Fingers Crossed cover art

Fingers Crossed

How Music Saved Me From Success

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Fingers Crossed

By: Miki Berenyi
Narrated by: Miki Berenyi, Mark Gardener
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About this listen

Includes an original song written by Miki exclusively for the audio edition and an exclusive Q&A with 'Ride' singer & guitarist Mark Gardener.

Formed in 1988, Lush were part of the London gig scene during one of the most vibrant and creative periods in UK music. Now, Miki Berenyi tells all.

The audiobook begins with her childhood of extremes. From the bohemian lifestyle of her father's social circle to the privileged glamour of her mother's acting career, Miki's young life was a blur of travel, celebrities and private schooling. But frequent relocation, parental neglect and the dark presence of her abusive grandmother resulted in crippling shyness, mental-health issues and a vulnerability to exploitation. The route out of this hole was music—a passion shared by schoolmate Emma Anderson. The teenagers began attending gigs together and would eventually go on to form Lush.

Peppered with anecdotes involving a cast of hundreds (including Blur, Sean Connery, Tracey Emin, Pearl Jam and the Red Hot Chili Peppers), this uncompromising autobiography documents Lush's thrilling rise, dispiriting fall and subsequent bounceback, reliving the tours, recording sessions and problematic managers they experienced along the way. But at the heart of the book are Miki's own battles: the conflict between her mouthy public persona and her thin-skinned private identity; the trials of being a woman in an infuriatingly male world; the struggle to find a middle ground between safe indie obscurity and sellout international success. The memoir also explores Miki's complex relationship with Emma—one that has fluctuated between camaraderie and rivalry over the years—and addresses the most devastating tragedy of all: the suicide of her soulmate, Lush drummer Chris Acland.

Told through frank confession, wry humour and emotional honesty, this is the incredible tale of a trailblazing woman and a seminal band.

©2022 Miki Berenyi (P)2022 Bonnier Books UK
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Unflinching account of the 90's Indie music scene

The sound quality of this audiobook is superb and Miki narrates it herself in her broad London accent. I was into the band Lush when they released their first EP in 1990, but this book is not just for fans of the shoegaze genre, or ex-pat Brits who remember the music scene in London in the early nineties.

The first half describes the highs and lows of growing up in London with parents more interested in their own careers (her Japanese mum was in a James Bond film and Space:1999), and leaving her to be looked after by an abusive, unhinged Hungarian Grandmother. Music provided the escape.

The second half describes the forming of the band, early gigs, touring at Lollapalooza in 1992 (bizarrely, if you are familiar with the Lush sound, on the main stage with Ministry and Ice Cube), and charts the negative rise and influence of Britpop until the band breakup in tragic circumstances in 1996. It's an honest account that's sure to have raised some feathers.

The Q+A with Mark Gardener (Ride) at the end was like two old mates chatting down the pub and a great added extra. Uncompromising, and at times funny, hers is a story that makes for a great audiobook.

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Best Music autobiography I’ve heard in a LONG time.

A book in two halves, a fascinating half on Miki’s wayward and unusual upbringing before an engaging cherry picking of the highs and lows of being the figurehead of Lush. Great insight into the toxicity of Britpop and the lad culture of the nineties; the struggles of managing band life and managing an eclectic lovelife. This is what a Music autobiography should be like.

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Fascinating biography

Normally I read these biographies and can’t wait to get the cool bits of fame and rock shenanigans . But the first half of the story is a beautiful written account of an unusual childhood that greatly moved me. Well done!

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