John Travolta is an angel who swears and smokes cigarettes and eats a lot of sugar and is the desire of every woman on the planet except for Andie MacDowell, who is too busy hiding her shameful secret about how she babysits dogs. This is a super weird, super goofy movie from the 90s that was much, much easier to watch than any movie Ryan has ever picked for us.

In a sense, this is the Citizen Kane of bad Christian movies. Also the world is going to end about forty years ago.

What better way to start the new year off than with the latest and greatest from Donald James Parker? This week we watched Pickleball Princess, which turned out not to be a religious movie, except in the sense that pickkeball seems to be Donald's new religion. Pickleball is basically the Messiah in this movie. It can cure racism and build bridges, but it also has a deadly side.

Jesus' diner has closed for business, so now he's vacationing in Thailand and making new friends. You know what that means - it's the hit sequel to The Encounter, only this time, Jesus is taken hostage. David A. R. White is here too, as the world's worst policeman, but he's tied to a chair for most of the movie. Thankfully, Jesus can break the tension by revealing everyone's deepest darkest secrets without their permission. He's also going to explain why tsunamis happen. There's a few gunfights in this movie, but Jesus doesn't participate in those. It's not like he can stop bullets... OR CAN HE? Maybe, but either way he won't.

Kids these days, they're 29 and have major social media followings, am I right? Thankfully some parents out there still know how to raise their kids right, by waiting until their birthday, leaving the country, cutting them off, and forcing them into a life of poverty and homelessness until they can learn how to put God first. Dan, Alexa, and Ryan learn that what really matters in life is not money or fame, but networking. Featuring a special guest appearance by Stanley the Snake.

In which Ryan continues the saga of Harry Potter, very continuingly.

It's all very simple: Satan drives a semi-trailer truck, which he uses to kill a lady so that her infant daughter Sheri can someday grow up and be diagnosed with a terminal illness that leads her to become a Pentecostal superhero. With her newfound powers, Sheri stops middle-aged high school bullies, hypnotizes TV executives, and shuts down whole movie productions. And Satan hates it! So he sniffs her and her dad a lot, and watches her dance. Then, in a climactic showdown, Sheri tells a church not to watch scary movies. Satan just sort of disappears after that, we're not really sure why. But then, in a major plot twist, the real villain turns out to be God all along. Folks, it's the Christian classic C Me Dance. The C is for "chaos."

A faith-based movie with F bombs! And murder! And angels that seem to be slacking off on their job of stopping terrible things from happening. This week, Dan, Alexa, and Ryan watch their first R-rated faith-based film, which comes with an important lesson about forgiveness. Or something. There's also a murder mystery that goes nowhere, a detective who does nothing, and a woman who knows everything that happens in heaven but still can't clearly explain anything. Don't worry though: behind this inspirational message about faith and grief, there's an underlying message about how to get rich. Because you were born rich, and you have the power within to unlock your sales potential and form better client relationships. Even Jesus couldn't have seen that coming.