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In this thought-provoking first episode of 2025, David and Ruth explore how displacement-based responses to domestic violence reflect and reinforce gender double standards while often creating additional vulnerabilities for survivors and their children. Recording from the Azores, they examine how the expectation that victims must leave their homes to find safety places unfair burdens on survivors while failing to hold perpetrators accountable.

Key discussion points include:

• How displacement-based responses arose historically when women had limited legal and economic rights
• Why forcing survivors to leave their homes, financial assets, and support networks creates new vulnerabilities
• How displacement can enable post-separation coercive control and increase risks to children
• The limitations of defining "safety" only in terms of immediate physical danger or lethality
• Why systems need to expand their definition of safety to include stability, wellbeing, and survivor autonomy
• How child protection and other systems can inadvertently punish survivors who don't leave while failing to hold perpetrators accountable for creating unsafe conditions

David and Ruth discuss concrete ways to move beyond displacement-based practices, including:

• Centering survivor choice, autonomy and definitions of safety/wellbeing
• Holding perpetrators accountable for how their behavior disrupts family stability
• Creating a fuller range of intervention options beyond emergency shelter
• Reframing "failure to protect" to focus on perpetrators' choices that endanger children

Check out these related episodes
Season 5 Episode 12: Challenging the Gospel of Sacrifice: Faith, Domestic Abuse, and Institutional Transformation

Season 5 Episode 9: Partnering vs. Practicing: The Hidden Bias in Professional Crisis Work

Season 5 Episode 8: The Myth of the Domestic Violence Incident

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Visit the Safe & Together Institute website

Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses

Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events

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What if understanding power dynamics could transform the way we approach domestic abuse and trauma? Join us for this special live recording of the "Partner with a Survivor" podcast, where we invite you to explore the delicate intricacies of relationships alongside hosts David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo from the Safe and Together Institute.

Ruth, known for her "Cranky Survivor" persona, opens up about how this unique character serves as both a personal expression and a strategic response to the challenges faced by victim survivors when dealing with institutional behaviors & professional biases. Together, we navigate the critical importance of embracing survivor feedback—anger and all—while we unravel the deeply ingrained social and gender biases within professional practices.

Dive into the heart of coercive control and break down the complex layers of what is called "mutualized" violence, which we call 'acts of resistance' to a perpetrator's coercion & harm. Our conversation challenges the status quo by examining who truly holds power and control in relationships, especially in contexts riddled with bias against marginalized women. We don't shy away from the difficult but necessary task of confronting systemic issues and weaponized responses to survivor anger, urging professionals to recognize anger as a healthy and natural response to boundary violations. In this episode, we champion the importance of safe environments for survivors to express their emotions and set boundaries, particularly in the face of systemic challenges.

As we wrap up, we shift our focus to the evolving language within the Safe and Together framework. By moving away from North American-centric jargon, we aim to align with global conversations and maintain core principles through adaptable language. The episode concludes with a discussion on fostering healthy professional relationships, emphasizing collaboration across genders to ensure child and community safety.

Reflect with us on how these insights can be applied in your own life, and help us continue our mission by sharing your feedback and suggestions for future topics.

Listen to prior episodes about professionals, victim blaming, acts of resistance & power dynamics:

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-2-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-7-understanding-and-validating-survivors

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Listen to prior episodes about language, professionals, victim blaming, acts of resistance & power dynamics:

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-2-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-7-understanding-and-validating-survivors-acts-of-resistance/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-5-episode-2-womens-use-of-force-in-intimate-relationships/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-3-minisode-on-worker-safety-well-being-when-workers-have-their-own-histories-of-abuse/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-6-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/

Send us a text

What if the institutions we turn to for solace are also be the ones trapping us in cycles of harm? That's the challenging reality we confront in our latest episode featuring Reverend Geneece Goertzen, affectionately known as Rev. Gen. A survivor of domestic violence herself, Rev. Gen brings a deeply personal perspective to the table, sharing insights from her book "Taking it Seriously: A Faith Leader's Guide to Domestic Violence." Her story is not just one of survival but also of transformation, as she navigates the complex role of religious institutions in both supporting and, at times, failing their communities.

The episode takes a hard look at the concept of institutional betrayal within faith communities. Often, religious institutions prioritize their preservation over the well-being of individuals, inadvertently perpetuating abuse. We explore the cultural dynamics that contribute to this betrayal and the severe impact it has on survivors' mental health and faith. By addressing these systemic issues, we aim to uncover how these institutions can evolve to offer genuine support and protection to those in need, rather than acting as barriers to justice and healing.

Finally, Ruth, David and Rev. Gen discuss how to challenge traditional gender roles and societal norms that can exacerbate domestic violence. Together we explore what a new reality might look like: What if these same institutions could shift their focus to how a domestic abuse perpetrators' behaviors threaten their own spiritual health, the spiritual health of the family, and their religious community?

Rev. Gen provides practical advice for faith leaders on how they can be allies to victims, highlighting the importance of comprehensive education and the integration of licensed therapists into faith communities. Through this episode, we envision a path toward transformation, where love, acceptance, and support genuinely resonate within religious frameworks.

Check out these resources from Rev. Gen
Read her book "Taking it Seriously: A Faith Leader's Guide to Domestic Violence."
Vist Rev. Gen's website

Check out these related resources
The Safe & Together Institute Friends and Family Ally Guide

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Listen to prior episodes about language, professionals, victim blaming, acts of resistance & power dynamics:

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-2-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-7-understanding-and-validating-survivors-acts-of-resistance/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-5-episode-2-womens-use-of-force-in-intimate-relationships/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-3-minisode-on-worker-safety-well-being-when-workers-have-their-own-histories-of-abuse/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-6-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/

Send us a text

Unlock the secrets to supporting children affected by domestic abuse with insights from Dr. Asha Patel, CEO of Innovating Minds. In this episode, we explore innovative approaches like the Healing Together program, which integrates trauma-informed principles, neuroscience, and attachment models to help children manage their emotions. Dr. Patel shares her journey from working with high-profile offenders to founding Innovating Minds, with a mission to provide early support for children often mislabeled as "naughty" and excluded from education. Discover how digital access is pivotal for equitable scalability and the importance of training frontline practitioners to extend the program's reach.

We'll shed light on the complex challenges of providing timely support to children exposed to domestic abuse and the critical role of supportive relationships in their healing process. Misconceptions about waiting for the perfect moment to offer help are debunked, and the necessity of multiple pathways to access programs, beyond court orders, is underscored. The conversation also delves into the hurdles marginalized communities face with official systems and highlights the importance of trauma-informed and domestic abuse-informed approaches within mental health services.

Explore the profound impact of early intervention and prevention models across the UK, focusing on the integration of the Healing Together program in schools and children's homes. We examine the unique trauma children face when in contact with abusive parents and the potential for misdiagnoses. Understand the importance of recognizing trauma in the context of coercive control, beyond just physical abuse. Finally, we emphasize the power of fostering healing through mindful practices and how resilience and recovery can be significantly enhanced for both child survivors and their caregivers.

Learn more about Innovating Minds and the Healing Together programme

Related Episodes
Season 5 Episode 7: Childhood Domestic Violence Exposure is “Pivotal”: An Interview with Professor Higgins

Season 5 Episode 4: Unveiling the Impact of Domestic Violence on Children: Beyond the Myth of the Child Witness

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Listen to prior episodes about language, professionals, victim blaming, acts of resistance & power dynamics:

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-2-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-7-understanding-and-validating-survivors-acts-of-resistance/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-5-episode-2-womens-use-of-force-in-intimate-relationships/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-3-minisode-on-worker-safety-well-being-when-workers-have-their-own-histories-of-abuse/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-6-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/

Send us a text

📝 In this thought-provoking episode, we explore the nuanced intersection of father engagement and domestic abuse-informed practice with Chris Brown, President of the National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI). Our conversation examines how we can thoughtfully promote father involvement while maintaining high standards for men as parents, disrupting gender double standards and keeping the safety and long term wellbeing of children at the center.

🎯 **Key Topics:**
• The historical context behind NFI's founding and evolution of fatherhood programs
• Examining father absence through a domestic abuse-informed lens
• Balancing father engagement with survivor safety and well-being
• The importance of holding perpetrators accountable as parents
• Building community capacity to support safe, stable father involvement

💭 **Notable Quotes:**
"We need to acknowledge fathers as key caregivers while having high expectations for their behavior as parents. Supporting father involvement can't come at the expense of adult and child survivor safety." - David Mandel

"When we talk about father absence, we have to look at the whole picture - including how perpetrator patterns of coercive control contribute to family separation." - Ruth Reymundo Mandel

✨ **Key Takeaways:**
• The need to integrate domestic abuse screening and safety protocols into fatherhood programs
• How gender bias impacts our expectations of fathers vs mothers
• The importance of early intervention to develop parenting skills in boys and young men
• Strategies for practitioners to engage fathers while partnering with survivors

📚 **Resources Mentioned:**
• Safe & Together's Working with Men as Parents training
• Multiple Pathways to Harm framework
• NFI's fatherhood program resources
• Domestic abuse-informed engagement strategies

🔗 **Connect with NFI:**
[https://www.fatherhood.org/](https://www.fatherhood.org/)

🔗 **Connect with Safe & Together Institute:**
[https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/](https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/)
[https://academy.safeandtogetherinstitute.com/pages/home](https://academy.safeandtogetherinstitute.com/pages/home)

Join us next time as we continue exploring domestic abuse-informed approaches to strengthening families. Remember - meaningful father engagement must center the safety and well-being of adult & child survivors.

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Listen to prior episodes about language, professionals, victim blaming, acts of resistance & power dynamics:

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-2-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-7-understanding-and-validating-survivors-acts-of-resistance/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-5-episode-2-womens-use-of-force-in-intimate-relationships/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-3-minisode-on-worker-safety-well-being-when-workers-have-their-own-histories-of-abuse/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-6-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/

Send us a text

🔄 Transforming Professional Standards
Join us from São Miguel, Azores, Ruth's paternal ancestral home, as we challenge conventional metrics of professionalism and explore how institutional practices, mandates, best practices often reinforce dangerous barriers between professionals and survivors of domestic abuse. We examine what true Partnership looks like when we step beyond traditional professional boundaries.

📊 Measuring What Matters:
• Evaluating professional success through survivor partnership outcomes
• Identifying KPIs, practices & policies that perpetuate professional bias & poor outcomes
• Tracking meaningful engagement and Impact versus procedural compliance, top down best practices not tied to end user experience

🚫 Confronting Professional Bias:
• Recognizing when "professionalism" becomes a barrier to authentic connection
• Understanding how institutional metrics can reinforce harmful power dynamics
• Examining personal and systemic prejudices in professional practice

⚖️ Institutional Accountability:
• Creating measurements for authentic survivor engagement
• Developing metrics that value survivor voice and choice
• Establishing KPIs that promote genuine Partnering

💡 Shifting Professional Culture:
• Moving from expert-driven top-down practice to Partnering and end user impact-based practice
• Redefining success in professional-survivor relationships
• Building institutional, training and policy support for transformative practice

🎯 Action Steps for Change:
• Implementing survivor-centered performance metrics
• Developing reflection tools for professional bias
• Creating accountability systems for authentic partnership

Join our global network as we work to transform how professionals engage with survivors and measure success in domestic abuse-informed practice.

🔗 Access our professional development resources at https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/

📱 Connect with our community of practice at https://academy.safeandtogetherinstitute.com/pages/home?preview=true

#ProfessionalismRedefined #SystemsChange #Partnering #Professionalstandards #Bestpractices #SafeAndTogether

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Listen to prior episodes about language, professionals, victim blaming, acts of resistance & power dynamics:

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-2-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-7-understanding-and-validating-survivors-acts-of-resistance/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-5-episode-2-womens-use-of-force-in-intimate-relationships/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-3-minisode-on-worker-safety-well-being-when-workers-have-their-own-histories-of-abuse/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-6-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/

Send us a text

In this episode, David & Ruth speak about the Myth of the Domestic Violence Incident chapter David's recently published book: "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform The Way We Keep Children Safe From Domestic Violence."

They discuss how an isolated incident lens:

• Focuses systems interventions & professional responses on isolated acts of physical violence rather than on patterns of violence & coercive control which blinds professionals and systems to the wider dangers created to adult & child survivors by a perpetrator
• Makes it harder to see the loss of liberty and entrapment generated by the perpetrator’s pattern
• Fails to document & address the danger & harm created by nonphysical acts of abuse & removal of liberty (coercive control) such as:
  • ongoing control directed at the adult partner
  • willingness to harm children as a way to pressure and hurt their partner
  • the underlying attitudes and beliefs that entitle Perpetrator to control & violence
  • the manipulations of systems and threats or actual use of systems like family court and child protection to continue fear and control campaigns
• How the Safe & Together Model helps identify entrapment, loss liberty and impact on child, partner and family functioning to increase the awareness of professionals as to the patterns, trauma & danger created by a perpetrator
  
  
  Related Podcasts:
  
  Intro to David Mandel’s book “Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers”
  https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/podcast-interview-social-world/Want to
  
  Unveiling the Impact of Domestic Violence on Children: Beyond the Myth of the Child Witness
  
  Social World Podcast Interview with David Mandel about his new book “Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers”
  
  
  Want guided book discussions for your staff or community stakeholders?
  Check out this free book Study guide:
  
  https://share.hsforms.com/1D__YbFblQgqz8cTIgwXjvA3a1w1
  
  

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Listen to prior episodes about language, professionals, victim blaming, acts of resistance & power dynamics:

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-2-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-7-understanding-and-validating-survivors-acts-of-resistance/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-5-episode-2-womens-use-of-force-in-intimate-relationships/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-3-minisode-on-worker-safety-well-being-when-workers-have-their-own-histories-of-abuse/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-6-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/

Send us a text

The recently published groundbreaking, population-based study of child maltreatment in Australia found exposure to domestic violence is the most common form of maltreatment (39.6%). In this interview with Professor Daryl Higgins, one of the studies’ chief investigators, David and Ruth discuss the domestic violence specific results including how they intersect with other forms of maltreatments and other adverse experiences to produce health and other challenges in adults. Some of the key results discussed include:

• What was learned about childhood maltreatment, and its connection to health outcomes in adults, in this study of 8500 Australians
• How domestic violence is present in the 5 most common clusters of overlapping types of maltreatment
• How men were more likely to report smoking and cannabis use as result of childhood exposure to domestic violence
• How women were more likely to report self harm, suicide attempts and obesity as a result of childhood exposure of domestic violence
• How female and gender diverse children were more likely to experience childhood exposure to domestic violence

Read about the study: https://www.acms.au

Read more about resources and publications from the Institute of Child Protection Studies for adopting a public health approach to protecting children: https://www.acu.edu.au/icps/public-health

Other related Partnered with A Survivor episodes

Season 5 Episode 5: A Trauma History is Not An Excuse for Acting Abusively

Season 5 Episode 4: Unveiling The Impact Of Domestic Violence On Children: Beyond The Myth Of The Child Witness

Season 4 Episode 10: Ensuring The Voice Of The Child Is Heard, And Child’s Best Interests Are Considered In Domestic Abuse Cases

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Listen to prior episodes about language, professionals, victim blaming, acts of resistance & power dynamics:

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-2-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-7-understanding-and-validating-survivors-acts-of-resistance/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-5-episode-2-womens-use-of-force-in-intimate-relationships/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-3-minisode-on-worker-safety-well-being-when-workers-have-their-own-histories-of-abuse/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/episode-6-partnered-with-a-survivor-podcast/