Do you find yourself putting other people’s needs ahead of your own? Struggle to set boundaries? Feel responsible for keeping the peace even when it costs you your authenticity?

In this episode, gay therapist Michael Pezzullo joins Michael to go deeper into the roots of people pleasing—especially why so many gay men fall into this pattern. We’ll explore how people pleasing shows up in everyday life, why it’s so hard to stop, and how the fear of conflict and rejection keeps us from showing up fully in our relationships.

We’ll also discuss:

• How to recognize when you’re people pleasing (and why it’s not the same as being kind)
• The impact people pleasing has on your self-confidence and relationships
• Why gay men are especially prone to it
• How to handle the fear of disappointing others
• What you can do to finally break the cycle

If you’re ready to stop performing for approval and start living with more authenticity, this episode is for you.

Today's Guest: Michael Pezzullo

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Today's Host: Michael DiIorio

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- CONNECT WITH US -

• Watch podcast episodes on YouTube
• Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community
• Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls
• Follow us on Instagram | TikTok
• Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com

- LEARN WITH US -

• Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others.
• Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame.
• Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series.
• Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.

Many gay men struggle with saying no, setting boundaries, or engaging in difficult conversations due to deep-seated people-pleasing tendencies and fear of conflict. But staying silent often leads to resentment, burnout, or feeling disconnected from your true self.

As recovering people-pleasers themselves, Matt and Michael have plenty to share about their own journeys toward becoming more assertive in their boundaries.

In this episode, we dive into:

• The difference between people-pleasing, healthy compromise, and values-based choices
• Practical strategies to speak up with confidence and authenticity
• How to set boundaries and say no without guilt or fear

If you’ve ever found yourself saying “yes” when you really meant “no” or avoiding confrontation at the cost of your own needs, this conversation is for you!

Today's Hosts:

• Michael DiIorio
• Matt Landsiedel

Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes

- CONNECT WITH US -

• Watch podcast episodes on YouTube
• Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community
• Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls
• Follow us on Instagram | TikTok
• Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com

- LEARN WITH US -

• Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others.
• Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame.
• Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series.
• Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.

In this episode, Matt speaks with Psychotherapist, Merle Yost, about how shame may influence sexual desire and arousal by eroticizing shame as a way of coping with it. Merle shares his story about being sexually molested by his father and the impact this had on his sexual development. Join us for this interesting topic that is often not talked about but deeply impacts many of us.

The concepts and questions we explore in this episode are:

• What does it mean to eroticize shame?
• How do shame and desire become intertwined?
• What is dissociation, and how can someone overcome it?
• Why is there so much sexual compulsivity in the gay community?
• What are some common ways people turn shame into pleasure in BDSM, kink, or other erotic practices?
• How can someone safely explore these dynamics without reinforcing negative self-perceptions?
• Can eroticizing shame be a healing experience? If so, how?
• How can someone tell if they are using this exploration in a healthy or unhealthy way?

Today's Guest: Merle Yost

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Today's Host: Matt Landsiedel

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• Instagram
• TikTok

Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes

- CONNECT WITH US -

• Watch podcast episodes on YouTube
• Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community
• Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls
• Follow us on Instagram | TikTok
• Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com

- LEARN WITH US -

• Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others.
• Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame.
• Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series.
• Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.