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Promises, Promises
- A Romp with Plenty of Dykes, a Unicorn, an Ogre, an Oracle, a Quest, a Princess, and True Love with a Happily Ever After
- Narrated by: Kitty Hendrix
- Length: 7 hrs and 14 mins
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Promises, Promises
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Publisher's Summary
A talking pearl earring. A gleaming white unicorn. A flower from an ogre.
Sandy Blunt, a witch, has big dreams but C-average magic skills. Her only noteworthy talent is for paying extravagant compliments to women. Trouble is, when she uses that gift, she unwittingly foretells the future for a pretty princess. And, the punishment for prophesying about one of royal blood is death...
With the help of ill-assorted companions - including a self-proclaimed princess in disguise, a self-absorbed member of the royal guard, and the not-so-average girl next door - Sandy has a year and a day to travel to far-flung places, collecting the weird and magical items needed to turn her prophecies into promises and evade the executioner. Along the way, she encounters such dangerous creatures as a dragon who writes awful poetry, slovenly elves, and boarding house landladies.