Welcome to another episode of MenPlus40, where host Danny McMillan converses with special guest Izabela Hamilton. This episode delves into the complexities of male-female dynamics, a topic often oversimplified in many discussions. Unlike typical narratives, this episode promises a nuanced exploration, considering various perspectives to enhance understanding and communication in relationships.

The conversation kicks off with a fundamental question: What does it mean when a woman asserts, "I do not settle?" Izabela, with her blend of humour and insight, deciphers this statement as a reflection of a woman's self-respect and desire for a partner who matches her personal and professional growth.

Discussing evolutionary psychology, Danny highlights the tendency of women to seek partners who are financially stable, which is often misinterpreted. Instead, it's about finding a balance and mutual respect, avoiding the pitfalls of settling for less and the impact of the man they settle for.

Izabela defines a masculine man as someone who exudes confidence without arrogance, balancing assertiveness with empathy and respect. This ideal goes beyond physical strength to include emotional intelligence and the ability to provide safety and security. Similarly, when women speak of seeking connection, they yearn for more than just physical attraction. It's about emotional, intellectual, and bonds that grow over time.

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around communication. Danny and Izabela stress the importance of understanding and respecting each other's needs. Men and women often have different priorities and ways of expressing themselves, which can lead to misinterpretations and conflicts if not handled with empathy and openness.

For instance, the concept of vulnerability in men is often misunderstood. Being vulnerable doesn't equate to weakness; rather, it's about being open and honest with one's partner, sharing both strengths and vulnerabilities.

The conversation also touches on physical attraction, where both Danny and Izabela agree that self-care and fitness play a crucial role in attractiveness. It's not about having a perfect body but showing discipline and respect for oneself, which is inherently appealing.

Appreciation and respect are underscored as critical elements in a relationship. Men, often not vocal about their need for appreciation and respect from their partners. This, in turn, fosters a positive cycle of mutual respect and love and the female partner in return gets quality attention and care.

This episode of MenPlus40 offers a comprehensive view of male-female dynamics, emphasising the importance of understanding, communication, respect, and appreciation in relationships. As Danny and Izabela conclude, each relationship is unique, and its success hinges on the partners' ability to navigate these aspects with empathy and openness.

### Introduction

- **Host**: Danny McMillan

- **Guest**: Elise Micheals, men's mental health coach

- **Overview**: Discussing the impact and management of toxic shame in men's mental health.

### Elise Micheals - Rise to Prominence

- **Social Media Insights**: Elise's knack for condensing complex mental health topics into short, impactful social media clips.

- **Understanding Her Message**: Elise’s appreciation for being able to refine her message through social media platforms.

### Journey to Men's Mental Health Coaching

- **Initial Focus**: Elise started as a women's coach.

- **Shift**: Found herself increasingly approached by men, leading her to refocus her coaching.

### The Elephant in the Room - Toxic Shame

- **Definition**: Differentiating toxic shame from healthy shame.

- **Impact on Men**: Elise explains how toxic shame manifests uniquely for men due to societal expectations.

### Understanding Shame

- **Healthy vs. Toxic**: Discussion on how healthy shame can motivate improvement, while toxic shame leads to self-destructive behavior.

- **Emotional Intelligence**: Importance of understanding emotional triggers.

### Society's Role in Toxic Shame

- **Suppression of Emotion**: Elise speaks on societal norms that expect men to be stoic.

- **Importance of Emotional Literacy**: Danny stresses that understanding emotions is critical even in masculine settings.

### The Critical Role of Emotional Literacy

- **Triggers and Outcomes**: How understanding your emotional triggers can mean the difference between a healthy life and self-imposed emotional imprisonment.

- **Elise's Agreement**: Emotional intelligence as a cornerstone of personal growth.

### Insights from Both Speakers

- **Anger as a Mask**: Anger often hides other emotions men find difficult to express.

- **Childhood Influences**: Unconscious emotional norms established in early life can carry into adulthood.

### The Nuances of Shame

- **Background Dependent**: The impact of shame can differ depending on upbringing and environment.

- **Attachment Styles**: How childhood experiences can influence shame and emotional reactions in adulthood.

### Overcoming Emotional Barriers

- **Strategies for Men**: Viewing help-seeking as an aspect of growth rather than weakness.

- **Coaching Comfort**: The established comfort men have with coaches should extend to mental health counseling.

### Shame and Destructive Behaviors

- **The Underlying Issue**: Toxic shame is often the core issue in destructive behaviors like addictions.

- **Self-Compassion**: The need to identify and treat the root causes of shame.

### Societal Dynamics and Changing Norms

- **Women's Role**: How women can provide safe emotional spaces for men.

- **Potential Backfires**: The risks men see in opening up emotionally.

### Victim Mentality vs. Genuine Help-Seeking

- **Striking a Balance**: The need to differentiate between genuine calls for help and a self-imposed victim mentality.

### Wrapping Up

- **Final Thoughts**: Acknowledging that today’s world lacks the dangers of ancient times, emphasizing the importance of dealing with modern-day emotional challenges.

- **Elise's Last Words**: The significance of setting healthy boundaries and nurturing emotional growth for both genders.

### Contact Information

Follow Elise Below…

Follow 👉 @elisemicheals_

Coaching

👉https://www.elisemicheals.com/privatecoaching

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDawC6TVRpTdvvIwXj3fg_g

How Social Media Keeps You Sick.

## Summary:

In this episode, we discuss the role social media plays in shaping the emotional and mental states of men after experiencing a significant betrayal. The conversation touches on both the comforting and detrimental aspects of social media, particularly focusing on platforms like TikTok. We aim to help men identify healthier coping mechanisms for heartbreak and betrayal while challenging their reliance on social media content that may hinder the healing process.

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## Topics Covered:

- The power of social media in modern life

- Emotional resilience among men

- The role of algorithms in shaping our emotional state

- Confirmation bias and echo chambers

- Perceived Universality of Experiences

- Reflection exercises for self-awareness

## Episode Highlights:

### Introduction

- A look at how social media acts as both a connector and a disruptor in people's lives, especially following a betrayal.

### Emotional Resilience Among Men

- The varying emotional responses men can have to betrayal.

- How internal conflicts shape coping mechanisms.

### Social Media & Content Consumption

- The algorithms behind TikTok and other platforms that can both soothe and entrench emotional states.

- The risk of confirmation bias in the social media echo chambers.

### Perceived Universality of Experiences

- How content can distort men's perception of the universality of their experiences.

- The pitfalls of this distortion in forming future relationships.

### Reflection Exercises

- Questions to help identify weaknesses and habits in relationships.

- Why self-awareness is key to breaking the cycle.

### Ownership & Healing

- The importance of self-forgiveness and letting go of resentment.

- How living your best life is the ultimate form of 'revenge.'

- If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review on [Apple Podcasts](https://www.apple.com/apple-podcasts/), [Spotify](https://www.spotify.com/), or your preferred podcast platform.

- Share this episode with friends who may be going through similar struggles.

Until next time, stay safe, gentlemen.