Are you the child of a narcissist? You are likely to be an over-achiever and over-worker, and underneath you might be covering up a sense of inadequacy or of feeling like an imposter. You may well find it hard to speak up in meetings. A boss or colleague may bully you.

You may have a controlling partner, or a needy partner you have to care for. You try hard to please all the time, and feel that you can never get things right. You are quite shy and find it hard to connect with others; you worry about “upsetting people”.

You may have a bad back, or stiff, painful hips or knees. You may have a stomach or bowel disorder which gets worse when you are anxious. You may well comfort yourself with food or alcohol, or may like to lose yourself in TV or books.

Narcissistic parenting is very damaging and insidious. The parenting is always about the parent and never about the child, never about you. You learn to function, but with many defenses, and often hyper-alert to criticism. This prevents you from living a relaxed joyful life. You become super competent, always able to cope and to please others. In your relationships, this makes you a constant people pleaser, very co-dependent, or else super independent or counter-dependent.

My message to you is that you were always okay. It was always about them. You could never please them so you always felt wrong. Your task is to learn to understand, to learn to protect yourself, and to move into freedom and joy.

This book is all about narcissistic parenting – yours, mine, and other people’s. Use it to learn about it, work on your recovery, and move on to live a full and happy life.

Alan Chatting has been teaching and learning personal development for 40 years. He has been a teacher, trainer, psychotherapist, mediator, and coach.