Dragon Fantasy Humour

Vainqueur Knightsbane is your average dragon: A giant, fire-breathing lizard who loves to take naps on his golden hoard, kidnap princesses for fun, and make the life of adventurers miserable. Vainqueur's only pleasure in life is to watch his treasure get bigger, one coin at a time. So when a would-be thief turned unwilling minion tells him about "classes", "levels", and "quests", Vainqueur wonders if maybe, just maybe, he should consider a career change. After all, why bother hunting monsters for free when you can get paid for it?

To earn a pardon and avoid prison or execution, Timmy, Grand Necromancer and Lord of Black Tower Castle, has been completing missions for the Council with the help of an elite team of truly heroic individuals. There’s Katie, his apprentice. She’s brilliant, cunning, and maniacally devious. She’s also 10 years old, extremely adorable, and loves billowy robes and the color pink. There’s Avraniel, the pyromaniac elf who is responsible for more property damage than anyone in Everton’s history (including dragons, natural disasters, and demon gods).

Take one bored princess. Make her the seventh daughter in a very proper royal family. Have her run away. Add one powerful, fascinating, dangerous dragon. Princess Cimerone has never met anyone (or anything) like the dragon Kazul. But then, she's never met a witch, a jinn, a death-dealing talking bird or a stone prince either. Princess Cimerone ran away to find some excitement. She's found plenty.

Mysterious incidents are wreaking havoc throughout Camp Jupiter. And if the Romans don't find out who - or what - is behind the episodes soon, the Twelfth Legion could implode. Suspicion falls on Claudia, the Fourth Cohort's newest probatio. To find out the truth, see through Claudia's eyes the crime scenes and watch as the bizarre events unfold - even when she discovers a secret that holds the key to Camp Jupiter's safety....

Arek didn’t think about what would happen after he fulfilled the prophecy. He’s officially King of Ere, but only Arek and his mage, the devastatingly handsome Matt, know that the role comes with a catch: marry by your eighteenth birthday—or die. Arek’s got three months to find his One True Love and save his own life. But things go painfully and hilariously wrong...until he discovers that love might have been right in front of him all along.

I never thought I would date a dragon, or feed him chicken strips late at night, but life has gotten interesting. My steady dragon - you may know him as Lord Zavryd’nokquetal, but I get to call him Zav - is offering to take me to the elven homeland to meet my father and learn to harness the magic in my blood. Sure, I’m wary about his plans to force the elves to train me, but I need every advantage I can get. Especially when vampire attacks start cropping up all over Seattle, and my friend and business partner, Dimitri, disappears.

Sometimes, there are stories about other people. But if you read between the lines, you'll find that most stories are about me: Brandon Thighmaster. And why wouldn't they be? You can have your tales of daring-do and double-crossing rogues, sure, but that's kind of the story bread, you know? Useless carbs. You want to get to the meat of the story, that's where the rich protein is.

When their Landlord is persuaded to have his life story recorded for posterity, the surprises come thick and fast. Just like his regulars, you too can learn how a three-headed ogre came to be a hero. Unlike them, you don't stand to be killed if it all goes wrong....

It's a question as old as time itself: which is better, the zombie or the unicorn? In this anthology, edited by Holly Black and Justine Larbalestier (unicorn and zombie, respectively), strong arguments are made for both sides in the form of short stories. Half of the stories portray the strengths - for good and evil - of unicorns and half show the good (and really, really bad-ass) side of zombies.

Murland Kadabra has always dreamed of becoming a great wizard. However, at age 19, the young apprentice has yet to successfully cast a single spell. He has been reduced to grounds keeper of Abra Tower, and has become the laughing stock of the wizarding school. But when the Most High Wizard Kazimir chooses him to be one of the five Champions of the Dragon, Murland's life changes forever.

What does a three-headed ogre do when they are banned from being a hero? Why, apply to be a henchman of The Dark Lord, of course. Prepare yourself for a story of evil plans and dark deeds, as Og-Grim-Dog discovers whether a life of villainy is really all it’s cracked up to be.

Thirteen years ago Oliver's father died in a battle against Red Line, the nasty dragon that plagued Aardland. Oliver has since grown into a very large man with little ambition, earning him a new name: The Lump. When Flynn, a glory seeking adventurer, and Meena, a mysterious foreign girl, arrive with news that Red Line has stirred once again, the Lump finds himself reluctantly embroiled in a quest to defeat the dragon.

As time runs down for the players trapped by the evil Lich-Lord in the hyper-realistic MMORPG Fantasy Realms Online, Kromgorn the Barbarian is still stuck playing as the gorgeous, pleasure-fueled Lacey the Courtesan, a character designed to level fastest when she’s getting busy with every NPC in sight. The action is hot, the stakes are high, and Lacey will need to pull out every skill she can muster if she wants to win the day.

Van Vanyushin doesn't see the point in ever leaving the beautiful digital world of the game he loves - and for good reason. In the industrial wasteland he calls home, it is often the only way people can experience life's simplest pleasures. But his allegiance to the game is tested when an ambitious CIA agent named Sang Ngo calls upon him to help as she goes undercover in the game to investigate Draco - the corporation responsible for creating the massively popular role-playing game Dragon Kings of the New World.

With the blood of a Dragon on his hands, Anuka Sandbar and his friends flee from the horde of Dragons hunting them. Desperate for a weapon to use against the Dragons, Anuka assembles a band of professional thieves and thugs to infiltrate a secret dungeon.

Fairy is a unicorn. Now, that’s not so strange. But her powerful farts, please avoid at close range. Her farts are a burst of pink rainbow dust. But run away fast, if she lets one bust. Share this farting tale with loved ones. Adults are permitted to laugh, too.

Ahh, the Old Kingdom. Come and pet our angry, fire-breathing dragons. Take a dip with mighty sea serpents in our lovely warm seas. Play catch-the-arrow with merry elven warriors. Drink beer* with the dwarves. For an unforgettable experience, the Old Kingdom is the ideal destination for your next holiday. Survival is optional, and highly unlikely. *Similarity to actual beer not guaranteed.

After serving with Keane to save Greenshade, the cowardly, illusion-making runecrafter Morholt leads a group of mercenaries on a mission to save the women from his past. His one rule: No killing. But after a terrible accident leaves one of Sarah’s oldest friends dead in the Sedrian jungle, the unstoppable Hill Fury pursues Morholt relentlessly across the Thirteen Kingdoms. Because the renewed Temple of the Sky is trying to murder all those with the sacrilegious runecrafting ability, Sarah requests their help. But soon Sarah must decide who her true enemies are.

Here collected for the first time are the thrilling and hopefully hilarious tales of the world's most embarrassed superhero. "Everyman" Race Harleson just wanted to do his guard shift and pick up his check - so the cosmos decided he'd get to be special, giving him Superman-like powers including strength, flight, and virtual invulnerability...so long as he's completely naked while he fights crime and saves the world.

It's autumn 2001, and a fire-breathing dragon is destroying London. With most of her military overseas, the Queen decides to do what previous Queens would've done and call in her Knights! The only problem is that the Queen has only knighted celebrities.