Episode 189 | Childless After Infertility: The Shift That Changes Everything

What if you could stop living in regret after infertility and start creating a life that feels amazing to wake up to?

In this episode of The “So Now What?” Podcast, Lana Manikowski shares the realization that changed everything: the moment she stopped identifying as a victim of infertility and began shaping a new story for her life after IVF failed.

If you have ever wondered whether it is possible to feel fulfilled without motherhood, this episode will show you how. You will learn how to shift your mindset from loss to ownership, reconnect with your body, and rediscover your power to create joy and meaning again, even in a world that revolves around parenthood.

If you are ready to move beyond grief and step into growth, come join Childless After Infertility, Lana’s new online community for women who are ready to grow beyond the pain of infertility. If you join now it is free!

Skool is a private online platform where you can connect, learn, and grow together without the noise, ads, or distractions of social media. It combines the best parts of a classroom and a community so everything we discuss stays focused and meaningful.

This is not a support group. It is a growth group for women who want to create what comes next.
👉 Join Childless After Infertility on Skool

Explore Coaching that Works: Thrive After Infertility

If you are ready for personal support, Thrive After Infertility is Lana’s 12-week coaching program that helps you rebuild trust with your body, strengthen your relationships, and create meaningful milestones beyond motherhood.

📘 Free Resource: The Top 27 Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond)

Tired of awkward questions and unsolicited advice?
Get your free guide to navigate those conversations with confidence and authenticity.
Download it here

🩵 In This Episode, You’ll Learn

• How to stop identifying as a victim of infertility.
  
  

• Why letting go of regret is essential for healing beyond childlessness.
  
  

• The mindset shift that helps you thrive after IVF fails.
  
  

• How to find connection and purpose without motherhood.
  
  

• What makes the Childless After Infertility community different from a support group or Facebook group.
  
  

🎧 Listen and Subscribe

If you have found the content of this podcast to be helpful, please subscribe to the show and leave a review to help more women find hope and community after infertility.

Learn how to leave a podcast rating and review HERE!

When IVF Fails: How to Ask Your Fertility Clinic for the Support You Still Need

When IVF fails, it can feel like your clinic disappears but you still deserve care. In this episode, learn how to ask for what you need from your fertility doctor even after fertility treatment ends. Discover how to advocate for yourself, share resources, and help your clinic better support women who are childless after infertility.

If your fertility treatment ended without the baby you dreamed of, you are not alone and you are not forgotten.

In this episode of The So Now What Podcast, host Lana Manikowski shares how to ask for what you need from your fertility clinic or doctor even after IVF fails. Whether you are still in treatment, deciding what is next, or already navigating life without children, you will learn how to take action, reclaim your voice, and inspire change inside the fertility industry.

You will discover how to
✅ Ask for acknowledgment and emotional support from your clinic even months or years later
✅ Write a compassionate message to your IVF nurse, patient coordinator, or doctor
✅ Share what helped you heal so your feedback can support future patients
✅ Turn pain into purpose and become part of the change in fertility care for women who are childless after infertility

When fertility treatment ends without a baby, silence from your clinic can feel like abandonment. But that silence does not mean you were unimportant. It means the system is incomplete. And systems change when you speak up.

Lana offers a simple message template you can use to reach out to your clinic and invites you to take one small, brave step toward creating the care you and other women deserve.

Your story still matters.
You are not invisible.
You are part of the change that can make fertility care more human, compassionate, and complete.

Mentioned in this episode

• Listen to Episode 187 IVF Failed A Fertility Doctor’s Thoughts About What Happens Next

• Free Guide The Top 27 Things People Say When You’re Childless and How to Respond

• Book a Thrive Call to create your plan for thriving after infertility
  
  

When you’re going through fertility treatments, you never imagine they will end without a baby. I didn’t. I believed that if I tried hard enough, followed every step, and stayed committed, eventually I would have the child I dreamed of. But when IVF failed and motherhood didn’t happen, I was completely unprepared and unsupported.

That gap, the silence that follows when treatments end without children, is why I became a member of ASRM, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, and serve in their Mental Health Providers group.

In October I am attending the ASRM annual congress with thousands of reproductive Endocrinologists, fertility doctors, IVF nurses, and fertility specialists from around the world. My mission is to make sure the voices of women who are childless after infertility are part of the conversation.

For an upcoming podcast episode I will be interviewing a fertility doctor who not only treats patients but has gone through IVF herself. This is your opportunity to shape that conversation.

✨ What do you wish you had received when you left treatments without a baby?
✨ Were you offered support, and if yes what was most helpful?
✨ If you weren’t, what do you think would have made the biggest difference?
✨ And what is one question you would love me to ask a fertility doctor about life after treatment?

👉 Share your input here: Fill out the form

Your name will never be used on the podcast, but if you’d like me to thank you personally you’ll have the option to share your name and email at the end.

Your experience matters. What you went through is real, and if I can help bridge your story with the professionals shaping fertility care, we can change the way life after infertility is understood and supported.

🔗 Related Episodes:

• Ep 147: Support After IVF - What Childless Women Really Want (click here to listen)

• Ep 146: Finding Closure After IVF (click here to listen)

💜 Free Resource: The Top 27 Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond) → Click HERE!

Why does infertility feel so shameful? In this episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast, Lana Manikowski unpacks the weight of shame after IVF fails and motherhood does not happen.

She explains why shame shows up for women who are childless not by choice, why it is optional, and how you can release it. Learn four steps to stop carrying shame so you can feel grounded, confident, and whole in the life you are creating.

If you are childless after infertility, you may know the weight of shame all too well. Shame convinces you that you are the problem. That your body failed. That you let your husband or partner down. That you disappointed your parents by not giving them grandchildren. That your family name ends with you.

Shame after infertility is common, but here is the truth most women do not realize: shame is optional.

In this episode, I share why infertility feels so shameful, how shame sneaks into your identity, and why you do not have to carry it as part of who you are. I tell my own story of IVF failing me and the moment I believed I had let everyone down. I also share the four steps that helped me rewrite that story and start living without shame.

You will learn:

• Why shame shows up after infertility and IVF fails

• The difference between facts and the shame stories your brain creates

• How to talk back to shame so it no longer runs your life

• How to choose your own headline and live into your values

• What shifts when you stop letting infertility define your worth
  
  

When you release shame, you stop shrinking in family gatherings.

You stop questioning your marriage.

You begin to walk through the world with confidence and live as the whole, worthy woman you already are.

If you are tired of carrying shame for something you never chose, this episode is for you.

Read Chapter 1 of my bestselling book, "So Now What?" HERE.

📺 Watch the replay of the World Childless Week webinar I moderated: https://youtu.be/PZz_-H9A47U?feature=shared

💌 Free Resource: The Top 27 Things People Say When You Are Childless (...and How to Respond) Click here to download!

Tags
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How to tell your story with pride when IVF failed and you are living childless after infertility.

When IVF fails and motherhood did not happen, it is so easy to feel like your only option is to hide. You spent years doing everything you possibly could—fertility treatments, doctors’ appointments, lifestyle changes, endless waiting. You gave your body, your money, your heart, and your time to the dream of becoming a mom. And despite all of it, you find yourself living childless after infertility.

In those moments, it can feel impossible to talk about what really happened. Maybe you have learned to keep quiet because the pain feels too heavy. Maybe you are tired of comments like “You could always adopt” or “At least you can sleep in.” Maybe you worry about making others uncomfortable.

But here is the truth: hiding from your infertility story will never create the life you crave.

In this episode, I share why there is nothing more beautiful than telling your story, even when IVF failed and motherhood didn’t happen. I will show you how owning your infertility story changes the way you see yourself and how others see you, and how telling your story can open the door to a future that feels powerful, grounded, and deeply meaningful.

• Why you can feel proud of your infertility story even if IVF failed

• How hiding keeps you small and why telling your truth sets you free

• What life can feel like when the question “Do you have kids” no longer holds power over you

• How sharing your story helps you reconnect with your body, your friendships, and your future

You may not have the children you dreamed of, but you can still live a life that feels rich, purposeful, and joyful. Your story is not one of failure. Your story is one of strength. And there is nothing more beautiful than learning how to tell it.

• Register for my free masterclass (Wednesday 9/17): Things People Say When You Are Childless - click HERE

• Join my World Childless Week webinar (Saturday, Sept 20): Register here

• Download my free guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond) click HERE.

When IVF fails and you’re childless after infertility, people often try to cheer you up with “at least you can…” comments.

But what these comments really reveal is how uncomfortable our society is with sadness. In this episode, I share how a recent injury reminded me of that cultural reflex, why sadness is not a flaw, and how you can create room for both grief and growth as a childless woman.

Plus: details on my free class September 17 and my World Childless Week panel on September 20, Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman.

Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels Uncomfortable

Have you ever been told “At least you can travel” or “At least you don’t have to pay for college” after your IVF failed? If you’re childless after infertility, you know how painful and dismissive these “at least you can” comments feel. People think they’re comforting, but they rarely land that way.

In this week’s episode of The So Now What? Podcast, I explore what these comments really mean, why they don’t help, and how to stop internalizing the silent message they send — that sadness, disappointment, and grief are emotions you shouldn’t feel.

You’ll hear:

• Why people reach for “at least” comments and what it reveals about society’s discomfort with sadness

• How my nephew’s recent soccer injury reminded me of our instinct to erase someone else’s sadness

• The connection between these comments and what we hear when IVF fails

• Why sadness is not a flaw but proof that something mattered to you

• How to hold both infertility grief and the good that still exists in your life

• Why rediscovering your identity as a childless woman can shift your story from loss to strength

This episode also celebrates the 4-year anniversary of The So Now What? Podcast. Four years of creating a community for women who were left without resources after fertility treatments ended without a baby.

Free Resources & Upcoming Events

• Free Class: Wednesday, Sept 17: Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond Without Spiraling or Shutting Down). Morning/afternoon in the US, evening in Europe. Register here!

• World Childless Week: Saturday, Sept 20: I’m leading a panel called Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman at 8 AM CT / 2 PM BST. Join us live or catch the replay. Register here!

• Free Guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond) Download it for free. CLICK HERE!

☕ Help me celebrate 4 years of The “So Now What?” Podcast!
If this podcast has supported you, would you leave a rating or review? Reviews help more women who are grieving infertility discover this resource.

As a thank-you, I’ll send you a $5 Starbucks gift card.

👉 Here’s how to claim it:

1. Follow the step-by-step directions here to leave your rating or review.
   
   Take a screenshot once your review is posted.

2. Email it to me here: hi@lanamanikowski.com
   
   

When I receive your screenshot, I’ll send you a Starbucks gift card as my thank-you for celebrating this milestone with me.

Sadness doesn’t mean you’re broken.

Grief after infertility is real, but it doesn’t define your whole story. Listen to Episode 183: Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels Uncomfortable to learn how to stop internalizing “at least you can” comments and start creating space for both your grief and your growth.

When IVF fails, your brain can feel like the enemy, spiraling with infertility triggers, constant comparison, and the grief of being childless after infertility. In this episode, you will discover why your brain reacts this way when fertility treatments do not work, and three simple practices to begin calming your mind and finding peace.

Have you ever felt fine one moment, and then a single pregnancy announcement, bump photo, or piece of unsolicited advice left you spiraling? If IVF failed you and you are now childless, your brain may feel like the enemy. But the truth is, your brain is just trying to protect you.

In Episode 182 of The “So Now What?” Podcast, you will discover why your brain works the way it does after infertility and how to start rewiring it so you can feel calmer, steadier, and more in control of your story.

You will learn:

• Why your “smoke alarm brain” gets so sensitive after IVF fails and infertility treatments end

• What it means to “name it” when you feel yourself reacting (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn)

• How to look for glimmers of safety that calm your nervous system faster than pep talks

• Why bridge thoughts are more believable and more healing than toxic positivity

• How shifting the way you respond to infertility triggers helps you reclaim peace and confidence in your childless life

Once you stop seeing your body and brain as the enemy, everything changes: your friendships, your marriage, your time, and your ability to create a meaningful future without children.

Announcements

🌍 World Childless Week
On Saturday, September 20th at 2pm BST (8am CT / 9am ET) I am honored to be leading a panel: Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman.

Each panelist has walked a unique path through autoimmune conditions, male factor infertility, singlehood, and female factor infertility. Together, we will share reflections on moving from “hopeful mother” to confident women living life on our own terms.

This is not a conversation about what was lost. It is about what is possible. If you are ready to feel proud of the woman you are, with no disclaimers and no shame, this is for you.
Register here

🎓 Free Live Masterclass
I am hosting another session of Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond), this time scheduled to fit international listeners. It is happening on September 18th at 11:30am CT / 5:30pm BST.

This is a brand new class, not a replay. If you have ever frozen, shut down, or replayed conversations after someone made a comment about your childlessness, this live call will give you practical language and mindset tools to respond with confidence.
Register here

Free Resource

Get my free guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond)
Download your copy here

You do not have to stay stuck in autopilot reactions. Your brain is not broken, it just needs a new way forward. Tune in now to learn how to begin calming your brain after IVF fails so you can feel safe, steady, and proud of the life you are creating without children.