This week on Page 7, MJ confirms to King Lord Holden and Jackie that Golden Bachelorette always opens on sad weeping men, Jackie thanks those who recommended the upcoming "Later Daters", MJ and Holden defend themselves against the lies spread about them regarding Sea Shanties, Holden threatens to X-POZE Jackie on not feelin' Thanksgiving this year and attempt to fix it, Jackie will be offering her account ohnoitsjackie up to the Ban Gods on twitch to host this years Macy's Parade stream (6am pst/9am est!) cause of Holdens strike for the Oscars stream and MJ will be droppin' by, so it's that time of year to get 3 RumChunkas deep before lunch! Holden speaks to having a very sad day to have a birthday much like the former 3rd host of P7, Martha Stewart want's to have a different documentary made (despite the fact everyone seems to love this one), and channels her documentary rage into takin' down Miss Piggy in a fit of icy anger, Chicken Shop Date also did a very sweet and entertaining Muppets episode with Elmo, Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo seem like they are so done with the Wicked press tour and can't be excited for Part II's rollout next year, and Dax Shepard isn't helping with his questions like "HOW DO YOU WIPE YOUR ASS?". In Celebrity Conspiracy Corner: Is Lorde Actually A Bird? Part II, and on The List: times costars working relationships were so fraught that they reportedly did not want to appear on camera together, Blindz, and SHOUT OUTZ!

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This week on Talkin' TV "Golden Bachelorette" is wrapping up, much like the lives of the sadness goblins on the show BUT WILL WE GET THE TELEVIZED WEDDING!? Jackie continues the transition out of 31 for 31, Holden's making Mean Girl-esque plans to sabotage the group of 'California Dads' at Wynnie's school so he's no longer the "fat" one, MJ brings dark news of the Chuck E Cheese near them droppin' booze of the menu, Jackie had a true kino filmic experience with M Night's "OLD" and surely will one day recover from another Shyamalanian twist, Holden and MJ report back their thoughts on "Deadpool & Wolverine"! Jackie is all caught up on "House of Villains" till the new episode drops, and Holden is ready for more NEW YORK after finishing his "Flavor of Love 2" watch along on Twitch! MJ and Jackie hear the call to return to "Real Housewives of Salt Lake City" but aren't sure they want to answer to call. Holden is the only one still workin' on "Agatha All Along", but everyone can agree it's amazing, plus Jackie gives a brief review of "Heretic" from the theatre and more!!!

Golden Bachelorette - Hulu

Old - Peacock

Deadpool and Wolverine - Disney+

House of Villains Season 2 - Peacock

Agatha All Along - Disney+

Heretic - IN THE THEATAHHHHHHHH

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This week Jackie lets MJ and Holden know no one can break her stride, despite the fact that People Magazine thinks it's 2007 by making John Krasinski the Sexist Man Alive, Holden gives a brief rundown of Noor Alfallah and her habit of bonin' men so old they could turn to dust at any moment, Jackie decided to spread the sadness of the Golden Bachelorette far and wide by forcing everyone to read an article about how lonely seniors are now, Mariah has to listen to her own music to bang, and Carey is on her Christmas tour and her kids are intermission performers, so it's a fully Careymerssive event! There was a Dev Patel lookalike contest, but he didn't show up like thimethee did, Jackie has begun the ritual and crafted her first Turkey dinner of the season, Mattel's Wicked doll boxes have a WICKEDLY SALACIOUS PRINTING ERROR, plus much like the musical also feature a lot of girl girl action, and Jackie's gettin' pumped for the real Wicked movie while Holden's itching to see it with a nona, any nona! Ariana Grande is trying to save the Tower of Terror in Orlando and it's swaying Jackie, but Holden REFUSES TO BOW TO HER despite Jackie having inside word she's super nice, which brings us to a COUNTERPOINT CELEBRITY CONSPIRACY CORNER - YES JACKIE, ARIANA IS STILL EVIL plus a list of times celebrities volunteered information that we really really did not need to know, Blindz and SHOUT OUTSSSSS!

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This Week on Talkin' TV, Jackie and MJ almost derail everything by tryin' to talk books, including the book on which Six Schizophrenic Brothers was based, but Holden brings it back to the screen with his review of Eli Roth's "Thanksgiving" and then it comes back to the 1993 Pauly Shore classic "Son In Law" as all paths in life do. Jackie makes a plea to the fans for some Christmas horror movie recommendations, and gives her thumbs up to "Emperor's New Groove" after not seeing it during her rebellious teen years. Max brings the dark takes of Florida nationwide with "It's Florida, Man" which gives a hilarious and horrifying visual reminder of how stupid people truly are, Jackie finally watched the movie "Bad Trip" and enjoyed it far more than she expected despite her hatred of pranks, Holden chunkin' up the new Olivia Rodrigo: GUTS World Tour and is watching a baseball documentary, which instantly makes Jackie audibly upset, unless it's the one about Dock Ellis pitching a 0 hitter on acid. MJ admits they owe Martha Stewart an apology after watching "Maratha", Jackie finished Penguin and having no Bats convinces the Bat-Burnt out Holden to give Penguin a chance, Jackie goes back to Taskmaster and Taskmaster Jr, plus this week of Talkin' TV wraps up with a journey back into the crypt of sadness known as the Golden Bachelorette!

Thanksgiving - Netflix

Emperor's New Groove - Disney+

It's Florida, Man - Max

Bad Trip - Netflix

The Comeback: 2004 Boston Red Sox - Netflix

No No: A Dockumentary - Peacock

Martha - Netflix

Penguin - Max

Taskmaster Series 17- Youtube, Channel 1

Junior Taskmaster - Youtube, Channel 1

Golden Bachelorette - Hulu

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This week on Page 7 Holden, Jackie, and MJ discuss Jackie gettin' eyeboned by an Uber driver blasting "Wasn't Me" while in Vegas, where she saw the magical warlock Mr. Piffles and his arcane master Piff The Magic Dragon while sippin' on a liquid headache, MJ Kicks off tales of Heidi Klum Halloweens past and Halloween present including her and Janelle Monáe both wearing E.T. costumes this year, while Jackie talks of the several breakdowns on her path to transforming into an amazing Greta Gremlin! MJ warns Holden against the dangers of metal straws and children, as Holden channels his hatred of endangered turtles and love of disposable straws into art. Mariah Carey, freed from her ice tomb beneath the surface of the moon, claims "It's time" and has begun to attempt to spread a virulent strain of holiday cheer via Mariah's Holiday Bar in five major US cities (which sadly for Jackie and Holden does not include LA), and Raffi, the man who brought us "Banana Phone" is on the search for love and MJ pleads not to be too vulgar about Raffi as he is a sexless being transcendent of light. Plus Campbells Soup is makin' savory candles and Jackie may fall prey to a stuffing scented candle while also making a plan to become a snackfluencer via a livestreamed Holden torture session on the next LPN Funhouse! In Celebrity Conspiracy Corner: Why Must Beyonce Always Be Thanked?!?! Big thanks to Queen Bey btw, then over on the LIST; Actors that had to dye their hair or change their appearance in order to get the roles they actually wanted! The Blindz and SHOUTS!

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Once again MJ, Jackie, and Holden unite in despair as the energy vampire created sadness experiment known as Golden Bachelorette opens up this weeks episode with a sobbing man (again) to get us all in the saddest of moods now that 31 for 31 has ended and the annual crack has appeared in the ice that encases Mariah 'The Great Turkey Eater' Carey til the beginning of the Christmas season thus causing all of us to forget about THANKGIVING, Jackie heads off to the Boiling Isles to take in the magic of THE OWL HOUSE, and speakin' of witches Holden, Jackie, and MJ give an update on their Agatha All Along progress and there is BLOOD ON THE HANDS OF LOVE IS BLIND like not literally but OOO BOI IT'S A SLOPPY SLOPPITY MESS of a reunion episode. And keepin' with drama, Holden keeps headin' into the House of Villains, plus he also finally sat down with some steak and wine to enjoy 'Beetlejuice Beetlejuice' to meh reception, despite still being better than the last few Tim Burton films. Jackie can't find a place to watch the new Martha doc for free, but she's seen plenty of the fallout, and to fully end 31 for 31 Jackie ends her horror movie marathonin' with Anora!

Golden Bachelorette - Hulu

The Owl House - Disney+

Agatha All Along - Disney+

Love is Blind Season 7 - Netflix

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice - Youtube

Love is Blind Season 7 - Netflix

Martha - Netflix

Anora - IN THE THEAHTAHHHHHH

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This week on Page 7 Jackie's beltin' to MJ and Holden the totally not dated Destiny Child's song "Bug a Boo" that's been stuck in their head, Holden went with networks own editor Rob and the coulrophobia riddled Jake Young (WizBru and THE FLOOR) to see blood drenched evil demon clown led Terrifier 3, and Jackie's trying out some Fidget Puddy, aka SLIME! Jackie's true Halloween nightmare came to life with MISSING HOT DOGS at Costco and Knott's Scary Farms. Timothée Chalamet lookalike competition in Washington Square Park and attracts more than just admirers and it's THE POLICE, as well as possibly births an upcoming Jeremy Allen White lookalike competition, and a comment from MJ which leads to some Rat Boy vs Weasel Man discourse. Tom FishFucker Cruise is trending and THEY'RE TRYING TO ERASE PAGE 7 FROM BEING THE TRUE WHISTLEBLOWERS!! Jackie's chompin' at the wishbone for that Turkey Time as November approaches, Mariah Carey gets told NOT YET in her get out and vote promo, Stevie Nicks gave an amazing interview to Rolling Stone in which she told Katy Perry to STAY OFF THE INTERNET while giving Chappell Roan a warning to not burn themselves out early due that INSANE schedule. Speaking of Chappell, they called out that photographer AGAIN, this time at Olivia Rodrigo's movie premiere, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner: Are Vin Diesel and The Rock Secret Agents (But NOT Lovers)?!?! On The List - Celebrities who say they've lived in real haunted houses and it's got MJ asking some questions, Blindz and MOOOORE ON THIS HAUNTING HALLOWEeEeeEEeEEeEN!!!

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This week on Talkin' TV Jackie kicks things off with some terrifying tales of the grave from Golden Bachelorette, while Holden comes with a plan to cull all the parents of Golden Bachelorette contestants to avoid them dying during an episode and make it even more depressing somehow, Jackie finally got to see Orville Peck making her and MJ Peckin' cousins, everyone on Love is Blind continues to be a moron and we'll soon get an update on the insane drama in the upcoming reunion episode, MJ is getting spooky with Midsommar and Children of the Koᴙn plus Holden and Jackie's hype for Terrifier has MJ interested but all that sloppy slimy gore has 'em apprehensive! What We Do In The Shadows returns for a final crepe season, Nosferatu is arriving this xmas and looks amazing, and MJ is taking the kids through classic Treehouse of Horror episodes, Jackie gives out some cheers and jeers, plus even more!

Golden Bachelorette - Hulu

Love is Blind Season 7 - Netflix

Midsommar - Max

Children of the Corn - AMC+

Terrifier 3 - IN THE THEATAHHHHHH

What We Do In The Shadows - Hulu

Treehouse of Horror - Disney+

Tourist Trap - Peacock

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