How to Win a Million Dollars is a madcap, self-deprecating, laugh-out-loud, mostly true misadventure that takes readers on an adventure through the wildly inventive, sometimes-questionable, but always entertaining schemes of a boy who would do anything to make it big.

Growing up as a gay Catholic schoolboy in a tiny Mississippi River town surrounded by cornfields, Luke’s imagination was constantly set on fire by million-dollar daydreams and DIY hustles. Whether it was hunting down the missing Cap’n Crunch or gaming McDonald’s Monopoly, no scheme was too ridiculous, no shortcut too far-fetched. With his trusty Hustler bike and a mountain of determination, Luke didn’t just dream—he plotted.

As Luke grew up, so did the schemes—evolving into a real-life Broadway Cinderella story (dirty hands and all), a stint as an artist in Paris, and even facing a curse from a vengeful Hawaiian goddess. Along the way, heartbreak lands him in a temple in Laos, a moment sets him on a path of self-reflection, transforming his chase for success into a journey of self-discovery.

With razor-sharp wit and heartfelt vulnerability, How to Win a Million Dollars explores the glittering highs and crushing lows of chasing the American Dream, in a world shaped by Reaganomics, dyslexia, and the crumbling façade of opportunity. From paperboy scams to going for broke in the App Store before an experimental spin with AI, it asks the profound question: Where do we end, and where does AI begin? This story is proof that while everything can fall apart at any moment, the journey—chaotic, messy, and wildly imperfect—is the real prize. And maybe, just maybe, there’s still a million-dollar dream out there, waiting to be won.