Ground breaking work

Support to people who have been abused or mistreated by parents or carers tends to focus on forgiveness which is often a hidden way to allow the abuse to continue. Alice Miller shows how the adult child accepts the role of the ‘good’ and ‘compliant’ child and continues to meet his or her parents’ expectations at the detriment of his or her own well-being and health. The anger at the abuse is not given a voice, the reconciliation is not genuine and is only another form of compliance. Repression of legitimate anger is not forgiveness. This is important knowledge for any with complex PTSD and therapists.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

Foundational work

A great approach to trauma. I wish there were more works available by Alice Miller on Audible.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

Honest challenges

Open examples with the writers own experience! Further validation of my own truma, I recommend this book to all healing centres & groups interested in knowing oneself! ,referring from Dr K, Matea, wisdom of truma !🥰🌹thank u Alice Millar .

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

Controversial

A controversial book, putting forward a thought that opens the mind to other ideas, that could change your perspective

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

A interesting look into child abuse and the affects at can last

This book has some important insights into the world of the pain that most of us have been through in our early upbringing. Alice Miller does not hold back from what she would call child abuse. It can be at times hard to listen to, as the book brought back memories and feeling of the pain and shame suffered at the hands of my mother. I most enjoy listening to other people stories in the book and how some over come the shame work while it sad to others continue to down a path of suffering that outlasted their parents.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

3 people found this helpful

Super insightfull. A must read by all!

This book allows the listener/reader to step into a new perspective of the self and parenting styles and break the mold of our problems that would usually hold us back.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

2 people found this helpful

Life Changing

This book has changed my life for the better. If you have ever struggled with how to understand your parents and any guilt from them, you MUST read this book. Even the small insidious guilt trips or communication styles from parents are described by the book and will help you understand how they have impacted you. Sometimes it seems that the examples are very extreme and un-relatable but they are all a part of the massive picture of hurtful parenting. The book will give you strength to face your past and present relationship with your parents and how to handle them in a healthier way. You will feel immediately more happy and free.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

Unhelpful, but alludes to conceptual treatments.

I have read many phychoanalysis books in the hundreds, and listened out for a word signpost here, that finally came Chapters 20,22.

This book content reads in a very anxious manner, even on 70 speed. Not a calming Self-help book.
Blaming and shaming "UNCONCIOUS PARENTING" and the honouring thy parents is not the root of the issue - which goes further back.
How about knowing your own mother was belted endlessly in a closet and not allowed to cry.
The terror - causes the split, no surprise there.
Or, her father being a prisoner of war, desensitised to cruelty.
Imagine - being compassionate once you earn or learn your way back to sanity. The parents, and grandparents feel just the same as you do.
Deep shame, humiliation worthlessness etc.
Conscious awareness might save them. too.

Agree - 'witnessing', or self re-integration of the fragnented split-Self is the right track.

Other streams psychology point out, the Mind cannot have opposing thought to any belief.
Love and Hate simultaneously.
The negative stuff that exists unconciously needs to be brought into the light. Yes. But to cross to the side of hating parents is not wellness either. With compassion is forgiveness.

The narrator did the writing juctice but the reader won't find appropriate treatment from an Author who comes across in dire need of trancedance of personal resentment.

Moving on, I put together some references to self treatment towards re-integration. Which were- Miller's word signpost reccomendations that should provide relief and mental wellness.

I disagree with Miller understanding of the value of the relationship with the parents - apart from entitlement to estrangement. The under appreciated value being, understanding of intergenerational violence and more importantly, what ELSE (beliefs) has been inadvertently, subconciously passed on to the child.

Without further ado, my calming book reccomendatons to assist in Witnessing and re-integration of the fragmented egoic self:

Re: Re-integration of the split Self

Psycology of Self Esteem - Nathaniel Brandon (Do the work :-)

Re: Pro-Parent Relationship for the Benefit of Re-integration of Subsconcious beliefs
It Didn't Start With You
Mark Wolynn

Re: Conscious Awareness (Body and Mind)
Learning to Love Yourself, Gay Hendricks

Re: Concious Awareness (Self Witnessing Mind & Body)
The Power Of Now
Eckhart Tolle (Non secular)

Re: Concious Awareness (Self Witnessing Mind & Body)
Pema Chodron (Many Titles, beginner - advanced

Re: Concious Awareness (Self Witnessing Mind & Body)
Advice Not Given - And other titles
Mark Epstein

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

3 people found this helpful

Disappointed, Unfortunately

My therapist recommended this book. I have tried listening to it more times than I can count - I always lose focus and drift off in thought. It's an incredibly hard listen and I can't quite put my finger on why. Something about the narrator's cadence or the odd audio quality? The fact the Author doesn't explain what the 4th commandment is; when she references it right in the beginning? She assumes all readers know what the biblical commandments are. I don't think religious concepts be referenced repeatedly in a book about trauma, psychological or scientific literature unless that literature is examining religion specifically. Much preferred The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk & When The Body Says No by Dr Gabor Maté.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!