November's theme is communication. November is Communication Month worldwide, so we want to discuss Nonviolent Communication (NVC).

First of all, Becky and Kristen are excited about Thanksgiving with family around.

About NVC: there are so many resources online for NVC and around the world to learn how to increase your nonviolent communication skills.

This is a fascinating concept that is also a life-long pursuit. Marshall Rosenberg is the creator of Nonviolent Communication. NVC is a way of communicating that leads us to give from the heart.

Words in and of themselves can be "violent" and can wound others. So, this a great way to express yourself more clearly, to be heard, and then to be able to her the other person is saying.

One of the purposes of NVC is to be able to hear our own needs and those of others. There is no way you can hear another person if you can't hear yourself first.

This is because if we take something personally and think they are criticizing us, it will make us react emotionally and feel defensive so we are not hearing what the other one is truly saying.

There are four components of NVC:

Observation

Feelings

Needs

Request

In the Observation stage, it's important not to evaluate or judge or making assumptions about others and yourself. Have compassion for yourself first.

In the Feelings stage, stop denying responsibility for your feelings. "You made me mad!" "She made me crazy!" Instead, say, "I feel..." and to further it: "I feel...because..." Express your vulnerability to resolve conflicts.

When you explain how you feel, use a feeling word instead of making it into a thought.

In the Needs Stage, we need to acknowledge our needs behind our feelings. Judgments and criticisms are just expressions of our own needs and values.

When you are criticizing someone, you alienate yourself from the actual need that is behind that criticism. You are simply projecting your needs and pain from the unmet needs onto the other person.

You have four options when someone criticizes you:

1. You can take it personally and blame yourself just as they have done.
2. You can blame someone else.
3. Shine the light of consciousness on our own feelings and needs.
4. Shine the light of consciousness on the other person's feelings and needs as they are currently expressed.

This means that when someone is upset, you have to be very secure in your feelings and needs to be able to put it all aside in order to make them feel validated and heard so they can calm down so you can connect with them.

In the Request stage, we want to make sure it's very clear so the other person understands and also that it is not a demand.

Just ask for what you need, and all they can say is no. People want to meet our needs, but often they don't know how because we are not specific enough.

This was a little overview of NVC. We really hope you enjoyed this episode!

Credit: Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD