Try free for 30 days

Preview
  • How to Be a Footballer

  • By: Peter Crouch
  • Narrated by: Peter Crouch
  • Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins
  • 4.8 out of 5 stars (116 ratings)

1 credit a month to buy any audiobook in our entire collection.
Access to thousands of additional audiobooks and Originals from the Plus Catalogue.
Member-only deals & discounts.
Auto-renews at $16.45/mo after 30 days. Cancel anytime.

How to Be a Footballer

By: Peter Crouch
Narrated by: Peter Crouch
Try Premium Plus free

$16.45 per month after 30 days. Cancel anytime.

Buy Now for $21.99

Buy Now for $21.99

Pay using voucher balance (if applicable) then card ending in
By confirming your purchase, you agree to Audible's Conditions Of Use and Privacy Notice and authorise Audible to charge your designated credit card or another available credit card on file.

Publisher's Summary

**A Sunday Times Sports Book of the Year**

**Shortlisted for the National Book Awards**

**Longlisted for the Telegraph Sports Book Awards Autobiography of the Year**

You become a footballer because you love football. And then you are a footballer, and you're suddenly in the strangest, most baffling world of all. A world where one team-mate comes to training in a bright red suit with matching top-hat, cane and glasses, without any actual glass in them, and another has so many sports cars they forget they have left a Porsche at the train station. Even when their surname is incorporated in the registration plate.

So walk with me into the dressing-room, to find out which players refuse to touch a football before a game, to discover why a load of millionaires never have any shower-gel, and to hear what Cristiano Ronaldo says when he looks at himself in the mirror.

We will go into post-match interviews, make fools of ourselves on social media and try to ensure that we never again pay £250 for a haircut that should have cost a tenner. We'll be coached and cajoled by Harry Redknapp, upset Rafa Benitez and be soothed by the sound of an accordion played by Sven-Goran Eriksson's assistant Tord Grip. There will be some very bad music and some very bad decisions.

I am Peter Crouch. This is How To Be A Footballer. Shall we?

©2018 Peter Crouch (P)2018 Penguin Audio

Critic Reviews

'Very funny on almost every page, wonderfully self-deprecating and very sharp on the ludicrous behaviour of the modern player' - Sunday Times

'The funniest man in British sport' - Metro

What listeners say about How to Be a Footballer

Average Customer Ratings
Overall
  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    95
  • 4 Stars
    17
  • 3 Stars
    3
  • 2 Stars
    1
  • 1 Stars
    0
Performance
  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    83
  • 4 Stars
    15
  • 3 Stars
    2
  • 2 Stars
    1
  • 1 Stars
    0
Story
  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    83
  • 4 Stars
    15
  • 3 Stars
    4
  • 2 Stars
    0
  • 1 Stars
    0

Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

good light hearted read

a good insight into the inner lives of footballers. something us fans cannot really see just by watching and followong the game.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Brilliant

Such a smart funny account for football lovers or people around football lovers. Peter is personable and honest. Thanks

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

Peter is a great story teller. Amazing insight

Worth reading even if you didn't support any of the club's he played for

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

great book

Really enjoyed this book a great look in to the behind the scenes world of professional football. a great story told by a great player!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Funny in-sight to the profession

Crouch is one of my favourite players, he's also a great story teller and narrator.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Crouchy's Done it Again

Came here from the excellent Peter Crouch Podcast. So pleased Peter narrated,thoroughly enjoyed every minute. Back stronger!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

An awesome insight and a great book.

I enjoyed this book as it gives great insight in the world of professional soccer, well structured and very entertaining. It took me some time to get the British accent but a couple of minutes in and the words is flowing.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

He

Football hg gf fun r just writing random words to fill gc go hj jg

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Written & read by an old fashioned football legend!

Is there anybody in the football world who doesn’t like Peter Crouch? He’s a footballing gentleman and every football fan on the planet should listen to and enjoy this book. His stories of old and opinions of the modern game keep you engrossed and I’m sure like me, every listener would love an opportunity to have a beer with the man to hear more. Thanks for sharing Crouchy! (I mean.... Uch!)

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

"Amazing"

I loved listening to this book, it helped me understand the life of a footballer and what it is like on the pitch. The sound quality is amazing and I recommend buying this book if you are into football or even if you just want something to listen to.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

In the spirit of reconciliation, Audible acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.