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Cary Harrison Files

Cary Harrison Files

By: CARY HARRISON
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 Award-winning raconteur Cary Harrison cut through the noise – revealing the murky agendas behind today's headlines through uncompromising journalism, unapologetic advocacy, independent voices and a global audience with live listener call-ins shaping the conversation.

caryharrison.substack.comAudiences United, LLC Politics & Government
Episodes
  • What Is the Monroe Doctrine

    What Is the Monroe Doctrine
    Jan 12 2026
    Disclaimer: Side effects may include laughter, anger, historical recognition, and sudden distrust of people who say “this is for your own good.” Not approved by wellness gurus, congressional committees, or anyone who believes discomfort equals virtue. Read or watch at your own risk.Year one of His Imperial Kumquat’s second act was domestic thuggery: a slow, sticky, bureaucratic mugging of the Constitution in broad daylight, with Our Leadership standing around like mall cops arguing over whose radio battery died first. Year two? Now the swagger goes international. Why settle for bullying your own institutions when you can expand the brand and start shaking down the whole hemisphere?And that’s the pitch now: Venezuela is in our “backyard,” and apparently, in Washington DC, “backyard” means you own it, like a dog that’s found a bone and is prepared to bite God Himself over possession rights. We didn’t like the guy in charge, so—poof—there goes the old postwar pretense that borders matter and war is something you do only when you’re attacked or authorized, not when you’re annoyed.Here’s the part you’re supposed to swallow without gagging: if the United States can treat another country like a misbehaving rental property, then every other strongman on Earth gets a shiny new permission slip. You don’t have to love Putin to see the sales pitch: “If Washington gets to ‘stabilize’ its neighborhood with force, why can’t I stabilize mine?” Same for Xi. Same for Netanyahu. The whole planet becomes one big HOA run by men who settle disputes by lighting your house on fire and calling it “maintenance.”Remember the post–World War II order? The one built—at least on paper—to stop exactly this kind of “might makes right” territorial bullying? It was supposed to be the great human compromise: no more empires carving up the map because they feel entitled, no more “spheres of influence” where the strong eat the weak and call it geography.Well, that order is getting replaced with something older, uglier, and much more honest: the pre–World War II model where thugs draw circles on a globe and say, “Mine.” Not a rules-based system—more like a bar fight with flags.For decades, Washington DC kept up a glossy moral cover story: democracy, alliances, freedom, humanitarian concern, soft power, that whole sermon. Sure, the sermon was frequently accompanied by coups, friendly dictators, and the occasional “misunderstanding” involving napalm, but the packaging mattered. It gave the empire a patina—thin, but shiny—enough to sell itself as a necessary force for order.Now? The mask is falling off and landing face-first in the oil.Because listen to the new gospel: “We’re going to have our very large United States oil companies go in, spend billions, fix the infrastructure, and start making money for the country.” That’s adorable. It’s the kind of sentence a pickpocket says while you’re still applauding his concern for your financial wellness. “Making money for the country” is the bedtime story. The grown-up translation is: they’ll make money for themselves, and the “country” is just the stage scenery.And once you accept that logic—once you normalize “we can run your nation because we’ve got the hardware and you’ve got the resources”—you’ve officially entered the world where tyrants thrive. It’s not democracy versus authoritarianism anymore. It’s competing protection rackets, each with its own flag, its own propaganda, and its own list of “neighbors” who’d better behave.That’s the nightmare on offer: three big blocs, three big bosses, three big excuses. One bloc under Putin’s boot, one under Xi’s, and one under Really stable genius—with assorted junior thugs playing regional assistant managers. In this model, being someone’s “neighbor” means you either comply with the neighbor’s wishes or you get “managed.” Sovereignty becomes a subscription plan: pay monthly in obedience, or enjoy the deluxe package of sanctions, destabilization, and helpful missiles.And if this sounds new, it’s only because the marketing department refreshed the logo.This is the Monroe Doctrine with a modern haircut. The original version, back in 1823, was a polite little throat-clear dressed up as moral principle: “Europe, keep your hands off the Americas.” It was charming, like a raccoon slapping a bear and declaring the forest a raccoon-only zone. James Monroe delivered it with the calm confidence of a man standing behind the British Navy and pretending it was his own muscle. Britain did the heavy lifting; America wrote the press release.The pitch was noble. The subtext was territorial. The translation was: “We’re not strong enough to police this hemisphere yet, but we’re calling dibs.” Geopolitical puberty—awkward, loud, and convinced the future owes it something.And then America grew up, found muscles, ...
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    29 mins
  • Cary Harrison's "MAGA History of the United States" [Part 3] - Circumcision to World Wars

    Cary Harrison's "MAGA History of the United States" [Part 3] - Circumcision to World Wars
    Jan 7 2026
    Disclaimer: These events are told from the viewpoint of this descendant of one of the first American families. One side came over on the Mayflower; the other to colonize for the crown, participate (on both sides) in the Revolutionary War, had Lincoln as an ancestor on one side; slavers on the other, Quakers, quaffers, and a cabal of creatives from TV, movie-making, to radio.WARNING:This book contains– Unauthorized history– Unsupervised satire– Graphic depictions of hypocrisy– Blasphemy against national myths– Improper handling of revered figures– Unlicensed moral claritySide effects may include laughter, anger, historical recognition, and sudden distrust of people who say “this is for your own good.”Not approved by wellness gurus, congressional committees, or anyone who believes discomfort equals virtue.Read at your own risk.Chapter 13a: THE CEREAL KILLER(or, How America Let a Flake-Peddling Puritan Declare War on the Human Body)Dr. Kellogg is one of my favorite American scalawags! America has always had a special weakness for lunatics who arrive wearing lab coats, wielding clipboards, and promising cleanliness. Enter Dr. John Harvey Kellogg—physician, health reformer, breakfast tyrant, and the sort of man who looked at the human body and saw original sin with plumbing.This was a man so terrified of lust that he dedicated his life to chasing it with spoons.Kellogg ran the Battle Creek Sanitarium, a health resort for the rich, anxious, and chronically guilty. Patients came seeking vitality. Kellogg offered them multiple fanny enemas, yogurt injections, electrotherapy, and lectures delivered with the warmth of a tax audit. His gospel was simple: if you felt joy in your body, something had gone terribly wrongNaturally, America listened.Because Kellogg spoke fluent authority. He was a doctor. He published papers. He wore white. And most importantly, he wrapped his personal revulsions in the language of hygiene. Sex wasn’t sinful, you see—it was unhealthy. Masturbation wasn’t normal—it was a disease. Desire wasn’t human—it was a mechanical failure.And when something malfunctions, you fix it. Preferably with medical instruments and sharp blades.Kellogg’s obsession with suppressing sexual behavior metastasized into what can only be described as a surgical tantrum. Circumcision, he declared, would solve the problem. Not as a religious rite. Not as a personal choice. But as a preventative moral appliance—like a chastity lock installed by a man who hated doors. And it was done during the time of puberty, before the advent of sterilization. So, as you can imagine, there was a lot of blood, plus, scar tissue and very little desire to ever touch oneself again, even with soap. So as a young man continued to grow, so did the scar tissue of a lousy circumcision turn his prong into a bent banana - a mangled, corkscrewed tragedy that couldn’t point straight if its life depended on it.Circumcision, in Kellogg’s mind, was not a religious rite or a medical necessity. It was a behavioral deterrent—a punitive firmware update for the body designed to make pleasure inconvenient, joy suspicious, and adolescence feel like a disciplinary hearing. He openly advocated performing it without anesthesia so the lesson would “stick.” This was not medicine. This was spite with a scalpel. Surgery as moral spanking.Kellogg reached for metal. His was not a medical practice so much as a Victorian dungeon masquerading as public health, a place where the human body arrived flawed and left traumatized.For boys and men, he devised what can only be described as genital penitentiaries—iron chastity cages fitted over the penis like a medieval apology. These contraptions were strapped, buckled, or banded into place, engineered to prevent erection, access, or any hint of optimism below the belt. Some featured internal spikes, because Kellogg believed the body learned best when pain arrived promptly and without ambiguity. A swelling penis, in his theology, was not a biological event—it was an insurrection, and insurrections were to be crushed.There were also rings—cold, unyielding metal circles clamped at the base, sometimes studded with spikes, designed to act as tripwires for nocturnal treason. The moment the body dared dream, the device bit back. This was behaviorism before Skinner, Pavlov with a wrench, a feedback loop of shame and steel. The lesson was simple: arousal equals agony. Learn it or bleed.Children, naturally, were not spared. Kellogg endorsed chastity belts for boys, smaller versions of adult restraints, justified with the calm assurance that childhood curiosity led directly to madness, weakness, and moral collapse. These belts were meant to be worn continuously. Hygiene was incidental. Psychological damage was considered a feature. The goal was not health—it was preemption.Girls and women fared no better. Kellogg recommended clitoral shields and restraints, often incorporated into ...
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    1 hr and 2 mins
  • From Cary Harrison's "MAGA History of the United States" [Part 2]:

    From Cary Harrison's "MAGA History of the United States" [Part 2]:
    Dec 29 2025
    Disclaimer: These events are told from the viewpoint of this descendant of one of the first American families. One side came over on the Mayflower; the other to colonize for the crown, participate (on both sides) in the Revolutionary War, had Lincoln as an ancestor on one side; slavers on the other, Quakers, quaffers, and a cabal of creatives from TV, movie-making to radio.Chapter 10: Founding Fathers — Enlightenment Thinkers with Slaves and SyphilisThe American Revolution didn’t just create a nation—it kicked off one of history’s most ambitious rebranding campaigns. Men like Jefferson, Washington, Franklin, Hamilton, Madison—names etched into currency and concrete—crafted a republic from scratch using Enlightenment ideals, French wine, hookers and, where necessary, a flexible definition of hypocrisy.They talked about liberty, of course. Endlessly. Liberty was the word of the day, the week, the whole century. But the liberty they spoke of was a very exclusive club—strictly gentlemen only. Membership required land, whiteness, and an aversion to paying taxes unless you were the one collecting them.Let’s begin with Thomas Jefferson, the man who penned “all men are created equal” with one hand while cradling a whip in the other. He owned over 600 enslaved people throughout his life, including Sally Hemings, a woman he legally owned and personally impregnated—several times.Enlightened? Maybe. Consensual? Less so.Jefferson was also deeply conflicted about slavery—but in the same way a man is “conflicted” about eating meat while grilling a steak. He wrote pages on the moral rot of bondage... but kept the plantation running because, well, Monticello wasn’t going to weed itself.George Washington, the general who would not be king, had wooden teeth, which were not actually wood but rather harvested from the teeth of enslaved people. He freed his slaves in his will—after he died—a final gesture of conscience best described as too little, slightly too late.And then there’s Ben Franklin, the jolly polymath who did everything from inventing bifocals to founding libraries to allegedly contracting syphilis in every available French salon. He started out owning slaves, then had a political epiphany late in life—roughly around the time it became fashionable in Philadelphia to pretend you were an abolitionist. When I was around 13, I met my grandparent’s neighbor (in Englewood Florida), Benjamin Franklin VIII. This later ancestor had the Franklin family Bible which listed in the back Pages the pounds and shillings the original Ben had earned as one of the world’s greatest “Whoremasters”, running his brothel in Philadelphia. It was around that time that I also read this astounding Founding Daddys’ autobiography which was seminal in helping me develop critical thinking skills and lofty opinions.Alexander Hamilton, Broadway’s tragic antihero, did not own slaves personally—unless you count the human beings his in-laws owned, whom he occasionally rented. A technicality, perhaps, but not exactly the stuff of moral high ground. He opposed slavery, mostly, but also opposed doing anything practical about it.James Madison, the so-called Father of the Constitution, was five foot four, owned over 100 slaves, and spent his life talking about the delicate balance between liberty and tyranny while sitting comfortably atop the heads of the enslaved.These men gathered in Philadelphia, drafted documents with florid calligraphy and righteous tone, and created a government “by the people, for the people”—so long as “the people” excluded women, Black people, Native Americans, and anyone without property. They codified freedom with such straight-faced earnestness, you’d almost forget half of them died surrounded by unpaid laborers and unpaid debts.Yet, despite all this, they built something lasting. That’s the American contradiction: the same men who drew the blueprint for democracy also nailed shut the door on half the population. And we’ve been living in that contradiction ever since—calling it freedom while debating who counts.We honor the Founding Fathers not because they were perfect—but because they were flawed and audacious.Enlightenment thinkers with plantation schedules. Syphilitic philosophers who wrote sonnets to freedom and then foreclosed on it.They were brilliant, brave, and ambitious.And yet, what they started was real. Fragile. Glorious. Hypocritical as hell (depending on who you are). But real.So here’s to the Fathers of the Nation:* Enlightened, but not fully awake.* Principled, until the mortgage came due.* And forever inscribed in history—warts, wigs, whips, and all.Chapter 10a: REVOLUTION! Tea, Tantrums, and the Guillotine(or, “How America Declared Independence and France Picked Up the Bill”)Let’s dispense with the powdered wigs and patriotic incense right up front: this was not a revolution. This was a colonial meltdown—a fiscal hissy fit...
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    58 mins
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