Welcome to SPECTRE etc. This is the James Bond podcast where we discuss the ins and the outs of each film. In this episode, we catch MacGuffin Mania to get back our ATAC! Join us for this Winter Games extravaganza, as we watch James Bond do stunts that are clearly beyond Roger Moore in “For Your Eyes Only”.
* We open with Please-Don’t-Call-Me-Blofeld hijacking a helicopter carrying Bond! This bald villain offers a brand new delicatessen, but Bond is looking forward to a SPECTRE-free future.
* Bond takes the morning train into Sheena Easton’s sleepy song, before being briefed on this film’s macguffin - the ATAC. Meanwhile, Melina's parents are immediately slaughtered right in front of her.
* A quintessential 1980s pool party brings Bond to Spain. He is captured, but Melina gatecrashes the party with her crossbow.
* An explosive anti-theft device forces Bond and Melina into the Definitely-A-Bond-Car Citroen. Once Bond has criticised her driving, they escape. Bond hypocritically warns Melina against seeking revenge.
* Bond and Q use the Identigraph to lock sights on Locke. This information sends Bond to Italy. Kristatos tells Bond not to trust Columbo - but because Kristatos thinks Bond should chaperone Bibi, we know not to trust Kristatos.
* Bond gets a taste of the other side of sexual harassment when Bibi tries to seduce him. Thankfully for all, Uncle James offers to buy her an ice-cream instead.
* Biathletic Eric gives Bibi the stinkeye before a ski chase through a chalet and down a bobsled track. Then, an unnecessary scene at the ice hockey rink completes the Winter Games tour.
* The plot grinds to a halt as Bond and Melina walk us through some of Greece’s cultural heritage. The action kicks back in when Bond beds Contessa Brosnan.
* Columbo brings Bond onside by poking fun at his physique, and these new partners head off to detonate the warehouse where Kristatos keeps his big spherical balls. A taste of raw opium means Bond can zoom up a flight of stairs at superhuman speed and kick Locke’s car off a cliff.
* Bond and Melina meet underwater, then head for the shipwreck to retrieve the ATAC. In a clamp-heavy scene, Bond has to fight for freedom from a few foes. Kristatos captures and then keel-hauls the couple across the coral, until Bond cuts the cable.
* Bond is an unbelievably impressive rock-climber for such an old man, so he is able to sneak up to the mountaintop monastery where Kristatos is waiting to meet Russian M. Bond ignores the main villain and instead has his big showdown with a henchman. Thankfully, Columbo is able to kill Kristatos, saving Melina from the satisfying resolution of avenging her parents’ murder.
* Bond throws the ATAC off the cliff, then chooses skinny-dipping over taking a call from the Prime Minister.
Official SPECTRE etc Theory (OffSeT) #12: Bond is aroused by insulting female drivers. We first saw this when Jaws was tearing the car apart, but Bond was having so much fun insulting Anya’s driving that he was unable to offer any sort of assistance. In this film, Bond is so desperate to make fun of Melina that he risks being captured just to force the car into a non-consensual collision! Put it away James, there is a mission to focus on!
Worst Impersonation Trophy: Col has a series of impressive vocal impersonations in this episode. He cleverly and accurately mimics men, women, even parrots! Col even plays both characters in a single scene at one stage. But there is one impersonation that Col just can’t pull off. In an attempt to appear in-step with our younger listeners, Col pretends he watches Game of Thrones. His ruse is undone by a fairly innocuous follow-up question, so for this pretence of trendiness we award Col this episode’s WIT.
And of course, keep checking back for a link to our petition to have Max the Parrot replace JW Pepper as Bond’s best-known sidekick!
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