you through it. Remember, love is indeed a powerful drug, but in the right hands, it can lead to a beautiful journey.

Tune in and ensure you're asking the right questions before saying 'I do'.

Until next time.