In this episode of The Secure Love Podcast, host Julie Menanno continues working with Melissa and Drew, building on their previous session. The couple reflects on a recent incident during their vacation where Melissa’s bid for connection at dinner went unanswered, triggering a familiar negative cycle and leading to her protest behavior.

This episode focuses on Drew’s perspective. He shares how the disconnect at dinner, combined with Melissa's protest, led him into his own negative cycle of frustration and fear of prolonged disconnection. Drew describes the emotional and physical toll of the situation, referring to a "knot in his stomach" and the overall feeling of "agony" from not being able to articulate himself well in the moment.

Julie helps them navigate these feelings, encouraging Drew to lean into vulnerability and sit with the discomfort. She explains that the knot in his stomach holds wisdom, guiding him on how to move through difficult moments and reconnect with Melissa.

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In this episode of The Secure Love Podcast, Julie explores the challenges Melissa and Drew face during their anniversary trip. Despite overall enjoyment, the couple encounters difficulties in connecting, highlighting the complexities of transitioning from daily responsibilities to relaxation. Melissa struggles to unwind and feels disconnected from Drew, who seems more at ease. As listeners, we might consider: How do we handle the shift from our usual routines to moments of leisure with our partners? Do we find ourselves, like Melissa, struggling to relax, or like Drew, easily disconnecting from daily stressors?

The episode delves into the concept of dropped bids for connection, examining how small moments of disconnection can escalate into larger issues. Melissa's attempts to engage Drew are met with resistance, leading to feelings of rejection and ultimately, protest. This pattern raises important questions for reflection: How do we respond to our partner's bids for connection? Are we aware of the signals we're sending when we decline these bids? And when our attempts at connection are unsuccessful, do we, like Melissa, resort to protest as a last resort to be seen and heard? Julie emphasizes that while protest isn't ideal, it often serves as the only effective method for some partners to gain engagement, highlighting the need for clearer communication and more authentic responses in relationships

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• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
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In this episode, host Julie Menanno delves into the evolving dynamics of Melissa and Drew's marriage as they navigate the life-altering effects of parenthood. After 12 therapy sessions, the couple has made strides in breaking free from negative communication patterns, but challenges still arise around their differing needs for social time.

Melissa, a stay-at-home mom, opens up about the insecurities and frustrations that come with her role, feeling like her personal sacrifices go unnoticed as she devotes herself to their family. When Drew mentions his desire to hang out with friends and potentially take trips—like one to Vegas—Melissa feels overwhelmed and unappreciated, her insecurities amplified by the freedom Drew seems to have.

Julie helps the couple explore how the unspoken pressures of motherhood can shift relationship dynamics and create emotional disconnects. Through constructive dialogue, both partners learn to validate each other's needs while addressing the vulnerabilities that have shaped their current struggles. The episode encourages listeners to reflect on how societal expectations around motherhood can influence marital dynamics—and why open, empathetic communication is key to bridging those gaps.

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• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
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In this episode of The Secure Love Podcast, Drew confronts his deep-seated feelings of shame, tracing their roots back to childhood experiences, including a pivotal moment at a baseball game when his father left him. This incident instilled a belief of inadequacy that resurfaces in his present-day struggles, particularly regarding anxiety about new work conditions. Drew expresses fears of needing to "reprove" himself, which amplifies his feelings of failure and shame.

Under Julie's guidance, Drew begins to articulate these emotions and recognizes the importance of being vulnerable with Melissa, despite his tendency to avoid such discussions. This session marks a significant milestone in their therapy journey, as Julie notes that it may be the last deep dive into Drew's shame, indicating his progress in being fully present with his struggles. The couple's evolving dynamic highlights the shift from avoidance to emotional connection, setting the stage for a more secure relationship.

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• Sign up now for Julie's upcoming Couples Workshop this Saturday, September 28th: Healing Together Workshop
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
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In this episode of The Secure Love Podcast, host and couples therapist Julie Menanno focuses on Melissa, the anxious partner in her relationship with Drew. Melissa feels an overwhelming sense of "getting it wrong" in her interactions with him. As Melissa navigates these vulnerable feelings, Julie guides her out of intellectualizing emotions and into truly experiencing them. Through the session, Julie points out how Melissa's tendency to process feelings in her head can act as a defense mechanism against deeper pain, stemming from a fear of rejection and loneliness.

As Melissa opens up, Julie reassures Drew's presence, ensuring he is a co-regulating force for Melissa's emotions. She emphasizes how Drew, though supportive, needs to work on acknowledging Melissa's feelings without jumping into his own discomfort or trying to fix them immediately. For those listening, Julie encourages self-validation by staying with difficult emotions, rather than rushing to intellectualize or dismiss them. The key takeaway: in relationships, partners should make space for each other's feelings before attempting to address or resolve them. This process not only deepens emotional intimacy but also helps build secure attachment over time.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

Julie offers insightful feedback, emphasizing that their struggle in this case isn't about their parenting but rather how they respond to challenges together. She highlights the importance of coming together as a team, even briefly, to get on the same page in difficult moments. The episode underscores the value of choosing connection over avoidance and the power of being present with your partner, especially when facing external pressures.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In this episode, Drew, the avoidant partner in his relationship with Melissa, begins to confront his deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and shame. Drew's inner critic, which has driven him to seek perfection and self-improvement, also caused emotional pain and isolation. As he starts to unravel these complex feelings, he struggles to articulate them but makes significant progress in acknowledging their impact on his life and relationship.

Julie’s guidance helps Drew understand that these negative beliefs don’t define him and encourages him to be vulnerable, even if it’s not perfectly expressed. This shift is crucial for Drew, who has often avoided confronting these emotions. Melissa’s empathetic response underscores the importance of mutual support and understanding in a relationship. Their interaction highlights a move from old patterns of avoidance and self-criticism to a more connected and secure relationship.

Have you ever faced challenges with vulnerability in your relationship, especially as an avoidant partner? How might addressing these deep-seated feelings impact your connection with others? This episode offers insights into transforming avoidance into meaningful emotional engagement.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In this week’s episode of the Secure Love Podcast, Melissa and Drew face the ongoing challenge of truly understanding each other’s emotional states. Although the couple has acknowledged they've made tremendous progress, they still have their moments of disconnect. While Drew claims he’s happy, Melissa senses something off in his body language and expressions, stirring doubts rooted in past misunderstandings.

Ever felt like you and your partner were just not on the same page despite reassurances? Melissa’s struggle with trusting Drew’s assurances highlights a deep-seated fear of disconnect that many couples may find familiar.

The scene unfolds on a typical evening: Drew is ready to relax, scrolling through scores on his phone, while Melissa seeks a meaningful check-in. This disconnect spirals into a minor flare-up, resolved on the surface but leaving underlying issues untouched. Melissa fears pushing Drew away by expressing her needs, while Drew feels inadequate, unable to validate her and constantly fearing the loss of his bond with Melissa despite his efforts. Although uncommunicated, they both share the same fear of losing each other.

Julie steps in to help them articulate and validate their needs. But can they bridge the gap between fear and reassurance in their relationship?

How do you handle emotional discrepancies with your partner? Join Melissa and Drew as they navigate the complexities of connection and fear, seeking a path to deeper understanding and validation.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime