I recently watched the film, It Ends With Us, based on the wildly popular novel by Colleen Hoover. Despite the controversy over the film's romcom adjacent marketing campaign the story is about intimate partner violence (IPV) and the evolution of an abusive relationship.

While I enjoyed the film, it made me curious about the true statistics of abusive relationships, what the scientific literature says about those impacted most and if there are specific personality types who are more or less prone to entering such relationships. I was also curious how often men are affected by IPV and where they might go to seek help.

Enter Dr. Don Dutton.

Don has a Ph.D. in Psychology from the University of Toronto and is currently a Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of British Columbia.

He spent fifteen years providing therapy for court-mandated men convicted of wife assault and developed a psychological model for perpetrators of intimate abuse.

He has published over 100 papers and five books, including The Domestic Assault of Women (1995), The Batterer: A Psychological Profile(1995) and The Abusive Personality (2002).

Dutton has frequently served as an expert witness in criminal and civil trials involving domestic abuse and family violence, including his work for the prosecution in the O.J. Simpson trial (1995).

If you'd like to reach out to Don, you can find his email and contact form on the website below:

Website: htttp://www.drdondutton.com

KNOW MORE KNOW LESS PODCAST:

For other platforms:

Listen here: Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/know-more-know-less/id1652659219

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2fxCXp5AlfajmcTgvSWSGl?si=87be920940534299

For full episodes and clips: https://youtu.be/0BTHHY4SvNE

I recently talked to a friend about the hit show, White Lotus. Season 2 was particularly juicy and we focused on if one of the couples could ever repair their relationship after a potential betrayal. That convo went in so many directions I decided to speak with an expert about betrayal and forgiveness.

Enter Dr. Bruce Chalmers Dr. Chalmer is a psychologist who has been working with couples for over thirty years. Through his teaching, consulting, and books, his ideas have helped thousands of couples and their therapists. Together with his wife Judy, Dr. Chalmer hosts the podcast “Couples Therapy in Seven Words.”

He is the author of three books:
Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again

It is Not About Communication. Why everything you know about couples therapy is wrong

Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Couples Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back

In today's episode, we discuss:
--Understanding a partner's reluctance to go to therapy is crucial.
--Success in therapy is not solely defined by couples staying together.
--Most relationship problems are rooted in deeper emotional issues, not just communication.
--Forgiveness is an internal process that can lead to emotional healing.
--Trust must be rebuilt by both partners after betrayal.
--Therapy can be likened to improv, requiring adaptability and openness.
--Acceptance of reality is essential for personal growth and healing.
--Forgiving oneself is the first step in the forgiveness process.
--Recognizing that both partners are doing their best can foster understanding.

KNOW MORE KNOW LESS PODCAST:

For other platforms:

Listen here: Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/know-more-know-less/id1652659219

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2fxCXp5AlfajmcTgvSWSGl?si=87be920940534299

For full episodes and clips:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN4wkMATGEXMTU4Xrw-YZTA

Living inside as many different cities and cultures as I have, I think I've seen every relationship permutation there is. And what I've learned is that there is no right or wrong when it comes to love. There's only what's right and wrong for each couple, and usually even that changes over time. Confusing? You bet!

So I've decided to speak to someone who lives outside of society's black and white monogamy culture and found a lifestyle that works best for her and her husband.

Lauren Hayes is relationship coach specializing in supporting ethically non-monogamous (ENM) couples, including swingers and the ENM-curious.

She is trained in both life and relationship coaching, she helps couples navigate and engage the swinging and non-monogamous community in the healthiest of ways.

Lauren believes that non-monogamous relationships share the same foundations of any healthy relationship, however, they need to operate at a higher level of health to accommodate the additional complexities. Her approach aims to help couples build their ideal relationship, regardless of how many others it includes. She also brings personal experience to her coaching having been married for 19+ years and ENM (swingers) for the last 5+ years.

Lauren offers coaching and practical advice grounded in her own life as well as professional training - she goes by Swinging Lifestyle Coach and her website is SwingingLifestyleCoach.com.

Takeaways

• Non-monogamous relationships require a higher level of communication.
• Self-awareness is essential for navigating non-monogamy.
• Ethical non-monogamy is not better or worse than monogamy; it's an option.
• Many misconceptions exist about non-monogamous relationships.
• Commitment should be to the relationship, not just the person.
• Emotional sovereignty is crucial for healthy relationships.
• Couples can benefit from regular check-ins about their relationship satisfaction.
• Exploring non-monogamy can enhance intimacy and connection.
• Accountability in relationships can lead to personal growth.
• Creating your own life is key to happiness.
  
  

KNOW MORE KNOW LESS PODCAST:

For other platforms:

Listen here:

Apple:
https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/know-more-know-less/id1652659219

Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/show/2fxCXp5AlfajmcTgvSWSGl?si=87be920940534299

For full episodes and clips:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN4wkMATGEXMTU4Xrw-YZTA