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"Maybe we need a new thing. When Abby contradicts herself you drink. When NOTHING makes any sort of sense now you drink as well. You will be hammered." While Christi might be setting some of you up for alcohol poisoning with that one, It's undeniably true that things at the ALDC are starting to fray at the seams and Abby is becoming increasingly incomprehensible as "Abby Got Served" gets underway.

Abby is served Paige's lawsuit, throwing the ALDC into a panic. Abby gathers the team off-camera to discuss how to handle the situation. The crew in-turn tries to make the most of the situation. Without Christi and Kelly present to fuel drama, the show can just focus on Paige's lawsuit until Abby finds actual drama elsewhere! Speaking of drama: Kalani's reintroduction to the team is off to a rocky start as she shows up late for her first day back. Does she get shouted at for such a blunder? Of course not! Instead she is rewarded with Top of the Pyramid. The moms are rightfully upset by the unfair double standards, but worry upsetting Abby at this moment will only make things worse for themselves. Though with a questionable Orange is the New Black inspired group number, how much worse can it really get?

Abby insists the girls receive new headshots for LA. Though time for the photoshoot is limited, Abby instructs the photographer to prioritize Kalani and the Zieglers as they're the only ones "who are going to get jobs". Jill overhears this and it only worsens the mom's frustrations with their new direction. Why are they going to LA if they're just going to continue to be jostled around by Abby's whims? Abby does begrudgingly allow more time for the girls who got short changed by the situation but the stress of the photoshoot, LA move, and lawsuit are all starting to pile up.

Quotes

• “I'm sitting there thinking to myself, 'Oh my god my daughter is teaching me how to read.' Like this is pretty sad!'" (03:24-03:31 | Kelly)
• “When I did my Instagram post where I told everybody that I had been diagnosed later in my life with ADHD, somebody wrote on the comments: Yeah I could have told you that after the first episode of Dance Moms. You and Kelly both!" (04:20-04:31 | Christi)
• “I got some exciting news! Is it a dead bird?" (12:32-12:365| Christi & Kelly)
• “I don't think there's anything pretty about a prop." (42:09-42:11 | Christi)

Links

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"God forbid we support each other," says Christi, and on the second half of the Season 5 premiere it's hard not to miss the heydays when the moms at least had each other to lean on. Now that Abby has to attend court to deal with Paige's lawsuit, everyone at the ALDC is scrambling in a panic over what might happen. Things start to get dicier when the ALDC discovers Christi is also attending the trial to support Kelly.

The moms are upset with what they see as an attempt by Christi to try and bring down the TV show itself, though if any of them had reached out before the show's taping maybe they could have cleared the air and understood that she just wanted out of her contract. But regardless of that, Abby certainly was never going to be so generous with her reading of the situation and goes on a full offensive against both Christi and Kelly. Abby's frustrations begins to bleed over into her normal routine as she starts berating even Maddie and Mackenzie for their posture. For Christi it's perhaps one of the most shocking things she's ever seen on the show, the vibes at the ALDC are certainly shifting.

Abby finds solace at Sheer Talent, which back her claims of being attacked and hands the ALDC some victories she does have a stake in it after all). It's a great early season showing from the team despite some very substandard dances. Kalani is even forced to wear heels for her number, something originally meant to be a hurdle for Chloe, but pulls it all together for the most points out of the whole team. Though the circus themed Freak Show group number leaves a lot to be desired, it still manages to put the team back ontop.

Quotes

• “You don't even have to drink because she's wearing a headband, drink because she's not wearing ALDC merch!" (21:36-21:40 | Christi)
• “Oh my god you know I can't win or lose. If I don't retweet it then I'm not your friend, but if I do retweet it I'm against everyone else. So whatever." (25:19-25:29 | Kelly)
• “Across the street from the courthouse there was a bagel truck that I got the best bagel I've ever had that I still think about once a month. I can go back to court you know and we can get another bagel!" (35:22-35:36 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Mrs. Miller was like 85 and had cancer. I hardly think the negativity of the ALDC killed Mrs. Miller, but OK." (41:33-41:40 | Christi)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

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"Oh god you guys. I hope next week we're back to fun, cause we're just mad!" exclaims Christi and if you needed any indication how serious the situation is, we only managed to cover the first half of "99 Problems but a Mom Ain't One" on this episode. Two hours of recording and there was just so much behind the scenes drama, so many painful memories and so much tea to dish out that one episode simply couldn't contain it all. Christi and Kelly knew it would be rough, but knowing is only half the battle.

Season 5 kicks off with Pyramid, and Christi and Chloe are nowhere to be found at the ALDC (shocking I know). Abby starts to push the narrative that if Christi simply would apologize for her "behavior" then all of this drama could have been avoided (sure Jan) and the moms vocalize their annoyance with Christi, claiming she's being selfish and putting her needs above everyone else. The real problem for Production is their entire planned storyline for the Season has to be scrapped on the spot and they must quickly find a new angle to set up the season's story arcs.

Abby invites Kalani back to fill the gap in the team left behind by Chloe. Holly steps-up to help Nia prep for he solo, taking over Christi's potential LA-based storyline. And with no Christi to target, the Zeglers start to take some heat from Abby in her absence.

Quotes

• “I would like to speak to the manager whoever said when Season 5 starts we''re gonna have a lot more fun. This episodes... that's why I'm drinking." (04:47-04:56 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Oh my god, the subliminal messaging is out of control." (34:33-34:35 | Christi)
• “The song is written and recorded y the daughter of one of Abby's friends, so Abby expects her to do it justice. Oh, that's so funny that I say that because I actually wrote I HATE THIS SONG! I didn't know that when I wrote the song!" (50:32-50:46 | Christi)
• “I'm glad I didn't go back, I would have been arrested. You should've, we could have been twinies!" (51:17-51:23 | Christi & Kelly)

Links

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"We always get s**t on but I would like a thank you because we did some hard heavy lifting. So how about a thank you? I would also like to not be crazy, but you know it's fine." Well Christi we can't help but love the crazy, it's part of the complete package!

Season 4 was a rough run for Bitch #1 and Bitch #2, so before we move onto Season 5 next week we wanted to take a breather and answer some of your questions you asked us over on our Patreon! Questions include: Which mom had it hardest? Who was the funniest off-camera mom? And were they paid when they weren't on camera?

And most importantly Christi tries (and fails) to explain 67 to Kelly!

Quotes

• “I don't know if any of us [moms] truly take accountability for a lot of our actions." (02:43-02:49 | Christi)
• “I'm very aggravated that you put that on social media about my body count. Oh my god Kelly, we got more new subscribers and patrons from that than any post we've ever made in our lives. " (08:47-09:01 | Christi & Kelly)
• “I think sometimes the opportunities Chloe got ended up being to her detriment because the show would give the opportunities and then that would piss Abby off." (25:16-25:26 | Christi)
• “Paige is in the episode. I don't know if she was paid. My god they could have spared the $1.50!" (29:38-29:45 | Christi and Kelly)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

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"This is the Season 4 pre-Reunion. They just look for new ways to torment us at all times."

What's up Bitchettes! Before we get the ball rolling on Season 5 we thought it would be fun to leave no stone unturned and revisit Season's 4 lost episode, "Guess Who's Coming to the Dance" aka the second Season 3 reunion? Yes this episode technically aired as as part of Season 4, but it's ostensibly just another reunion where the only new things we discussed were the revelations from the previous reunion. Did production just need a refresher for the audience, or do they just really hate the moms that much?

Well at the very least it's another episode with both Christi and Kelly present, and you we won't be seeing much of them for a while!

So join us as we look back at a time when there was still hope for the future. Perhaps hope is a strong word, but they didn't know how bad things could possibly get.

Quotes

• “I'm very humbled, thank you for that." (23:16-23:18 | Christi)
• “You sent in a blurry picture to audition for a TV show! Hey, they hired me didn't they? They did hire you. They liked my meaness. they liked your blur." (24:15-24:26 | Christi & Kelly)
• “The more I sit back and think about it, and this is a lot to unpack, I think I wanted Abby's approval." (24:45-24:53 | Christi)
• “So now Jill changes the subject from Melissa's dick. Thank god!" (1:10:44-1:10:50 | Christi and Kelly)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

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"The last episode we did was really heavy, and this one is not going to be easy for me. It is for me!" jokes Kelly, but for Christi it really is one last rough plunge. While Kelly gets to sit out the Season 4 Reunion "Playing Favorites", Christi wasn't so lucky. At least she didn't have to go first this time! But it is officially Christi's last episode until Season 7, so there's a lot to unpack.

Jeff Collins is back and as frustrating as ever, backing Abby up whenever possible and changing the subject if it looks like things might get dicey. Special attention is given to Maddie on this recap since she's still riding high off the success of Chandelier, and her second Sia video is in the process of being prepped. But the moms take issue with Melissa's backhanded dealings to get Maddie ahead, even at the cost of Mackenzie. But Melissa can't admit she might be wrong as she's only looking out for her own kids, despite the fact that all the moms would stick their neck out for each other's child.

Holly takes Abby to task for how she treats Nia and her odious teaching methods. Meanwhile the Select team airs their grievances over what they see as a lack of good choreography when it comes to standing a chance competitions, realizing finally what the OG moms had warned them about.

Quotes

• “Can I borrow your get your finger out of my face dress? For what, Halloween?!? No, and not my wig either. OH MY GOD, I forgot you had a wig. Kelly let me borrow both! No! I hate you!" (17:18-17:34 | Christi & Kelly)
• “I thought that [whiteboard] experiment would have opened Abby's eyes a little bit. No. Kelly she has her eyes slammed shut. She has them glued with E6000 and she's wearing a sleep mask. She doesn't want her eyes open." (39:39-39:56 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Last week when Abby said that about [Chloe's] eye, they did not write that in the field notes. They're protecting her even in field notes." (43:55-44:01 | Christi)
• “The moms on the original team argued with each other, but we never got physical. Ok except for me and Leslie, but that doens't count because it wasn't someone on the team. " (1:15:14-1:15:09 | Christi and Kelly)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

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"I was the Supervising Producer. That was my official title, but I was also unofficially Abby Lee Miller's rodeo clown."

Kelly is going be taking a break this week, so in her place we have Replacement Bitch #2: Erin! Erin was a Supervising Producer on Season 4 of Dance Moms and if you thought Annie had some piping hot tea, Erin's has a lot more to spill. As one of her primary duties was interviewing Abby for the show, Erin found herself on the receiving end of Abby's ire on more than a few occasions. So what are Erin's spicy-Abby takes, and how did she go about getting what she wanted out of Abby? Tune-in to find out!

Quotes

• “I walked in and Patience is like, 'Oh, is this the new girl?' And I'm like oh hi, I just got here. And she's like, 'Welcome to Hell.'" (07:27-07:36 | Erin)
• “Oh no! Not the 'call my mom first'!" (15:07-15:10 | Christi)
• “Somebody feed this bitch a burger! Because you're mean and I'm trying to be funny with you, but you're hungry." (40:03-40:09 | Christi)
• “If you guys shot, after Abby went to jail, a jailhouse dance would have been incredible." (46:14-46:20 | Erin)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

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"I went old school today. I will be drinking heavily during this episode, because I watched it and I have a lot to say," laments Christi as she does have quite a bit to say about what really went down on her last day as a member of the ALDC.

"Hollywood Here We Come Part 2" sees Cathy follow through on her promise to rub it in Abby's face that the Candy Apples will be performing to Chandelier. Unfortunately for Cathy (who clearly is already uncomfortable with the production forcing her to do so), everyone finds this more annoying than devastating. It's a disservice to her own team to be seen trying to cash in on Maddie's moment, a fact Melissa drives home by getting Maddie to perform a bit of the actual music video dance for the crowd in order to steal candy apple's thunder.

Meanwhile, Abby is more determined than ever to try and embarrass Chloe, from sabotaging the choreography to praising Kamryn for the same things Chloe always gets scolded for. So you can imagine when the judges decide to favor Chloe over Kamryn, Abby's mood sowers very quickly. Things come to a head when Abby starts dishing out some truly outrageous insults that almost trick Christi into recreating Kelly's infamous fight. So what held her back? Tune-in for all the secrets to finally be revealed!

Quotes

• “I don't need my eyes to listen to you say stupid things." (42:32-42:35 | Christi)
• “This is weird. This is so bizarre, like who is coming up with this s**t? Can I please produce? Put me up in the booth! " (52:32-52:36 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Obviously Abby went to a tanning booth the day before this competition. Oh my god she was like orange! Yes with that orange lipstick! It was so bad. And she says the word 'hhhuuuuugggeee' all the time? All I was thinking is there is another reality star who is orange and says that a lot and I've never seen them in the same room together. So could they be the same person!? " (1:23:43-1:24:04 | Christi)
• “I'm hoping Back to the Barre can get funny again. Cause it used to be funny and maybe now that we're not going through torture we can jsut mock it?" (1:42:11-1:42:20 | Christi)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

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