I'd Like to Play Alone, Please cover art

I'd Like to Play Alone, Please

Essays

Preview

Try Premium Plus free
1 credit a month to buy any audiobook in our entire collection.
Access to thousands of additional audiobooks and Originals from the Plus Catalogue.
Member-only deals & discounts.
Auto-renews at $16.45/mo after 30 days. Cancel anytime.

I'd Like to Play Alone, Please

By: Tom Segura
Narrated by: Tom Segura
Try Premium Plus free

$16.45 per month after 30 days. Cancel anytime.

Buy Now for $21.99

Buy Now for $21.99

Confirm Purchase
Pay using voucher balance (if applicable) then card ending in
By confirming your purchase, you agree to Audible's Conditions Of Use and Privacy Notice and authorise Audible to charge your designated credit card or another available credit card on file.
Cancel

About this listen

From a massively successful stand-up comedian and co-host of chart-topping podcasts “2 Bears 1 Cave” and “Your Mom’s House,” hilarious real-life stories of parenting, celebrity encounters, youthful mistakes, misanthropy, and so much more.

Tom Segura is known for his twisted takes and irreverent comedic voice. But after a few years of crazy tours and churning out podcasts weekly, all while parenting two young children, he desperately needs a second to himself. It’s not that he hates his friends and family — he’s not a monster — he’s just beat, which is why his son’s (ruthless) first full sentence, “I’d like to play alone, please,” has since become his mantra.

In this collection of stories, Tom combines his signature curmudgeonly humor with a revealing look at some of the ridiculous situations that shaped him and the ludicrous characters who always seem to seek him out. The stories feature hilarious anecdotes about Tom's time on the road, including some surreal encounters with celebrities at airports; his unfiltered South American family; the trials and tribulations of parenting young children with bizarrely morbid interests; and, perhaps most memorably, experiences with his dad who, like any good Baby Boomer father, loves to talk about his bowel movements and share graphic Vietnam stories at inappropriate moments. All of this is enough to make anyone want some peace and quiet.

I’D LIKE TO PLAY ALONE, PLEASE will have listeners laughing out loud and nodding in agreement with Segura's message: in a world where everyone is increasingly insane, sometimes you just need to be alone.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2022 Tom Segura (P)2022 Grand Central Publishing
Entertainment & Celebrities Performing Arts Celebrity Funny Witty Inspiring

What listeners say about I'd Like to Play Alone, Please

Average Customer Ratings
Overall
  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    534
  • 4 Stars
    38
  • 3 Stars
    13
  • 2 Stars
    3
  • 1 Stars
    5
Performance
  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    505
  • 4 Stars
    16
  • 3 Stars
    5
  • 2 Stars
    2
  • 1 Stars
    4
Story
  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    471
  • 4 Stars
    38
  • 3 Stars
    10
  • 2 Stars
    7
  • 1 Stars
    5

Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

5/5 Jeans!

This book was high and tight from the start to the finish. It’s funny, touching (my camera through the fence), nostalgic and genuinely authentic to Tom. I binged it as soon as I could. I love that Tom reads it himself.

Top dog would be so proud. 5/5 jeans, homie. 👖👖👖👖👖
Can’t wait to see you in Australia in 2023!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Hilarious, try it out.

Tom is funny as always and easy to listen to, the hours peeled by with this audiobook, loved it, wish there was more!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Fantastic listen

A great insight into the inner working of tommy buns don't worry I'll be coming up in may

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Amazing !

What a book! Tom gives us what we want; laughs, honesty about being a parent, losing a loved one and how to keep it high and tight! This was a joy to listen to; to hear the sincerity and joy in Toms voice was refreshing. Thanks mommy

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

what a fucking legend

if you don't listen to this, your life will amount to nothing. For real, like legit

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Very funny

Great story teller and his inability to hold it together made us laugh even more 😆

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

beautifully delivered/constructed

This is by far my new favourite book. It's flawlessly read by the man himself, Tom Segura. With every sound effect or near perfect impression, I couldn't be more impressed with his delivery, there's reading a book and there's experiencing a book. This book is for sure an experience, and well worth the the listen/read.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Try it out

Free audible. Free trial and everything else man. Here's the deal man. Men from jail, homeless or um, if you're a thug, you wanna listen to it listen to it. Your friend can listen too man. Free audiobooks, you get first month free. Read me. Listen to me, I'm home here now. If you want to listen with me and you wanna come over today and try it out, try it out man. If you're in my building. Try it out. Serious replies only. Just listen with me. I'm looking for hardcore readers and mean it and wanna do it and I want it delivered. I'm a hot white trash reader, let's whispersync."

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Loved it

Huge fan of Tom Segura and this book had me engrossed from the first chapter, smashed it out in one day and absolutely loved it. Couldn’t recommend it enough, give it a crack.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Incredible

This audiobook is probably the best book I have ever listened to. The production quality is fantastic and at the same high quality that you can expect from YMH. The little comedic quips had me in tears laughing, to the point where I probably shouldn’t have been behind the wheel of a car.
I will be recommending this to everyone I can

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

In the spirit of reconciliation, Audible acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.