In this heart-to-heart conversation, I sat down with Heidi Freeman, successful attorney and author of "Love Lessons: 104 Dates and the Stories That Led Me to True Love." Heidi shares how turning 40 sparked her quest to understand what true love looks like by interviewing couples in strong relationships. What began as research turned into 11 core themes about authentic connection. With refreshing honesty, Heidi opens up about her 104-date journey, complete with hilarious mishaps, surprising insights, and the beautiful moment when she finally met her husband Will.

This episode cuts through the anxiety about modern dating to remind us that love requires resilience - and is worth 100 disappointing dates.

Key Moments

• Turning 40: Heidi realized she didn't know what true love looked like or felt like and decided to interview couples in solid partnerships
• Research: Heidi interviewed 50+ couples separately to find themes
• Mutual reciprocity: The most impactful insight was how partners take turns supporting each other through life's waves
• The myth of love at first sight: No one Heidi interviewed mentioned this - instead they talked about initial connection and safety
• D04 dates: Heidi shares both hilarious dating disasters and meaningful lessons learned
• Finding Will: How she met her husband through yoga connections and recognized the difference in how she felt
• Dating in the wild vs. apps: The benefits of meeting people through activities vs. online

Quotes

"I had to put on my big girl underwear and go back out there." - Heidi on persevering after dating disappointments

"I think it's not us. This is the way we are socialized...to value relationships, which is awesome. But then we're also socialized to put our own personal value in relationships, and that's what's harmful." - Sade Curry

"Mutual reciprocity and safety... even if you didn't have all the other sprinkles in a relationship, but you had these, you could make a good relationship out of that." - Sade Curry

"What if the next date is him? I would constantly say that to myself when I didn't want to go." - Heidi on staying hopeful

About Heidi:

Heidi Freeman (formerly Goldstein, born Eisman) is a successful attorney and partner at a large law firm specializing in environmental law and social and environmental governance-based counseling. She's written her first book, "Love Lessons," chronicling her dating journey and the relationship insights she gained. Heidi has previously written for Bloomberg Law, 360, and other professional publications. She lives in Cleveland Heights, Ohio with her husband Will and their blended family - two children of her own and two bonus children with Will.

Connect With Heidi

• https://heidifriedman.com
• http://www.instagram.com/lovelessons104
• Podcast: "I Love You More" with her 22-year-old son Zach (available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts)
• Book: "Love Lessons: 104 Dates and the Stories That Led Me to True Love" (Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Goodreads)

Ready to Transform Your Dating Life?

If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to help you apply these insights to your own dating journey. Book a complimentary dating consultation call with me at sadecurry.com/info and discover how you can build the confidence, clarity, and connection skills to find your perfect match.

In this episode, I dive into why asking questions is both an art and a crucial skill on your dating journey after divorce. Most women I work with struggle not because they lack intelligence or communication skills, but because the drama attached to dating turns question-asking into self-sabotage.

You might think asking questions is straightforward, but are you using them to protect yourself or to people-please? Both approaches block authentic connection and prevent you from gathering the information you need to make wise decisions about potential partners.

Key Insights

• Curiosity is your superpower: Approach dating with curiosity—not just about your date but about yourself. Your reactions hold valuable information about your patterns.
• The protection trap: Going into dates with a rigid checklist of questions turns dating into an interview. You miss crucial nuance and context when you're focused on checking boxes rather than truly connecting.
• The people-pleasing pitfall: When you avoid asking important questions because "you don't want to be nosy" or "you don't want to chase him away," you sacrifice your needs for a stranger's comfort.
• Reclaim your authority: Dating involves meeting a stranger, knowing them for months, and potentially committing to them for life. This requires active participation, not passive acceptance.
• Your dating rights: You have the right to know about people who want access to you. You deserve to have potential partners earn your trust through honesty and transparency.

Practical Takeaways

• Start with broader questions about lifestyle, career goals, and weekend activities before diving into deeper topics
• Design questions based on your core values rather than using generic lists
• Pay attention to how someone responds—defensiveness, vagueness, or dismissal tells you something important
• Recognize when you falter in asking important questions and get curious about what's happening within you
• Remember timing matters—questions should match the relationship phase you're in

Dating After Divorce Wisdom

Think about it: we've known our siblings, cousins, and best friends our whole lives. Yet romantic relationships expect us to meet someone, know them for months, and commit to them forever. That's wild! Since this is our collective social agreement, we need to approach it with intention and courage.

Your Next Step

If you don't know what questions to ask, that's a sign you need clarity on your core values and relationship vision. This isn't just about having a list of questions; it's about knowing which answers matter specifically to you.

Ready to transform your dating experience? Book a consultation call with me where we'll discuss how working through your core values and dating patterns can help you find clarity and confidence. Stop outsourcing your safety to a checklist and start leading your own journey to love.

Schedule your Dating Consultation Call with Sade

The Dating After Divorce Podcast with Sade Curry helps smart, accomplished women navigate dating with confidence after divorce. New episodes every Tuesday.

Work with Sade: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

Contact Dr. Toyin

Get the book: https://www.tfalandchi.com/authored-book

10 Minutes with TFal: https://www.tfalandchi.com/10mins-with-tmfal

Website: https://www.tfalandchi.com/

Shownotes:

In this episode of the Dating After Divorce podcast, Sade Curry interviews Dr. Toyin Falusi Nwafor, affectionately known as T-Fal, who shares her journey of writing her book 'The Decade After' and her experiences navigating life after divorce. Dr. T-Fal emphasizes the importance of self-care, support systems, and personal growth during the challenging process of divorce.

The conversation explores the unique experiences of divorced women, the impact of divorce on relationships, and the significance of how we use time in the healing process. Dr. T-Fal provides insights on how to empower oneself and support children through the transition, highlighting the need for understanding and compassion in the journey of healing.

In this conversation, Dr. Toyin discusses the complexities of divorce, emphasizing the importance of understanding statistics in relation to individual experiences. She highlights the critical role of parenting in mitigating the negative impacts of divorce on children and stresses the need for a supportive network during such transitions.

The discussion also touches on the challenges of navigating singleness and dating post-divorce, advocating for self-awareness and personal growth throughout the process. In this engaging conversation, Dr. Toyin and Sade Curry explore the complexities of dating and relationships after divorce. They discuss the importance of being honest with oneself about intentions in dating, the journey of reconnecting with past partners, and the significance of transparency in new relationships.

Dr. Toyin shares her personal experiences of navigating love and companionship after divorce, emphasizing the need for intentionality and self-discovery. The discussion culminates in reflections on the future and the possibilities that lie ahead, highlighting the importance of embracing change and growth.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Dr. Toyin Falusi Nwafor

02:37 The Journey of Writing 'The Decade After'

06:34 Navigating Divorce: Unique Experiences and Resources

11:50 The Impact of Divorce on Relationships

14:04 Time Heals: The Importance of How We Use It

19:15 Healing Beyond Divorce: Childhood and Personal Growth

22:58 Understanding Divorce Statistics and Individual Outcomes

27:04 The Role of Parenting in Divorce

32:39 Building a Support System During Divorce

44:32 Navigating Singleness and Dating After Divorce

45:53 Navigating Post-Divorce Relationships

49:09 Intentional Dating and Reconnection

52:59 The Journey to Remarriage

56:34 The Importance of Honesty and Transparency

01:00:14 Embracing Change and Future Possibilities

Keywords

divorce, healing, personal growth, co-parenting, self-care, relationships, support system, women's empowerment, emotional well-being, navigating divorce, divorce, parenting, support system, statistics, relationships, healing, self-care, single life, emotional health, co-parenting, divorce, remarriage, dating, relationships, honesty, transparency, self-discovery, intentionality, personal growth, empowerment

Masterclass - "Beyond the Spark: The 10 Elements of Chemistry & Attraction"

Register for live event or replay: sadecurry.com/masterclass

March 30, 2025 (4pm ET/3pm CT)

You will learn:
The science behind attraction patterns
How brain chemistry influences choices
Techniques to reduce attraction to toxic partners
Defining your needed level of attraction for sustainability

About the Episode:

Shift Your Attraction from Toxic Men to Safe, Healthy Men (Kim’s Story)
Before Kim worked with me on her business, she told her journey to love on the Dating after Divorce podcast (Episode 152)

After a toxic marriage, Kim had a revelation: "No one was coming to save me. If I wanted a different life, it was all on me"

At 35, living with her parents, Kim decided to date against her usual "type."
When her dog died, she approached her neighbors' son—a "good boy" completely unlike her typical "bad boys"—and invited him on walks.


The walks were uncomfortable because she felt unworthy next to someone without baggage or poor life choices.

But they fell in love, because Kim redefined attraction.

With previous relationships, she described feelings as "exciting" but chaotic.

Coming from a chaotic family, she had mistaken intensity for love.Her previous relationships were "exciting" but destructive.
With her current husband, attraction feels different: "It's a partnership. Very calm, not emotionally charged all the time"

Biologically, women are drawn to the strongest "buck"—evolutionarily sensible for survival instead of choosing based on companionship and values.

You might initially find this "boring."

But Kim questioned: What's boring about peace?

What's exciting about fighting over a parking space and being too angry to enjoy the concert?

Her most profound insight: "Part of why I dated bad boys was because I got to feel better about myself. At least I wasn't on drugs."

With her husband, she couldn't feel superior—and that's what made her uncomfortable.

In the end, Kim chose calm over chaos, partnership over drama, growth over stagnation. And it changed everything.

Kim's journey from toxic relationships to healthy love exemplifies the work I do with women.

If her story resonates, join my masterclass:
"Beyond the Spark: The 10 Elements of Chemistry & Attraction"

March 30, 2025 (4pm ET/3pm CT)

You will learn:
The science behind attraction patterns
How brain chemistry influences choices
Techniques to reduce attraction to toxic partners
Defining your needed level of attraction for sustainability

Register for live event or replay: sadecurry.com/masterclass

Client Success: How Ashley Went from a "Painful Divorce" to "Healed and In Love"

Work with Sade: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

Connect with Ashley: https://calendly.com/ashleykingcoaching/30min

Episode Summary

In this episode, Sade and Ashley King discuss Ashley's transformative journey after divorce, focusing on healing from trauma, recognizing readiness for dating, and navigating the challenges of finding love again. They explore the importance of core values, honesty in dating, and the significance of self-discovery in building healthy relationships. Ashley shares her experiences with various dating apps, her connection with Michael, and the ongoing growth in their relationship, emphasizing the importance of communication and negotiation in love.

Key Takeaways

• Ashley began her journey of healing before her divorce was finalized.
• The importance of self-care and addressing trauma during the healing process.
• Recognizing when one is ready to start dating again is crucial.
• Anticipating challenges in dating can help prepare for the journey ahead.
• Honesty in communication is vital for a successful dating experience.
• Core values play a significant role in shaping dating profiles and experiences.
• Dating can be an adventure filled with fun and learning.
• Building a connection with someone requires time and openness.
• Falling in love involves recognizing and embracing vulnerability.
• Ongoing growth and communication are essential in nurturing a relationship.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Ashley's Journey

02:49 Healing from Divorce and Trauma

05:41 Recognizing Readiness for Dating

08:44 Anticipating Challenges in Dating

11:40 Guidelines for a Healthy Dating Experience

14:00 Core Values and Personal Growth

17:17 The Dating Experience Begins

20:09 Navigating Early Dates

22:59 The Importance of Abundance Mindset

25:55 Finding the Right Match

29:16 The Love Story of Ashley and Michael

34:06 Navigating Modern Dating Dynamics

38:52 Choosing Between Connections

42:46 The Importance of Relationship Negotiation

47:00 Introducing Kids into Relationships

48:24 Falling in Love: The Journey

50:18 Conflict Resolution in Relationships

53:58 Healing Through Relationships

59:51 The Work Behind the Fairy Tale

01:04:10 Emotional Clutter and Personal Growth