We welcome back to the program Judy Arnall, who we heard a few days ago talking on the topic of unschooling, a radical departure from the so-called "traditional" model of educating children.

Well, I ended up having a lot of questions for Judy regarding parenting. I'm a parent myself and am often beset with questions as to what is the "correct" course of action in childrearing.

It turns out Judy has written a number of books on the topic of what she calls "non-punitive parenting." A couple titles are:

• Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring responsible children, without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery
• Parenting With Patience: Turn Frustration Into Connection With 3 Easy Steps

So I asked Judy if she would be game for a "round 2" for the podcast, she readily agreed. And as I began reading her thoughts on punishing our children, a few questions came to my mind I would want to ask her. Such as:

-What's the difference between punishment and discipline?

-What are the most common objections to the non-punitive parenting concept?

-Are these objections made with good intentions albeit misguided?

-Why do you say it is unhealthy to praise a child?

-How much adjustment did you need to make in your parenting vs. how you were raised?

-What is the motivation for parents who punish their children? Is it rooted in pride? Shame? A desire to conform with the crowd?

-How do parents bribe their children? And what are healthier ways of giving them what they want?

-How can parents promote a healthy environment while laying down and enforcing house rules?

-Don't you see it as problematic to teach children that there are no consequences for their actions when they'll be living in such a punitive society?

-What are ways for parents to express frustration with their oftentimes belligerent children without allowing their anger to get the best of them?

Well I was able to ask all these questions of Judy in our second go around, and she didn't disappoint. If you're a parent and struggling with whether or not "punishing" your children with time-outs, grounding, spanking, etc. are going to have long-term effects on your relationship with them, this episode is for you!

In this discussion with Judy, you'll discover:

-The "aha" moment that led to Judy's philosophy on non-punitive parenting...02:15

-The need to model self-control in moments of anger...06:30

-Why we should be very careful with how much we praise our children for every little thing...12:30

-Psychological motivations for parents to punish their children, particularly in public...15:15

-The difference between discipline and punishment...18:35

-Why the parents should be the ones taking a timeout when the kids act up...21:40

-How to establish ground rules in the home without creating an overly permissive environment in the home...24:00

-How we bribe our children to get them what we want them to do...30:15

-The paradox of non-punitive parenting in a highly punitive and litigious world in which we live...35:00

-Long-term social effects of betraying the love relationship with our children by punishing them...38:00

-And much more!

Resources mentioned:

Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring responsible children, without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery