This book has been life changing - thank you

I’ve read a lot, been to psychologists, courses, and done an incredible amount of soul searching in pursuit of understanding my child and solving my parenting challenges.

This book has all the answers for me and already made an incredible shift in our household. My constantly unregulated 4 year old has been really settled, kind and loving for the last couple of weeks after I changed the way I handled his meltdowns.

He’s stopped hitting his brother, stopped kicking the cat and instead is showing incredible compassion to them both. He literally stopped me and looked at me in the eye and smiled as if to say, thank you, you’ve finally got me. I can finally be at peace with the knowledge I know what my role is as the big person is.

Forever grateful

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4 people found this helpful

This book just changed my world & my kids' worlds!

I've read a lot of parenting books but no others contained the science & neurological explanations quite like this one! And to hear for the first time that it's not the behaviour of the child that matters...it's the behaviour of the big person that matters more. I wish society would catch up & we could have the support and encouragement that we need to grow up our kids better. Thanks Vanessa! ❤️

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1 person found this helpful

Great overall theme but just a few hours too long

This book started off very confronting. It questions the way we have been parenting. The use of sticker charts and other ways that we are sold to get our children to behave using bribes including emotional bribes are all put under the spotlight. The mantra of see it, feel it be it resounds throughout the book but even after the 7 day and a half hours, I'm still not convinced I get it. Maybe I'm thinking too deeply about it. Maybe what she was saying is just to look at the situation and put yourself in the shoes of the child before you act.

Overall, the theme of the book is to firstly understand that children are not born with the ability to self-regulate their behaviour and literally do not possess this tool (i.e. the pre-frontal cortex) untill much later in life. Therefore, it is not possible to teach the child how to attain self-control. The alternative provided through the text is to use connection to help the child to soothe (it is proposed that on many occasions that this is allthe child is looking for and that acting out is the child's way of expressing this need).

There are some great tips in the book but it was a struggle to get through. You could probably get what your going to get out of this book by just reading half of it. I also found the crackly, slow cadence of the naration irritating. I suggest reading it at 2x speed.

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6 people found this helpful

Great parenting advice

I really enjoyed this book and the understandings of how children think and process things read adult we don't always think the same way must read for anyone who's looking to better them selves as apparent

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Great book that requires reading again and again

Very easy to follow with practical examples and tools. Thank you for sharing it with us

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Must listen for parents

A wonderfully factual book and great tool to understand the psychology behind children’s developing brains and how we impact them. I have read a lot of parenting books and certainly recommend this one but also don’t see it as a stand alone book for parents and caregivers.
Some parts are very confronting, and challenge how most adults have been raised themselves, but in the interest of breaking the cycle and raising mentality healthy humans it is worth taking all that on the chin. I would have enjoyed it more if it had been narrated by Vanessa as I have listened to her speak before and her passion is inspiring, it would have added a level of authenticity.

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2 people found this helpful

every parent should read!

inspirational! opened my mind in so many ways.
A whole new perspective on parenting. definitely going to remove myself from society's parenting pop culture (the norm)

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I wish I had of found this book long ago!

This book is deeply insightful and thought provoking! It offers an abundance of game changing approaches to discipline and strengthening your relationship with your child/ren. I wish I had of found this book sooner! An absolute MUST READ for any parent! I'm so grateful to have come across this beautifully articulated, life changing book! 📚💛 💛💛

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a must-read for any parent

absolutely love this book. so many lightbulb moments. it has helped me be so much more patient and empathetic with my toddlers big feelings.

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1 person found this helpful

Wish this book was compulsory!

A HUGE thankyou to the Author! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼


This book is a MUST READ for every parent, teacher, grandparents, Anybody that has any part in growing up little people, working with them, or shaping them in any way!

Easy listening, the voice was very pleasant and calming, I enjoyed listening to the sound.

As far as the content, I couldnt stop listening & finished in a day, loved the content, will listen again & again, GREAT ADVICE!

As a child, (a neurodiverse child at that)
I always wondered why all those reward charts never worked, or felt good, I thought it was me.

I'm so grateful to have the knowledge to parent in a way that feels 'right'.

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