Note: This post was originally published on Audible.com
Joe Goldberg, the main character and narrator of ’s best-selling , is despicable. And yet, whether you first encountered him via Santino Fontana’s skin-crawlingly flawless narration or Penn Badgley’s persuasive portrayal in Netflix’s hit TV adaptation, he always elicits an extraordinary performance. From page to screen, Joe is one of the most damaged characters to induce serious binge-listening and watching in 21st-century popular culture.
How does Joe do what he does and seemingly get away with it? For one, he’s very smart, and extremely crafty. His machinations will keep you engrossed and might affect your blood pressure—check it the next time you’re listening. Joe thinks the unthinkable, and no one around him has a clue. He’s the smoothest operator of them all—charming, devious, and a superb romanticist. It’s safe to say that with Joe, Caroline Kepnes has created a monster-piece. Here are 30 quotes that could only come straight out of Joe’s mouth.
Joe’s Sweet Nothings
1. “You are a woman and I am a man and we belong in the dark together.” —
2. “Your lips were made for mine, Beck. You are the reason I have a mouth, a heart.” —
3. “I am a wounded soldier of Love home from WWIII.” —
4. “You blush. You are Charlotte’s Web and I could love you.” —
5. “Talking to you is like traveling through time.” —
6. “Night moves don't work in the morning.” —
7. “I love you because onions are more complicated than cherries. I’m doomed.” —
8. “We are both on a journey and we are both in love and that's all anyone can hope for in life.” —
9. “An extraordinary girl can’t have an ordinary life. Don’t judge yourself. Love yourself.” —
10. "If we were teenagers..."
Life According to Joe
11. “The only thing crueler than a cage so small that a bird can’t fly is a cage so large that a bird thinks it can fly. Only a monster would lock a bird in here and call himself an animal lover.” —
12. “When you’re with the right person, you do the right thing and I was smart to let you go home.” —
13. “Rejection is a dish best served in a paper envelope because then at least you can tear it up or burn it.” —
