Let go of it all and LIVE.
The past is dead. When you live your life in regret or mourning you invite dead spirits into your life. Focus on God's lesson instead of the devil's poison. YOUR future doesn't exist. The future is always in God's hands because you can only see where you are and where you wish to end up. Your future is constantly changing based on your current actions and when you follow your vision and align your self-talk and habits with the wisdom and knowledge you stand on deep inside, it ultimately lines up with God's plan.
If I'm being honest, I rarely if not ever wish for serious trials or traumatic events in the future, but it's those moments that inevitably lead to my evolution, growth and success. God knows our thoughts and can discern our entire path while we can only see our feet. No matter what... the storms will come. All we can be sure of is if we willingly choose to focus on giving 100% effort on the present and walk according to God's path everyday, we will be ready when the storm arises. Regret is poison leading to death & lessons is God leading you to success.
You hesitate and can't let go, but it is truly the devil you fear. That is why you need belief. Meaning, whether i rise or fall, I will keep God near.
Love you Cousin.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."