TRIGGER WARNING: It’s taken 2 years for me to activate my voice on this matter but with the recent media events of a famous comedian, it’s opened the door for me to stand in my power and talk out about my own experiences of sexual assault. In doing so I hope that more women will feel stronger to speak out of their experiences, and even more importantly that any men listening will get a reminder that this behaviour is not okay. If this will trigger you then you may choose to skip the episode, or feel safety in knowing that you are not alone.

I’m a feminist but that doesn't mean I dislike men - in fact the very opposite is true. But most countries and cultures are inadvertently governed by the patriarchy, either historically or currently, and only in recent years have women gained more rights for equality and to activate their voice and power, but this hasn’t been as rapid and is by no means equal. Hence why I’m a feminist; for equality of power and rights.

As a woman it’s super hard for us to find our voice after abuse and sexual assault, although with the #metoo movement and the furore after a British police officer sexually assaulted and murdered a member of the public that he was employed to protect, there have been some changes. I’ve had experiences with the police where they’ve not effectively, or empathetically, listened to my allegations and I wanted to speak out after my last experience ended up in me NOT going to the police. As women, we don’t talk about our encounters due to the shame, the guilt, and the potential assumptions that people will make as well as the reliving and the extension of the trauma. I’ve had 5 sexual boundary violations throughout my life (I say 5 as the more serious but of course cat calling, slapping your bum and just general maltreatment of me as a woman will account for way more than 5 times). I’ll also talk about relationships and encounters with dark triads, sexual predators and misogynists and how this can hold us in a trauma bond whilst they demean us and break us down with their bad behaviour and unscrupulous ways.

This is why boundaries and self agency are so important. Because, way back when, I didn’t have any. Not that boundaries stop a sexual predator, but they do potentially move you a little out of harm's way. It took a cancer diagnosis to make me sit up and listen to my nervous system and its people pleasing tendencies that had developed over years in the trauma response. I developed acute symptoms of PTSD (after my experience in 2021) and I’ve since done work on this and identified why I was a possible target (attachment type, ADHD, empath, self esteem, people pleaser, lack of boundaries). EMDR has helped me massively.

**Disclaimer - none of this was my fault/is your fault. I’m just explaining why I might have been easy prey after the perpetrators sussed me out. So be your own bodyguard and get yourself some boundaries.**

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Much love!

Gen xoxo

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