The State of Affairs cover art

The State of Affairs

Rethinking Infidelity

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The State of Affairs

By: Esther Perel
Narrated by: Esther Perel
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About this listen

Iconic couples' therapist and best-selling author Esther Perel returns with a provocative look at relationships through the lens of infidelity, providing the insight we so desperately need to help us move beyond a simplistic discussion.

An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so, too, have the prohibitions against it - in fact adultery has a tenacity that marriage can only envy. And yet this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honoured taboo - universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat? When we say 'infidelity', what exactly do we mean? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage?

Psychotherapist Esther Perel is recognised as one of the most insightful and original voices on modern love. For the past 10 years, she has worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she argues, but healing is possible. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage - with the same person. With the right approach, couples can learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Weaving real-life stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis, Perel invites listeners into a truly revealing exploration of modern marriage.

©2017 Esther Perel (P)2017 HarperCollins Publishers
Marriage & Long-Term Partnerships Personal Success Infidelity Marriage

Critic Reviews

"Beautiful. A brilliantly intelligent plea for complexity, understanding, and - as always - kindness." (Alain de Botton)
"Esther Perel does nothing short of strip us of our deepest biases, remind us of our purpose in connecting as lovers, and save relationships that might otherwise sink into the sea-all with even-handed wisdom, fresh morality, and wise prose. Thank heavens for this woman." (Lena Dunham, author of Not That Kind of Girl)

What listeners say about The State of Affairs

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No Holds Barred

As a therapist and as person in relationship, this book is a wonderful challenge and an education in the way to re think our views on the way in which we relate in intimacy.

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The Potential to save your relationship

As a middle age man in a 20 year happy marriage, I'm amazed at how well the author articulates feelings I have, but have never understood myself. The book is full of excellent real life stories that you can relate to.

Everyone in a relationship or about to enter a new one should read this.

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Revolution of relationships

Very good insight into the nature of relationships and the modern evolution of the relationship between partners and the desire for others.

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Intriguing

Engaging, insightful. Intelligent and logical without advocation.Calming.A great resource for understanding the complexities and causes of betrayal.

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A true proffessional in their field.

Esther really has all the experience to back up all of her claims she has put into her book. It is an eye opening book that really breaks down the walls of affairs. The way she delves into all aspects of cheating and how all parties get affected is something you will struggle to find anywhere else in the world.

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Excellent

This book is so good it’s going immediately in to my re-read/listen pile. Insightful, inclusive, beautifully written, exceptionally researched, empathetic, compassionate, and engaging.

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I loved every chapter.

It allowed me to think about and question and reflect to every aspect of my current and past relationships. It always kept me engaged, opened my eyes as well as gave a sense of lightness inside because of all the possibilities that a relationship can be, without being forced and conformed into what we grow up thinking and being told.

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Esther just gets better

I was fearful of this journey, I'm glad it was you who led me through it.

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An incredible guide through a difficult time

Very insightful, I felt like my world was being analysed and treated from a far.

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Fascinating look at infidelity

I like Esther Perel a lot and although nothing here is groundbreaking, her expertise and non-judgmental viewpoint make for an interesting look at infidelity from a sexual, cultural and psychological perspective.

The case studies are varied with examples from straight, gay and polyamorous relationships.

All in all a fascinating and necessary look at infidelity and why it’s here to stay...

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