Our kids have all types of feelings and emotions, and they may not yet know how to process those feelings and regulate their emotions. This can result in temper tantrums, yelling, crying, stealing, and expressing a wide array of behaviors that tend to drive us crazy as parents.
So what is our children's bad behavior REALLY trying to tell us? When kids act out, they are telling us that they have deep and strong emotions. They need to be heard; they need to have their feelings acknowledged and validated. They need us, as parents, to remain calm and in control, because when we are calm and in control, we make them feel safe. We need to be present for our children in a loving way, even when we set boundaries for them. We can let them know that they are not able to do something, while at the same time showing then compassion and empathy.
Emunah Steier, a psychiatrist, therapist, and mother of 3, who is passionate about family communication, shares the following tips for parents:
1. We need to cultivate our consciousness that our kids are innately good; they are precious, holy souls that were hand picked specifically for us to parent. We don't always know what is going on inside of them that causes them to behave a certain way, and we need to connect with them to open a dialogue so that they can share their thoughts and feelings with us.
2. We need to let our children know that ALL feelings are ok. Certain behaviors are not ok, but all feelings are acceptable.
3. When our children do something to trigger us, we need to realize that it's not really them who is triggering us; it's something that already exists within us that is being triggered. We then need to take some time to sit with ourselves and explore what it is inside of us that we need to address and heal.
Throughout our conversation, Emunah shares many examples and relatable personal stories that show how we can address 'bad' behavior with our good kids, while judging them favorably.
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