Send us a text

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Love Addiction is often a response to Insecure Attachment. It looks like it is about sex and chasing sexual outlets, but it isn't really about sex - as the core desire.

It is an attempt to gain a sense of 'being wanted', 'being a part of...','accepted', 'owned', 'wanted', 'secure', 'held', 'needed', 'wanted', 'safe', 'protected', 'belonging',

The class clown will play up to that carved out role, because of a recognition that they get laughs. Through the back door, laughs gives a temporary sense of being a part of the group - where life mostly is a sense of not belonging, excluded, rejected, not acceptable.

Any attention is better than no attention. The crumbs off the table is better than nothing.

Friends looking on in frustration and annoyance at the behaviours - self, observing own behaviours - adds to the self-deprecation. The Addict is frustrated. Logic evades them all. The behaviours make no sense. The costs and repercussions from doing the behaviours, make no sense; don't add up.

The repetition, the risk taking, the boundary crossing, the trashing own Values and trespassing beyond own comfort levels - makes no logically sense.

"Why do I do the things which I don't want to do and not do the things which I ought to do?"

Let the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.

Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Want to know more? Click the link and come get me.

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

Discover the real, authentic you - without shame.

The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Send us a text

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

The Insecure 'ATTACHMENT' label does not describe accurately, what is really in the can with this label on it! It is exactly the opposite. It typically is set up in the early childhood development years. Often, they are experiences which you can't readily or easily access; but your brain remembers them well and put an identification label/marker on each of them, as and when they occurred.

You cannot necessarily find or access them or the details about them. The brain does it's job well and blots them out from you finding them, so that you do not have a nervous breakdown.

They have been put in boxes. Nailed down and labels attached saying "DO NOT OPEN. We do not lift the lid off these boxes. They contain uncomfortable stuff. They are stored in this area of the brain, to help you get through life without them (too frequently) causing disruption".

They are filed in certain parts of your brain, which are not easily accessible without the right password, situation and environment. They can be prematurely triggered out in situations like watching a Netflix movie. (We need to be balanced in our advertising of Netflix and so add.... Amazon Prime, BBC player, Apple TV, a box set etc!).

EMDR beckons folks. Out of sight is not out of mind - entirely.

Let the Kairos Centre come alongside you to reclaim your quality of living life - without shame - bringing colour back to life.

Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intim

Send us a text

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

There are three ways in which we try to get our Core Emotional Needs met. Meeting Core emotional needs is not negotiable. They want to be met and kept filled up at high levels.

The reality, however, is that life takes a toll upon us and Core Emotional Needs deplete over time. What are some of those Core Emotional Needs: Approval, Acceptance, Support, Security, Comfort, Respect - amongst others.

When we have been functioning on low depleted levels for some time (where they are not being replenished regularly enough by certain persons, people and situations) - they wane. Leakage causes depletion.

We seek to top them up by reacting - through Fight/Flight/Freeze. Each of us use different ones at different times, but there is one of those that we use more often than the other.

Which one do you use more often? It is not always the obvious one that you first thought!

Fight: is often more Passive Aggressive, than the very much more visible overt behaviour. Passive Aggression is mostly unseen, yet is a very potent weapon that is welded by many and do not recognise or see the potency of that weapon.

Fight is mostly not about leaving the toilet seat up for the hundredth time or the top off the tooth paste. Fight is often driven by depleted Core Emotional needs, but not visible or owned by the person.

Flight: My definition is - "We move ourself away from the place where we perceive that our Core Emotional Needs are not being met and instead, put ourself in a different place where we perceive that our Core Emotional Needs are more likely to be met". That might be a physical moving or an emotional leaving/absence.

Flight is problematic because of the dangers of fleeing into the arms of someone else who appears to be meeting depleted Core Emotional Needs - which feels like love and affection - but really is not. It is just compensating (temporarily) for a depleted emotional void.

Freeze: I call "the stiff British upper lip - through the trenches - we just get on".
Freeze does not look like what is on the label. It is not inactivity. It is more about just ignoring own Needs and just trying to get on with life; but....

Freeze (getting on with life) - does not stay frozen permanently! Every now and then, there will be a Fight for a short period, then revert back to Freeze for the longer time; otherwise, Flight for a short period, then revert back to Freeze for the longer time.

Might the reaction being seen; the behaviour being done - arising from depleted Core Emotional Needs? An attempt to meet depleted Core Emotional Needs.

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styl