Why do some people hear about opportunities before you do? * Are they that much smarter than you? * Are they liked more than you?* Are they better than you?Before you get angry with me, let me say it’s probably none of the above. When this happens, it’s usually because: * More people know who they are. * More people see their work. * People think about them. But why are more people thinking of them more often? Well, the answer lies in a lesson about how memory works. The big “neural network” of your personal connections behaves much like the smaller neural network in our brains. Two things are at work: * Long-term potentiation* The Priming EffectPeople who are receiving more consideration and opportunities are lighting up and frequently strengthening connections between nodes in their network. Let me be nerdy for a minute and remind you of the neuroscience you probably learned in high school. Long-term potentiation Long-term potentiation boosts neural pathways to facilitate the transmission of signals and the creation of long-term memories. This occurs when more activity between neurons boosts neurotransmitter production, increases receptor formation, and builds stronger synaptic connections. Yes, that is a simplified explanation, so don’t come at me if you’re a neuroscientist. 🤣 A low-frequency event triggers a weak response (e.g., posting something once in a while that someone rarely sees in their feed). This may create a short-term memory for someone, but it won’t result in a long-term memory. For example, they’ll briefly wonder what you’ve been up to but get on with the rest of their day and forget what you posted by tomorrow. However, when high-frequency events trigger a stronger response, it changes how the memory is formed. This can happen when you consistently post content or reconnect with someone over Zoom, coffee, or lunch. In other words, someone will remember you, what you do, and what you’re seeking for a longer period of time. Several months later, they will think of you when a relevant opportunity presents itself.So, at the individual level, interacting more frequently and deeply with the people in your network can lead to stronger memories of you. You are triggering changes in their brains. What’s kind of cool and exciting—if you’re a nerd like me—is what then happens at a higher level across the broader network of people. You can think of each person as a neuron within a human web of connections that behaves like a neural network. You are more strongly connected to some people than others. The intensity of that connection matters, of course. You have a deeper bond with your close friends and family than with your coworkers (I hope!). The frequency of interaction affects the connections, too. You will forge a stronger relationship with people you work with every day vs. an old college roommate you haven’t talked with in over 20 years. Stimulating activity in one person (e.g., mentioning that you’re looking for a new job during a coffee chat with a friend) can pass that information through their network to more nodes (i.e., people). The more frequently people are thinking and talking about you, the more often your name will come up when exciting opportunities arise. For example, Susan tells Bob that she’s struggling to find a great design manager for her team. Bob says, “Oh really? I know a talented manager who might be looking for a role like that. Let me send you their LinkedIn profile and tell me what you think. I can make an introduction later if you like.”The more you interact with people, the more powerful your network becomes. Relationships grow stronger and more valuable. More people light up in that web of connections, and those people have their own networks that now link to yours. Conversely, when you let your network connections go stale, people forget about you. I know this can happen when you’re busy with work and life. But it has an undesirable impact on your career and future potential. You will not be in the consideration set when someone is looking for:* Someone to hire into their organization. * A person to recommend for a friend’s new role.* A speaker for an event or panel. * A partner to help them with a workshop.* A service provider for a potential client. This might be upsetting, but you can’t really blame anyone. We are all busy with hectic lives at work and at home. If you haven’t been doing anything to stay fresh and relevant in someone’s mind, it’s no wonder they remember someone else who has been keeping more active. If you want people to think about you, periodically strengthen connections with folks in your existing network. Make a list of folks to reach out to every week and month. Schedule a bit of time to make sure it happens. Be authentic and make a genuine effort to reconnect. Don’t be that person who only reaches out when you need a favor. Don’t lead with, “Hey good buddy, how ya doing? I’m ...
