In this episode Emily and Dan share their love and hate for traditions. Just as every family’s value system will be different, their views on traditions will be too. 

Emily and Dan share a religious upbringing that greatly shaped what traditions, especially holiday traditions, mean to them. They share a desire to question each year how they would like to celebrate, or not, a tradition, as well as also carrying through certain aspects of one. 

For kids, traditions bring stability, helping a child build self esteem and confidence, making them feel safe and secure. They reduce the cognitive load, especially for parents, to know what they should be doing. They can also feel boring, repetitive, and meaningless. As much as traditions are inclusive they can also be exclusive and carry unnecessary pressure to behave a certain way. 

This year Emily and Dan are bringing the question of what to do for the holiday season for the entire family to decide at their MFP, the Monthly Family Party. An MFP is one of the Mall family’s favorite traditions. They are a place to talk about what’s coming up, what’s working or not working, to get on the same page, and most importantly to ensure they are all living their best lives together. 

The holidays are a time where many family values are engaged at once, and for the Malls that includes their ‘whoever wants it more does the work’ philosophy, gender norms, being different, and respecting other people’s boundaries.

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Episode Outline: 

(01:11) 3 things Emily can’t stand about traditions

(03:12) Traditions can be good for kids and reduce cognitive overload

(06:52) The influence of a religious upbringing on experiencing tradition

(11:27) Monthly Family Parties (formerly known as meetings)

(16:05) Being nontraditional is a tradition! 

(24:50) Expectations meet Christmas presents

(30:22) ‘Whoever wants it more does the work’ returns

(33:09) Traditions are a spectrum

Connect with Dan and Emily: 

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About Dan and Emily: 

We’re Dan and Emily Mall, the parents behind Great Job! We’ve known each other since 5th grade, been together for over twenty years, and have spent the last 12 years raising our two daughters, Sidda and Charlie. We started this space after we noticed a lot of our friends and teachers (and our kids’ friends’ parents) coming to us for advice or to compliment the way our kids sometimes show up in the world. We wanted a way to share our stories of what’s worked and hasn’t for parents and caregivers, who, like us, struggle with raising amazing humans.