Depression Memoir Postpartum

A harrowing memoir about a woman's struggle with postpartum depression. Nine days after the birth of her daughter, Amanda was involuntarily admitted to a Toronto psychiatric ward for postpartum depression (PPD). The typical hold-and-release process in Ontario is seventy-two hours. She stayed eighteen days.

Early motherhood is supposed to be joyous, but for Aaisha Alvi those early days were ruined by terrifying thoughts about her baby and family. Her experience was the antithesis of everything she had ever been told about motherhood, far beyond the trials of breastfeeding or putting her baby to sleep. Aaisha did recover and began to enjoy motherhood. She was thrilled when she fell pregnant again. Sadly, that pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, and the psychosis returned. This time, however, she was blindsided by the unimaginable: voices urged her to stab her daughter and to harm innocent people.

Maleah thinks being a stay-at-home mom makes her inferior to other successful women. Plagued with unrelenting thoughts of inadequacy, she struggles to heal from postpartum depression without medication. Her search to save her body, her marriage, and her family leads to an unexpected revelation and the discovery of joy and health hidden within the heart of mothering.

If I could make it to the bridge, the pain would stop. I just had to make it to the bridge, and the hopelessness would end. It became a refrain, running over and over in my head as I raced down the highway. Make it to the bridge, and the pain will end. It's hopeless. Just wanna die. Make it to the bridge.