In this episode of the podcast, David interviews Dr. Bernadette Atanga, a physician and mental health expert with a focus on empowering men through life’s challenges, particularly conflict. Dr. Bernadette shares her extensive experience working with men globally and discusses the unique struggles they face due to societal expectations of emotional suppression. She highlights the importance of mental health in physical well-being, explaining how unresolved emotions often manifest in physical ailments. The conversation delves into the cultural norms surrounding masculinity, the lack of support systems for men, and the need for a men's empowerment movement.

Dr. Bernadette introduces her "PEACE" method, an acronym encompassing Patience, Empathy, Awareness, Communication, and Emotional Intelligence, as a framework to help men heal and rebuild after conflicts like divorce. She emphasizes the significance of acknowledging emotional pain, embracing vulnerability, and redefining masculinity to lead with authentic strength. The discussion also covers co-parenting challenges, the importance of maintaining healthy relationships with children post-divorce, and why patience and self-discovery are crucial before entering new relationships.

Dr. Bernadette shares insights from her upcoming book, Beneath the Armor: Eight Practical Steps for Men to Embrace Vulnerability and Lead with Strength, which provides practical guidance for men to heal and rediscover their identity. The conversation concludes with a powerful reminder that healing starts with a choice and that men must prioritize their own well-being to truly thrive as leaders in their families and communities.

Top 10 Most Important Points from the Interview:

1. Emotional Suppression in Men: Societal norms discourage men from processing emotions, which often leads to internalized pain and externalized anger.

2. Mental Health and Physical Health Link: Emotional stress, such as that caused by divorce, frequently manifests in physical health issues like high blood pressure or unmanaged diabetes.

3. Unresolved Childhood Trauma: Many men suppress childhood pain, which resurfaces during life crises like divorce, affecting their healing journey.

4. The "PEACE" Framework: Dr. Bernadette’s method—Patience, Empathy, Awareness, Communication, and Emotional Intelligence—helps men navigate conflicts and heal.

5. Co-Parenting Advice: Parents must prioritize their children's well-being over personal conflicts, focusing on long-term relationships rather than short-term power struggles.

6. Redefining Masculinity: Men need to move beyond traditional definitions of masculinity tied to dominance and provision, embracing vulnerability and balance.

7. Healing Begins with Truth and Choice: Honest self-reflection and a conscious decision to heal are foundational steps for recovery post-divorce.

8. Cultural Universality of Masculine Struggles: Regardless of geography or ethnicity, men globally face similar challenges around vulnerability and societal expectations.

9. Impact of Divorce on Identity: Divorce often leads to a loss of identity, requiring men to redefine themselves not only for their own well-being but also for their families and communities.

10. Avoiding Rebound Relationships: Jumping into new relationships too soon after divorce often hinders healing and can lead to further emotional complications. Fellas!!!!
    

Dr. Bernadette Contacts:

Linkedin

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On this episode of the Don't Pick the Scab Podcast, host David interviews Daryl Tanner, a counselor, author, and lay minister from San Antonio, Texas. Daryl shares key insights from his book, Great Expectations Today, which offers practical advice for men healing after divorce. Drawing from his personal experiences and decades of work in Christian counseling, Daryl discusses how men can overcome anger, rebuild self-confidence, and find purpose following divorce. He emphasizes faith, forgiveness, and gratitude as essential components of personal growth.

Daryl explains that many men struggle with feelings of failure, anger, and inadequacy post-divorce. He advises men to focus on what they can control and to stop blaming external factors. He also highlights the importance of lowering unrealistic expectations, which can often lead to frustration and disappointment. By setting practical goals and being honest with oneself, men can begin to recover emotionally and spiritually.

Growing up on a farm in Lower Alabama with a strict father and a nurturing, spiritual mother, Daryl learned resilience early on. He credits his upbringing for helping him develop the strength to overcome challenges, including personal setbacks. A self-described daydreamer as a child, he explains how imagination and reading helped him escape difficulties and build a positive vision for the future.

Daryl also addresses the importance of forgiveness, both for oneself and others, to release the emotional burdens associated with divorce. He encourages men to avoid bitterness and instead focus on being present for their children without speaking negatively about their ex-spouse. Daryl underscores the significance of living in alignment with one's faith, finding gratitude in small blessings, and helping others as a way to heal.

The interview concludes with practical advice for men, including cleaning up unhealthy habits, seeking spiritual guidance, and surrounding themselves with supportive people. Tanner also recommends his book as a resource for additional insights and guidance.

Top 10 Takeaways

1. Lower Expectations: Avoid setting unrealistic standards for relationships and life; focus on practical, achievable goals.

2. Forgiveness is Key: Forgiving both yourself and others is essential to emotional and spiritual healing.

3. Focus on What You Can Control: Let go of the things you can't control, including your ex-partner's behavior.

4. Rebuild Confidence: Start by cleaning up unhealthy habits, exercising, and improving your diet.

5. Be Grateful: Shift your mindset by appreciating blessings, no matter how small.

6. Faith and Spirituality: Strengthen your relationship with God through prayer, Bible reading, and self-reflection.

7. Anger Management: Address underlying anger issues to avoid carrying emotional baggage into new relationships.

8. Help Others: Being a blessing to others can provide a sense of fulfillment and purpose.

9. Parent with Purpose: Focus on being a positive role model for your children without criticizing your ex.

10. Discover Inner Strength: Recognize and nurture the unique talents God has given you to thrive in life.
    

Daryl’s Book: Great Expectations Today!: A Happier Life Filled Wth Greater Abundance. Expand Your Inner Power and Become the Person You Have Always Wanted To Be.

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In this episode of the Don't Pick the Scab Podcast, host David interviews Dr. Benjamin Ritter, a leadership and career coach with over a decade of experience working with top companies like Amazon, Google, and Pinterest. Dr. Ritter specializes in helping individuals align their values with their careers and navigate life transitions, such as divorce or job loss. The conversation focuses on the parallels between losing a job and going through a divorce, both of which can leave individuals feeling stuck, lost, and disconnected. Dr. Ritter emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, self-care, and intentional living to overcome these challenges.

Key themes include the concept of "living for yourself," which involves aligning your life with your values and goals rather than external expectations. Dr. Ritter also discusses the importance of building confidence as a skill, creating a supportive environment, and taking small, actionable steps to move forward. He highlights the need for men to prioritize self-care, redefine their sense of purpose, and develop "executive presence" in both personal and professional contexts. The episode concludes with actionable advice for men recovering from life-altering events: focus on personal goals, build confidence, and evaluate relationships to ensure they align with your aspirations.

10 Important Topics Discussed

1. Parallels Between Job Loss and Divorce

-Both events involve a loss of identity, routine, and purpose, requiring individuals

to rebuild their lives.

1. Living for Yourself

-The importance of aligning your life with your own values and goals rather than living for others.

1. The Concept of Being Stuck

-Feeling stuck often stems from a lack of clarity, routine, and purpose, which can be addressed by identifying small, actionable changes.

1. Building Confidence as a Skill

-Confidence is not innate but can be developed through practice, self-reflection, and intentional actions.

1. Self-Care for Men

-Men often neglect self-care, but prioritizing physical, mental, and emotional well-being is crucial for recovery.

1. Executive Presence

-Developing executive presence involves defining your values, being reliable, and engaging fully in the moment.

1. The Role of Community and Support

-Losing a job or relationship often results in losing connections, making it essential to rebuild a supportive network.

1. Small Steps Toward Recovery

-Taking small, manageable actions—such as journaling, joining a group, or volunteering—can help create momentum.

1. Redefining Purpose and Direction

-Purpose can be rediscovered by focusing on meaningful activities, helping others, and reframing your perspective.

1. The Importance of Environment

-Surrounding yourself with people who support your growth and align with your goals is critical for personal development.

Dr Ritter’s Website

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