Emily and Dan dig into how parents can co-create healthy boundaries with and for their children so that kids learn to take responsibility for their lives and choices.

In the previous episode, Boundaries, Part 1, Emily and Dan defined boundaries, how to have them, and what they can look like. In this episode they hone in on boundaries with kids. 

Boundaries are so important in all people because they instill behaviors of self control, responsibility, freedom, and love. Without good boundaries rooted in childhood, issues with impulse control, addiction, and irresponsibility have been shown to arise later in life.

Boundaries are a learned skill, and a child’s first experience of them is within family. Emily and Dan remind us that children essentially don’t know what they’re doing, which is why they have parents to love them, provide structure, and guide them to maturity. 

How a child handles their own boundaries directly reflects a parent’s relationship to their own boundaries. Dan shares four ways that people learn boundaries: modeling, coaching, directing, and mentoring. Emily then layers on top the ten core tenants of Boundaries with Kids by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. Robert Townsend.

Stay in the loop and sign up for the Great Job! newsletter.

Episode Outline:

(00:45) Boundaries are a learned skill

(04:22) Caretakers help the external become internal

(06:56) Boundaries for the the pivotal years

(09:26) Dan’s 4 ways people learn boundaries

(16:46) The power and normalization of cursing

(26:55) Responsibility, power, and respect

(30:26) Motivation, commitment and accountability for the pivotal ages

(34:53) Evaluation, productivity, envy, activity, and exposure

Resources Referenced:

Boundaries with Kids by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. Robert Townsend

Dr. Becky’s Instagram

Good Inside with Dr. Becky podcast

Connect with Dan and Emily: 

Great Job! Website

Great Job! Twitter 

Great Job! Facebook 

Great Job! LinkedIn 

About Dan and Emily: 

We’re Dan and Emily Mall, the parents behind Great Job! We’ve known each other since 5th grade, been together for over twenty years, and have spent the last 12 years raising our two daughters, Sidda and Charlie. We started this space after we noticed a lot of our friends and teachers (and our kids’ friends’ parents) coming to us for advice or to compliment the way our kids sometimes show up in the world. We wanted a way to share our stories of what’s worked and hasn’t for parents and caregivers, who, like us, struggle with raising amazing humans.