In Episode 262, Mark & Steve examine the pervasive issue of defensiveness in relationships, particularly in the context of porn/sex addiction and betrayal trauma. They explain how defensiveness arises from fear, shame, and unresolved trauma, creating cycles of conflict that block emotional connection. The betrayed partner’s reactions, often rooted in pain and self-preservation, can trigger defensive responses in the addict in recovery, escalating the divide. By shifting focus from being “right” to fostering empathy and understanding, couples can begin to dismantle these destructive patterns and move toward healing.

The episode emphasizes the profound impact of betrayal on trust, illustrating how it disrupts safety and rewires the brain’s survival mechanisms. Both partners must navigate their trauma responses with patience and compassion. Practical strategies such as practicing empathy, authenticity, and curiosity are highlighted as tools to transform conflict into opportunities for connection. Breaking free from defensive cycles requires intentional effort to understand each partner’s perspective and address the root causes of their pain.

The episode concludes by framing recovery as a collaborative effort, requiring commitment and support. Tools like therapy, support groups, and programs like Dare to Connect can help couples rebuild trust and create deeper intimacy. While the journey is challenging, it underscores the potential for relationships to thrive when defensiveness is replaced with genuine understanding and connection.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: Defensiveness is KILLING Our Relationship—What Do We DO?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services