Great book on parenting and boundaries

I was drawn to this book because I have a 5 year old whose behaviour has become somewhat difficult (okay, *really* difficult). Some of his behaviours are developmentally normal for 4/5 year olds but nonetheless seriously challenging - hence my purchase of this book.

What I really like about this book is that the authors give clear explanations, clear examples and explain how to generalise these skills with other challenging behaviours. The skills taught can be applied to a child of any age - probably from about 3 or 4 and older. I also like that the book asks the reader to reflect on their own behaviour and own sense of boundaries as we don’t live in a vacuum. Before I’d even finished the book I found myself putting boundaries in place both with myself and my son. Much to my surprise, I actually started to see some change - so, to the authors: thank you.

Although I didn’t realise this when I purchased the book, I do like that the authors wrote from a religious perspective and included God, rather than a wholly secular point of view. There was a lot of referencing the Bible (especially New Testament verses) but it was relevant and not ‘preachy’.

This book is definitely more ‘tough love’ but with a sprinkle of empathy. It’s definitely not an advocate for helicopter parenting, tiger parenting or attachment parenting.

The narrator is also easy to listen to and engaging - a real bonus.

A few things I didn’t like about the book: firstly, the referencing on at least two occasions to spanking/hiding. Say no more. Secondly, the fact that sometimes childhood behaviours are related to trauma and other underlying clinical issues were not mentioned until about half way through the book. As a psychologist I already knew this, but it might not be so clear to those outside the profession. I think this should’ve been mentioned at the beginning too as a caveat. Lastly, I found the last chapter which briefly talks about single parents to be almost shaming. Yes, it was God’s plan that children be raised in two parent households, but being an imperfect world, it’s not always the way due to death, violence, abuse or abandonment. A single validating and empathic sentence like that would’ve changed the tone of that section.

Overall, I would recommend this book. It’s made me look at myself as well as looking at different ways to interpret my son’s developmentally appropriate behaviour (and recognise what might not be developmentally appropriate and related to his trauma and I need to approach it differently). It’s given me confidence to parent with boundaries and a lot of empathy. Recommended!

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3 people found this helpful

great book

fabulous book, a must for all parents of children of various ages. The Christian content did not bother me in fact did make sense to me.

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